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October, 2009:

The end of Fat Club and a few pumpkins

It was both Evan’s and my brother-in-law John’s birthday parties last weekend and my dieting willpower completely deserted me. As a result I put on 6lbs this week. Hey, when I fall off the wagon I like to make sure I do so with a resounding crunch.

I’m back on the celery sticks now, but for the purposes of the Fat Club Competition it’s all irrelevant anyhow as this Wednesday Ian from Single Parent Dad managed to shed his final lb in order to cross the finishing line. Therefore it is my unfortunate duty to crown him the winner of our contest to see who could lose 14lb in weight the quickest.

So commiserations go to my fellow contestants Kerry, Catherine, Erin, and Barbara. I think we can all take consolation in the fact that losing 14lb in just four weeks is probably a symptom of some horrible wasting disease, and no doubt Ian will end up with various bits of his body rotting off by the end of the month.

For the sake of the blogosphere I’m hoping his hands will go first so he can’t type any more.

I would suggest continuing the contest to see who comes second. However I suspect that may well be my wife Kerry and, quite frankly, I don’t need that kind of humiliation in my life at the moment. So I now bring the contest officially to a close. Feel free to continue it on your blog if you wish however.

We were actually down at Ian’s house on Wednesday and I had intended to film some sort of award ceremony where I would present him with his prize (a Ginster’s Steak and Ale Pasty). However once we arrived I remembered how impenetrably thick Ian’s Birmingham accent is and I didn’t really want to lower the tone of my blog by giving it airtime.

We did have a good time down at Ian’s however, one of the highlights of which was carving three of the home grown pumpkins we brought down with us.

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Amy and Evan had their usual fantastic time playing with Max. And Kerry and I were just about able to tolerate Ian’s incessant whittering. So all in all it was a pretty successful trip.

Reasons to love blogging, part 1

In a conversation in the comments section yesterday Insomniac Mummy inspired me to start up a sort of “Things I Have Got Out of Blogging” series of posts. So here we go.

I’ve been incredibly fortunate to make a number of really good friends through this blog. And many of these friendships have transcended their “virtual” boundaries and grown to be as solid and as real as any I’ve developed through traditional means.

All my blogging friends are incredibly important to me, and my life is enriched by them immeasurably. But my friendship with a chap called Greg has a particular importance to me.

You probably don’t know Greg. If you do it’s probably only because you’ve read one of my sycophantic posts about him. These days he rarely engages with the blogging world, either in comments or over on his own blog. But nearly four years ago when I first dipped my toes into blogging, he was my mentor. His was the first blog I ever read, and his were the first comments I ever received. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be doing this, and so I am truly grateful.

He also bought me my first ukulele, and therefore has incured the wrath of my entire family.

He also happens to be the funniest writer on the whole internet. His is the only blog that I’ve gone back through the entire archives and read every single post ever written. Twice. And I ended up in tears of laughter both times. And there’s a fair few posts to get through too – this guy was one of the pioneers and his first entries date back to 1999.

Unfortunately Greg’s just about given up on blogging over the past couple of years, and the internet is a far poorer place for his absence. I keep trying to persuade him to start up a joint blogging venture with me. I’d happily mothball All That Comes With It for the chance to collaborate in a trans-atlantic “Tales of Two Families” type site. But he just smiles at me, mutters various polite platitudes, and then changes the subject. Damn his eyes.

We’ve flown over to the states to visit Greg (and his fantastic wife Deb and their two kids) twice. Once in 2007 and once earlier this year. Those two visits have been amongst the best holidays I’ve had in my life – and considering that they live in deepest darkest Wisconsin that’s really saying something for their prowess as hosts. They also came over here to visit us too. Despite the distance between us, he and his family are among the Hughes’ most valued friends.

In short, I like the guy and I like his family.

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I’ll stop now as I’m probably pissing him off. However in order to illustrate the man’s comedy genius I thought I’d repost a video he did for me.

Just as a quick explanation: A couple of years ago a younger, fatter, me attempted to start my own meme based around pretending to be an orangutan. Here are the rules, followed by my own video:

The Every Which Way but Loose Meme.

The rules:
1. You are auditioning to be in the latest orangutan related comedy blockbuster: Dunston Checks In II: Return of the feces flinger.
2. The Screen Actors Guild restrict non-human primates to only three facial expressions in order that they are not used as cheap substitutes for actors such as Jean-Claude Van Damme and Rosanne Barr. These are: The Raspberry, the Head Shake, and the Face Slap.
3. Create an audition video exhibiting your talent in these three areas.
4. Try and persuade some other idiots to do it too

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Now here’s Greg’s response. To quote The Holmes in the comments section of the original post: “His timing is…it’s awesome.”

