July, 2009:

All is not well on Old McHughes’ farm. The bloody chickens keep escaping. See if you can spot the fugitive in this picture:

Well, not all of the chickens are escaping, just three ringleaders. And I don’t really mind them jumping onto the coop’s roof if I’m honest, other than they tend to poo up there. But just recently they’ve begun hopping over the fence into next doors garden too, and that’s a real pain.

We get on well with our neighbors and they’ve said that marauding chickens in their garden doesn’t really bother them. And anyway, even if it did; their dogs have crapped in our garden enough times for a little chicken shit in their own to be considered just retribution. But what I’m really concerned about is that as the hens get increasingly bolder they are going to start foraying into the nearby woods too. The woods that are probably full to the brim with hungry foxes.

So yesterday morning Kerry and I engaged in a bit of good old fashioned chicken mutilation.

There is an art to clipping a chickens wings, an art that I obviously haven’t got the hang of. I didn’t hurt them, but I didn’t do it right either. Serves me right for assuming I knew what I was doing rather than consult the internet I suppose, I’ll know for next time.

Instead of only cutting the flight feathers from one wing (in order to throw them off balance when they take off) I trimmed both wings. This isn’t a major problem, it just means they still might be able to get a bit of height by frantically beating their wings. And anyway, the feathers will grow back in a few months anyhow.

It does seem to have worked though. The chickens were out all day yesterday and never ventured onto the wrong side of the fence. One did get into my veg patch mind you, but I suspect that’s because the stupid bugger just fell into it from the coops roof by accident.

Still no eggs yet though. But they amuse me, so I don’t mind really.

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It’s been over a year since I retired my regular feature It’s all Greek to me Sunday so I thought it was about time I whipped it out again and slapped it back down on the table.

Here’s how it works. I’ve taken a short film synopsis from the listings page of a TV guide and fed it into Bable Fish, an online translating service. I then translated the synopsis from English into Greek, and then from Greek back into English. The resulting gobbledygook is posted below. Your task is to try and identify what movie the passage refers to.

Here goes:

With base [author] short history [title], [title] it says the history [character], a writer that looks at behind in his own days when they went to their adventure they find this and three narrow friends the body of child their age that it had it goes is absent and had considered dead. Are the stakes when they a lot watch the bad children in the city – and become does a does race in order to see who’ll it is in position it recovers the body first.

So first to identify the correct movie here in the comments wins the respect and admiration of their peers.

The last winner of the contest all the way back in April 2008 was the lovely Tracy from Whim. Unfortunately Tracy abandoned blogging shortly after her win. Some may claim that it was the shame of being exposed as a reader of All That Comes with it that did it, but I deny that rumor. Instead I think it’s only necessary to look just a few posts down her blog to see what was the real culprit: her abject disappointment at the crapness of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

I feel your pain sister, I feel your pain.

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On Wednesday evening I was suddenly struck with flu like symptoms. I was tired, my muscles ached, I felt nauseous, I had a balled up feeling in my throat, and I couldn’t stop shivering. We took my temperature and it was high. Not throwing me in a bath of ice cubes high, but high enough not to be normal.

I rang the NHS direct swine flu helpline and went through a checklist of symptoms with them. Unlike my previous encounters with NHS direct it was a relatively worthwhile experience. There was a point when the pleasant and chatty nurse on the end of the phone described my muscle aches as being “a real killer” and we both had to pause for a while to ponder her amazingly poor choice of words; but all in all it was a reassuring and professional conversation.

Basically she told me it could be swine flu or it could be some other random viral illness. I was to isolate myself at home, pop paracetamol, and only emerge a day or two after the symptoms have subsided.

I must admit I did have some dark thoughts that night. Thoughts surrounding the possibility of infecting my children and hoping it would me that died rather than them. Evan worried me in particular. He’s not only under five but also has a history of breathing difficulties, both factors that place him squarely in the at risk of serious complications category.

In fact Evan had actually been running a temperature on Wednesday night, and had started complaining of feeling ill around the time I did. I had discussed this with the NHS nurse who advised to contact my GP if I was still concerned in the morning.

