I’m sure some will denounce me for a heretic, but Hanna Barbara was the worst for this. Oh yes, we all get a nostalgic twinge whenever we see Scooby-Doo or Stop the Pigeon. But if you take off those rose tinted glasses and hold them up to the harsh light of adult perspective then you’ll most likely see them for the crud that they unfortunately are.

Hannah Barbara redeemed themselves somewhat in the 90′s, with clever, stylish, and witty shows like Dexter’s Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, and The Powerpuff Girls. But other companies took over the mantle of injecting cheap mass produced shit directly into our kid’s brains.

I’ve been noticing a very alarming trend recently. Shows aimed at pre-schoolers that I have previously respected such as Fireman Sam and Thomas the Tank Engine are slowly taking a nose dive into mediocracy.

The problem isn’t in the writing. Fireman Sam’s is still pretty good – a hefty dollop of fire safety combined with a couple of stock comedy characters. Thomas the Tank Engine is rather more dubious, but then again it always has been (see this post by Dad Who Writes for an intelligent take on problems with Thomas)

What has changed with these two programs is that they have switched from being lovingly crafted using beautifully made models and painstaking stop motion animation to being churned out in box standard, mundane, noticeably cheap CGI.

Bah.

My siblings and I were once given a personal tour of Cosgrove Hall Studios by a friend of my father’s who worked there. To be honest it was one of the most memorable days of my childhood. We talked to a chap who was in the middle of drawing a Count Duckula episode, got to handle the models from Cholton an the Wheelies, and saw a lot of original cells from Jamie and the Magic Torch.

But the thing that looms largest in my memory was seeing the sets and the models for Wind in the Willows. I remember being struck almost dumb but how intricate and beautiful they were. The model makers and animators involved with those shows were true artists, in the purest sense of the term.

Now compare and contrast with Chuggington. Or Underground Ernie. Or the very worst culprit, Noddy. You see the difference?

As I say – bland badly animated derivative pap churned out in factory like conditions by an industry that doesn’t respect it’s consumers.

I’m not saying computer animation can’t be art. Just look at Pixar. We recently got UP and Toy Story 1&2 to review on Blu-Ray, and all three are wonderful. Up in particular was stunning, and arguably the best film of 2009, animation or not. I’m going to review them properly at a later date – but all three movies show that CGI animation can be high quality and full of artistic merit.

But that’s not the case with Fireman Sam and Thomas. They are complete pants. Which makes me sad, because they used to be full to the brim with quality animation.

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Well look what I just went out and spent thirty quid on:

Thirty quid! For a couple of pieces of badly sculpted plastic!! You could get three hundred packets of Space Raiders for that amount! Or forty hours worth of parking in the Huddersfield bus station car park. Or even better – six Smokey and the Bandit 3 disk DVD box sets! (that’s my entire Christmas shopping sorted out then).

But no, I have to spend £30 on Hannah Mon-bloody-tana and her mutant faced horse Blue Jeans. Goddamn Disney corporation exploiting the fact that my love for my daughter is stronger than my half baked principles.

It’s not like it will ever get played with, that’s the galling thing. It’ll just get thrown on the pile with all the other bits of pink plastic. But Amy’s birthday is next weekend and she’s been consistently pining for this toy for six months now. And to be honest it’ll be worth the £30 to see her excitement when she opens it, especially since I’ve told her that the shop was sold out and I bought her a Batman action figure instead.

To make matters even worse Evan was with me at the toy shop so I also ended up shelling out fifteen pounds for this:

Fifteen pounds! For a couple of chunks of wood with some wheels nailed to them! I mean who the hell is it supposed to be anyway. The package says it’s “Flora” and her carriage from Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends, but she’s never been in any of the episodes that I’ve seen.

Goddamn Thomas the Tank Engine franchise exploiting the fact that I want to be able to get through the checkout of Toys R Us without having to deal with a major meltdown.

Actually ten pounds of that fifteen was Evans birthday money, which is why I was willing to part with it. And he does play with his wooden trains a hell of a lot, but still – that doesn’t change the fact that it was incredibly overpriced.

There is a serious post to be had here somewhere about the increasing lack of non-franchised toys and the ridiculous premium that we parents are duped into paying for a brand logo. But at the moment I’m not up to writing it. I’m still in shock from my sudden short sharpe pain in the wallet. I think I might have to go out and buy myself something to ease my trauma.

This £269 Star Wars Lego Death Star should just about do it.

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