I’m sorry Greg. I know you’d have rather I hadn’t posted this. But what can I say, I like to sing your praises.

Blogging for Fun and Profit?

Something that Sally from Who’s the Mummy said in a recent post has got me thinking:

…many of the parent bloggers I speak to are desperate to make some money from their blogs. As one blogger told me last week: “I’m just so sick of working for free.”

Now I recognize that I’m as much of a corporate whore as the next man (free blu-ray player and trip to London anyone). But seriously? Complaining that blogging without being paid is “working for free”? Do you charge for taking family photos too? Demand money for doing your garden or reading a book?

I’m being unfair. I don’t actually know the context of that particular conversation and so shouldn’t really comment. But it does raise a wider issue – the increasing commercialism of parent blogging.

Its pretty widely accepted that UK parent blogging today is probably at around the same point that US Mommy and Daddy blogging was three or four years ago. When I first started All That Comes With It people like Clare’s Dad and Idaho Dad were able to list just about every Daddyblogger in the world on their blogroll. Sure, it was a long list, but it was doable. What’s more, If you go back two or three years again you could do the same with Mommy bloggers as well. These days however US parent blogs of both genders number in their tens of thousands.

Here in the UK parent blogging is now slowly gathering up more steam. Mummy blogs are popping up everywhere, becoming so numerous that you couldn’t follow them all even if you wanted to. Daddy Blogs are less common, but new ones are slowly starting to appear here and there and the momentum is growing.

However there is a fly in the ointment. Currently it seems that every second blog that is starting up is doing so with a hearty scream of “SHOW ME THE MONEY!!”. The ethos of blogging appears to be moving from the ‘zine mentality of the 70′s into the greed is good mentality of the 80′s. We’re sliding from do-it-yourself punk into slick and commercially driven new romanticism.

But I don’t want to be a new romantic damnit. I don’t suit the makeup.

This could all be sour grapes. I could be taking this attitude because other people seems to get more PR pitches and free stuff than I do. I could well be sticking out my bottom lip and proclaiming “I don’t want to play your stupid game anyway”. But still, I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the compromises I’ve already made on this blog to commercialism (the blu-ray reviews, the advert I filmed for Disney, the walking sock contest I recently held).

In my day job we frequently get visits from pharmaceutical reps. Ostensibly these visits are to inform us of latest research on their products and discuss medication side effects and treatment strategies. But in reality the research they present has been so heavily spun it can’t be trusted, therefore any claims that rep visits are updating our professional knowledge is completely laughable.

So why are the reps let in the door? Because they bring lunch that’s why. Bribery, pure and simple. They bring cakes and flapjacks and buns; crisps and sandwiches and fruit. All paid for indirectly by the taxpayer through charging the NHS inflated pharmaceutical prices.

And that’s just the nurses. The doctors get free holidays and weekends away out of the fuckers.

I made a decision a few years ago never to accept anything from a pharmaceutical rep. So while my colleagues are munching on chocolate eclairs and pringles I sit self righteously in a corner, pointedly not eating anything and smugly reveling in my highly evolved sense of ethics.

Of course none of my colleagues notice my silent protests. And even if they do they often mistake the smug look on my face for an expression of gastric discomfort and assume I’m not eating because I’ve got trapped wind. But still, it helps me sleep at night and that’s the main thing.

My current dilemma is that I’m unsure if I should extend my “no cake” policy to blogging. The reason I blog is to document my family life and connect with friends. Bringing commercial aspects into that seems to sully it a little. I feel tainted somehow, like I’m exploiting my family and my friends in order to get free stuff.

On the other hand I have developed a pretty strong editorial process. Every blu-ray review I’ve done has been completely honest and I’ve turned down a few very tempting freebies because I felt them to be incongruous to the blog. But I still feel uncomfortable. Like I’m teetering on the edge of a slippery slope

Then again, I seem to be uncomfortable with everything at the moment, as evidenced by my propensity for “thinking aloud” posts recently. My mojo is back, but it seems to have brought a tendency for rambling and wordy introspection with it.

I must make it clear that I’m not judging others for taking up these freebies and PR offers. In particular some of my best blogging buddies are in that grey hinterland between pro and hobby blogging, and so their relationships with companies and professional media types are wholly appropriate and I would not criticize them for them .