On Thursday I felt about the same, although the temperature and shivering was gone, possibly due to the paracetamol (Why are there no asprins in the jungle? Because the paracetamol). more importantly Evan was markedly better than he was previously, but we still shipped him off to Kerry’s parents rather than Nursery just in case.

Today being Friday I feel a little better again, although I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as 100%. And the report from the out-laws is that Evan is bright and breezy. To be honest I’ve had flu before and it felt a damn sight worse than this so I’ve either got a very mild case, or probably more likely something else entirely. If it hadn’t been for the media hysteria I’d have just struggled through.

I was supposed to be working this weekend but I’ve called in sick. I could probably push through it and go in if I really had to. But all the advice is not to do that and I often spend quite a bit of time in A&E and hospital wards and wouldn’t want to infect potentially vulnerable people (not to mention my colleagues). I do feel a bit guilty about it, if I don’t go in then some poor sod has to cover my shift, but never the less I think I’m probably acting appropriately.

So now I’m here at home alone for the weekend. Kerry and the kids had a couple of days away with her parents planned and as it doesn’t look like I’m dying we saw no reason why it shouldn’t go ahead. The novelty of having time to myself without any pressure to do anything wore off five minutes after they left however, and now I’m bouncing off the walls (albeit in a lackluster sickly sort of manner).

It probably hasn’t helped that I just watched a documentary about apocalyptic fiction we’d had recorded on Sky+. As much as I am a fan of 28 Days Later and Day of the Triffids et al, it’s probably not the wisest thing to be watching in a house on your own while you’re potentially suffering from an illness the tabloids have been screaming about for the past month or two. I keep looking out the window and half expecting a atomic mushroom or hoards of zombies rushing towards me.

Ah well. Time for another paracetamol, a pot noodle, and a marathon Laurel and Hardy session to cheer myself up I think. There’s nothing like watching two men try and push a piano up a set of stairs to keep thoughts of the end of the world at bay.

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Those of you who occasionally cast a glance over to the mini-blog on my sidebar may have noticed I’ve been plugging a number of podcasts recently. Over the past few months Lee, my antipodean pop culture guru, has been churning out a very entertaining weekly(ish) podcast where he examines a particular facet of popular culture.

What’s more he’s been encouraging his readers to contribute by sending in their own audio musings. Never being one to pass up an opportunity to wax lyrical on topics I don’t have any pertinent knowledge or understanding of, I’ve been happily sticking my two pennies worth into the mix for a while now. For example check out:

• Memorable TV Deaths
• Talking Movie Deaths
• Talking Turtles Cartoon
• Waterworld

I suppose I should put in a disclaimer that on the Turtles one I do actually give a rendition of the TMNT cartoon theme tune on the ukulele. A rendition that Lee has also seen fit to convert to a phone ringtone. Thanks for that Lee.

Anyhow, this weekend Lee will be tackling the rumors surrounding the possibility of a fifth Indiana Jones movie; namely asking what Lucas et al could do to redeem themselves and make, against the odds, a truly worthy fifth Indy movie.

It’s a topic close to many a heart. And Lee has asked his loyal subjects to spread the word to the masses that he want’s contributions. as the great man himself says:

Now I already have some ideas and seeing that George, Stephen and Harrison are frequent visitors here I thought you all might like to share your own thoughts in the off chance that they might pay attention to fans and not put universally stupid CGI gophers in the next film.

So please share your opinions and your ideas in the comments here or contact me if you don’t want anyone to know your super secret Indiana Jones plot ideas before the podcast. I also greedily accept your own recorded thoughts via emailed mp3 or wav files (contact me and I’ll send you the email to send them to).

Even if you don’t have any specific plot ideas why not throw out title ideas, if you manage to accurately predict the name of the next film years in advance just think what it will do to your love life! Studies have shown that accurately predicting the name of the next Indiana Jones or Star Wars film/show is what 78% of potential mates are most impressed by. That’s science people!

So get to it, I know I certainly will be.

