It’s a well known scientific fact (made up by me, just now) that at some point in their childhood every human being on this earth has tried mixing orange juice with milk.
As a result of this experiment in rudimentary cocktail making most people have subsequently developed a stomach flipping aversion to the idea of mixing milk and citrus fruit ever again.
So when I saw this bottle of lime flavoured milk-shake on the shelves of our local supermarket I couldn’t quite reconcile it in my brain.
But if they make it then surely they must have at least some hope that someone is going to buy it? I mean yes, it sounds revolting, but maybe it’s one of those hidden gems – like pork scratchings, bananna sandwiches, or that stuff you pick out from between your toes.
So with a bit of encouragement from Evan I bought a bottle.
When I pored it out it’s colour did little to ease my qualms. Greeny white is not a good look for any beverage, especially not one containing milk. In fact it looked so much like something that had been left on top of the radiator for a week that I hatched a delightfully devilish wheeze.
When Kerry came home from work I would be waiting with a glass full of the stuff. I’d wave it in her general direction. Say something like “This milk smells a little funny, do you think it’s ok?”. Then swig the whole thing down, no doubt to the accompaniment of her horrified screams.
Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
In oder to celebrate my evil genius I took a congratulatory swig. And then promptly spat it out in an explosive spray into the sink.
Ladies and Gentleman, don’t believe the hype. This stuff is the foulest concoction known to man.
Should you too wish to revolt and disgust your wife/husband/loved ones for your own amusement then trust me, you’d be better off using real fetid milk rather than this stuff. I’m pretty sure the aftertaste would be shorter and less acrid.
Amazingly a quick google search shows that there is actually a very vocal bunch of advocates for this flavour on the internet. Some entrepreneurial/delusional soul is even listing it for twice the market value over on ebay.
So if anyone fancies buying a bottle of nearly full Lime Crusha Milkshake Sryup then I’m starting the bidding off at £3.50.