But I don’t want to be a journalist or a copywriter. I thought I did in my early twenties, even getting myself the ubiquitous media studies degree. But then I quickly realized that life wasn’t for me and chose to be a nurse instead.

So now according to Erin I have to come up with my traditional poignant open-ended morality statement. I think the best way to describe my dilemma is that I’ve always viewed blogging as an extension of my home life rather than my work life, and the potential to get material gain from writing here has muddied the water for me somewhat. My fear is that by treating All That Comes With It as a commodity rather than an artistic expression (*snort*) I’ll spoil it for myself somehow. But the lure of cool free stuff can often seem very tempting.

So far I think I’ve struck the right balance, but I need to be mindful that my greed doesn’t tip my own self imposed see-saw of integrity.

How about you, what are your thoughts?

Squash

Yesterday I asked you to identify what this was:

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Arjan and Dad Who Writes thought it was a giant courgette. Don’t they know that giant courgettes are actually called marrows? Arjan I can forgive because his first language is Holandish (or is that Netherlandese), but for Dad Who Writes there is no excuse. Go away and study your Alan Titchmarsh more carefully next time.

Over on flickr, JJ Daddy-O suggested it was a zucchini – which is actually the US word for courgette anyway (those wacky Americans). I’m not sure what the US word for marrow is, probably “xisuduw” or something. Then again everything is supposed to be bigger over there, so perhaps they would just regard it as a medium sized gherkin.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant because it’s not a courgette, marrow, zucchini, xisuduw, or gherkin. It’s a pumpkin.

Honestly, it is.

I’ve got three more that look exactly like it too. The reason that it’s green not orange is that it isn’t ripe yet, but I’ve no idea why it’s elongated like that. It’s not because of the variety because I got three normal looking pumpkins from the same plant, see:

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Maybe it’s that uranium fertilizer I’ve been using.

Anyhow according to the internet there isn’t much of a chance of it ripening now it’s been taken off the vine (which I had to do as the parent plant was going rotten and yucky). I’m not sure if there is anything you can do with mutant unripened pumpkins. Anyone got any suggestions?

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Old McHughes’ Farm update

Amy’s school had their harvest festival last week, which was good because we had a particular revolting brand of tinned spaghetti in the cupboard we needed to get shot of. I often think that there should be some sort of international UN or NATO version of harvest festival; where all the wealthy western nations could smugly come together and patronizingly foist off all their unwanted barrels of toxic waste and radioactive materials onto bewildered third world nations in the name of “charity”. Perhaps that’s what Trafigura was doing all along.

Anyway the point is that it’s harvest time, and so I’ve been out on Old McHughes’ farm bringing in my crops. Except I haven’t as I don’t really have many crops to bring in. The potatoes were gathered months ago, the peas were basically eaten raw straight from the vine as soon as they ripened, and the runner beans were polished off in a giant stew a couple of weeks ago. Our strawberry plants have all died from neglect (just like last year), and the sweetcorn never got enough sun to develop properly.

I have harvested one thing however. See if you can guess from the picture what it is. I’ll give you a clue, it’s not a cumquat:

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I’ve a few plans for next year, including a grand strawberry pyramid. I also intend making an effort to grow veg that we’ll actually eat rather than ones that look good on the seed packet.

However for now I’m turning the plot over to the chickens to weed over the winter for me. With the days drawing in the hen’s egg production has started to slacken off to 3 or 4 a day rather than 5 or 6, so they are going to have to earn their keep somehow.

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Not Diesel, Steam, or Gasoline

This week’s fat club report is delayed somewhat due to me forgetting to send an email to everyone asking for their results. I’ll post it up hopefully tomorrow

I’ve well and truly lost anyhow, with both Ian and Kerry leaping ahead of me yet again. Well bollocks to them, it’s a stupid contest anyway. Whoever suggested it in the first place is an idiot.

I’m going to go and eat another packet of Oreos in order to console myself.

In the meantime her is our families new favourite song from our new favourite album from our old favourite band. I defy you to not love this. If you have yet to check out They Might Be Giants excellent range of kids music then I strongly suggest you run out to the shops right now. I’d personally start with No! and then move to Here Comes the 123s and then Here Comes Science

In fact, I feel a children’s music podcast brewing…

They fight. They bite. They bite and fight and bite.