In fact I’ve already recorded my own ukulele version of the Indiana Jones theme music. I just this minute played it to Kerry actually, and she was so overwhelmed by its brilliance that she had to leave the room in awed silence. You’ll have to listen to Lee’s podcast to hear it though.

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Did you hear that? It was the sound of the admission door to next year’s Hadrian’s Walk clanging shut.

Sunday was the deadline for people confirming whether they were coming or not and, with the exception of a few stragglers, I’ve now heard from everyone that I was expecting to.

I’ve decided against chasing people up any further. The level of badgering I’ve already engaged in comes close to earning me a whole bunch of restraining orders. If you really want to come and are worrying you’ve missed the boat don’t worry however, you can still email me and we’ll see what we can do. i just can’t promise anything.

So here’s the lineup, and it’s a very exciting one. In no particular order:

• Dan Hughes (me!), from All That Comes With It
• Oli Walker, who came on the original Dales Walk
• Cathrine Sinclair, a friend of Oli’s
• Richard Cockill, fiance of Cathrine
• David Graham, a veteran of both the Dales Walk and the Cumbria Way
• Craig Kelly, a veteran of both the Dales Walk and the Cumbria Way
• James Muscroft (Mushy), who came on the original Dales Walk
• Rich Brook, a veteran of both the Dales Walk and the Cumbria Way
• Clair, from Moon In The Gutter
• Michael Clarke, from Green Tea Ice Cream
• Jo, from Jo Beaufoix
• Nic, Jo’s friend
• Erin, from Fierce Beagle
• Noah, Erin’s husband
• Idaho Dad, from A Family Runs Through It
• Rajiv, Idaho Dad’s friend
• JJ Daddy-O, from JJ Daddy-O
• Archie Malcolm, my father-in-law
• Arjan, from Dutchnid
• Martin, from Xbox4NappyRash
• Josie, from Life in Biscuit
• David, Josie’s husband
• Rich Bassinder, a veteran of both the Dales Walk and the Cumbria Way
• Ian, from Single Parent Dad
• Emma, Ian’s sister
• Helen, a friend of my wife Kerry
• Tony, Helen’s husband
• Sherry, from ImPerceptibility
• Steve, Sherry’s husband
• Whit, from Honea Express
• Tricia, Whit’s wife
• NYC Watchdog, from A Pile of dog Bones
• Poppy, from Poppy Cedes
• Ed, from Zoe’s Dad
• Maura, Ed’s wife

And the part timers who’ll be hopefully joining us for just a day or two:

• Gary, from Jerry Chicken
• Gail, from Squared Off

That’s thirty seven walkers in total. thirty seven! Can you believe it! Thank you all so much for agreeing to come along. You’re doing a good thing here.

We’ve a mix of twenty four males and thirteen females with ages ranging from early twenties to late fifties. We’ve got people from England, Scotland, Ireland, America and Holland. We’ve got the personnel to start our own healthcare system: a paramedic, a doctor, and a couple of nurses; our own criminal justice system: a superior court judge, a case builder, and a couple of policemen; and an education system: a university professor and a teaching assistant. But that’s not all, we’ve also got writers, editors, stay-at-home parents, managers, bankers and unemployed bums. As my old cultural studies lecture might say: we have a true microcosm of modern society.

It’d be really good if Team Ocelot can try to get to know each other a little bit before we set off. It will reduce any social awkwardness when we all come together for the first time. Idaho Dad has very graciously agreed to be appointed a sort of net based social secretary and we’ve come up with a number of relatively painless ways of starting to break the ice. All the walkers will no doubt be hearing from him in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime though it’d be a good idea for everybody to add all the blogs listed above to their feedreader, blogroll, or bookmark folder. Even if you’re not going on the walk there isn’t one amongst them isn’t worth a read. And of course if you’re not already checking out the Hadrian’s Walk blog: http://hadrianswalk.org then I urge you to do so as I’m going to start posting organizational stuff on there rather than cross post it here.

And finally any of the bloggers coming on the walk should feel free to display the badge of honor below on their blogs in order to alert the world to their heroic status as a Hadrians Walker. If you need any help writing the html or hosting the image then email me and I’ll give you a hand.

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