Remember me posting this a couple of weeks ago?:

If you ask Amy what she wants to be when she grows up she’ll give you one of two answers – either “a famous pop star” or “a horse riding teacher”. It’s very hard not to take these responses as a indication that I’ve failed as a father.

Well I’m delighted to inform you that I am not quite the parental wash-out that I first feared. Because although I’m still struggling to work out a strategy to steer my daughter through the cultural mire of banal vapid role models; my son has quietly forged his own path. And a glorious path it is too.

Evan will not grow up to be a pop star, or a horse rider, or a princess. Not for him is the cliched career of the soldier, fireman, or football player. No, Evan is going to be a member of the noblest profession of all – someone who hits other people over the head with a frying pan for a living.

Evan has discovered Tom and Jerry. To say he likes them is a bit like saying that my brother Sam likes looking at himself in the mirror. The boy is obsessed.

Evan’s attraction to the show could have something to do with the fact he’s been watching it up in our bedroom. There is something rather luxurious about watching TV in bed, and often that sense of opulence bleeds through and gives an additional shine to whatever you happen to be watching. How else can you explain how I managed to sit through three quarters of Spiderman 3 the other night before turning it off.

But, whatever the reason, Evan loves his Tom and Jerry. And to be honest I couldn’t be happier.

Which is interesting.

Time was Tom and Jerry was held up as an example of hyper violent children’s programming. As the worst specimen of a genre of cartoons that warped fragile minds and were bound to produce a generation of psychopaths. Recently repeats of the show have even been reviewed by OFCOM after complaints that it’s unsuitable for young children.

So why am I happy about Evan watching it? Why aren’t I as concerned about it as I am about Amy watching Hannah Montana? Surely if I am worried about the cultural influence of the Cyrus clan on my daughter’s aspirations then I should be even more worried about teaching my son that extreme violence is a form of entertainment? Why have I decided that one is acceptable, and one is a cultural canker?

Because I’m a hypocrite, that’s why. Quite simply I like Tom and Jerry and I don’t like Hannah Montana, it’s a plain and pathetic as that. I’ve even gone as far as actively encouraging his fascination with the cartoon. This morning I spent £25 on a 6 volume boxed set of Tom and Jerry cartoons (unless of course Kerry is reading this – then it only cost £6.99). I’ve even begun to consider whether to supplement it with a set of Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny cartoons as well. My hypocrisy knows no bounds and I should be ashamed of myself .

Now here’s the bit where I try and justify myself.

Tom and Jerry is a classic. It was created by artists, and shows real craftsmanship. Sure, the artists were working to commercial pressures in an genre which was given little credibility at the time., but then again so was Raymond Chandler. Tom and Jerry theatrical shorts won 7 Oscars and were nominated for a further 6. The cartoons ooze a quality that is only surpassed by Warner Bro’s Looney Tunes and possibly the output of Pixar Studios today. They are full to the brim with slapstick, satire, and effortless comedy timing, and are a joy to watch even now nearly 70 years after they were first produced.

Compare that to the bland and tepid extended merchandising advert that is Hannah Montana. It’s just not a fair fight.

In addition I think there are huge cultural benefits in consuming entertainment from previous generations. My own love of shows such as Hancock’s Half Hour, Sgt Bilko, and Laurel and Hardy is pretty well documented here on the blog, and it started developing during childhood. Not only do such programs give me a stick by which to measure more modern media, but they expand my horizons and ability to cultivate a more refined palate. You only get to watch a finite number of TV shows in your lifetime, it’s probably best to try to make sure you consume as little shit as possible.

But still, I’m a hypocrite. And so I must continue to struggle to work out what I really think about TV and the effect it has on my kids. But the fact that the struggle even exists in my mind gives me some comfort. It shows that at least I’m not completely passive in all this. That I’m aware that there are decisions to be made, even if I’m not sure yet what those decisions should be.

Now hands that do dishes are as soft as your face

There is a sliding scale of domestic catastrophes. It runs from dropping dried pasta on the kitchen floor all the way through to your dog urinating on your bed at 3am New Years Day (not a good start to 2003 let me assure you). Kerry and I have seen it all. But recently the Hughes household has experienced an earth shattering calamity to end all calamities.

Our dishwasher is broken.

You may be one of those people that smugly quip “oh we have a dishwasher in our house, it’s called me/the kids/my husband/my wife” If so then consider yourself banished from this blog forthwith for the heinous crimes of cliché and insensitivity. We need a dishwasher in our house damnit. The towering pile of festering crockery gets high enough as it is without factoring in the time, energy, and motivation needed to actually wash it manually.

I don’t know what’s wrong with it, other than it doesn’t work. I did pull it out the other day and had a poke around the back with a wooden spoon, and for one glorious moment it looked like it had miraculously started working again. I did the obligatory masculine strut around the kitchen proclaiming that I was king of all household maintenance; but then the bloody thing stopped working again just as I was starting to get stuck into the second verse of “Oh Dan You Art So Wondrous”.

So now we are stuck with a broken dishwasher. I have washed up three times today. Three times. And yet as I type I still can’t actually see our kitchen work surfaces due to all the dirty pots and pans. There should be a law against it or something. It’s inhumane I tell you! How can we be expected to live like this!? Surely we’re eligible for some sort of emergency rescue package from the government? We are people danmit, not animals!!

Oh fate, why must you torment us so.

Still, never mind. It’s all part of life’s rich pageant I suppose. And anyway, it’s Evan’s third birthday tomorrow. Something tells me he might be getting that new transformer that’s all the rage. You know, that one that transforms from a dishwasher to a cupboard to keep your dirty plates in. It’s called “Hotpoint” apparently. It’s a bit pricey, but nothing is too good for my little boy.

Fat Club: Week Two

A slightly delayed Fat Club report today due to me spending most of my allocated blogging time yesterday messing about with my ukulele. I’ve discovered a number of Ben Folds songs on Chordie that I’m having a lot of fun mangling.

Unfortunately I’ve been thrashed in the contest yet again this week, this time by my own wife who lost an astounding 6lb. Kerry did ask me to point out that she feels her 1lb loss last week was actually 2lb short of the real mark, and so this weeks total is artificially skewed. But still, six pounds is six pounds.

My own paltry one pound loss is rather disappointing. Sure, I went to my sister’s wedding on the weekend and stuffed my face with various unhealthy foodstuffs; but I also walked 25 miles over three mountains in one day damnit.

I’m hoping next week will be better.

Here’s the table:

Name Weekly lb loss Total lb loss Position
Ian (Single Parent Dad) 2lb 9lb 1st
Kerry 6lb 7lb 2nd
Dan (All That Comes With It) 1lb 5lb 3rd
Catherine (Some Vague Utopia) 1lb 3lb 4th
Erin (The Fierce Beagle) 0lb 2lb 5th (joint)
Barbara (JoBart) 2lb 2lb 5th (joint)

Yorkshire Three Peak Challenge

Yesterday my friend Dave and I walked the Yorkshire Three Peaks Challenge. This is a 23 to 26 mile long circuit (depending on which specific route you take) that covers three mountains in the Yorkshire Dales National Park: Pen-y-ghent (694m / 2277ft) Whernside (736m / 2415ft) and Inglebrough (723m / 2372ft). The challenge is to do it in under twelve hours. We came in at elven hours thirty minutes, which isn’t exactly going to set any records, but we’re pretty pleased with ourselves never-the-less.

But it was hard going. Bloody hard going. The third hill (Inglebrough) in particular was an absolute swine and my energy levels by that point were running on just about empty. I’d also been experiencing flu like symptoms all weekend, which didn’t help. Plus Dave and I fell into peat bogs up above our knees (twice) fairly early into the walk, and as a result were walking with wet boots. So you can see how it was easily the most physically demanding thing I’ve ever done.

In retrospect we should have taken a slightly different route (avoiding the peat bogs which, despite Sam’s reassurances, were most defiantly not “easy to get through”) and packed a lot lighter. I would say that I’d do it differently next time, but I can tell you now that there will never be a bloody next time.

I’m glad I did it, and ultimately it was rewarding, but there is no way on earth you’d be able to drag me through that sort of ordeal again. I’ve come to the definite conclusion that walking twenty odd miles and up three mountains is just not a sensible way to spend a Sunday off work.

After yesterday Hadrian’s Walk is going to feel like a stroll in the park.

Speaking of Hadrian’s Walk, the very nice people over at outersports.com recently wrote to me offering to donate 5 packs of Coolmax Hiking Socks, worth $25 each, to the American contingent of the walk.

As there are more than five American members of Team Ocelot I thought I’d use my attempt at the Three Peak Challenge as an opportunity to hold a sort of prize draw. The sound quality is a little ropey in the middle due to the wind, but it’s worth keeping with it in order to hear my ridiculously squeaky voice at the top of the third peak.

Congratulations to those people who won the socks. I’ll email you to get your shoe size and postal address over the next few days.