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December, 2008:

Oh Dangleberrys!

I’ve got news about my parcel. Unfortunately it’s bad news. Yesterday Greg (who is the chap that is very kindly sending me this gift) got an email from the online store he bought it from.

Parts of the following message have been censored in concordance with the official secrets act.

—–Original Message—–
From mark@[censored].co.uk>
To: [censored]
Sent: Fri, 12 Dec 2008 4:39 am
Subject: Problem with your [censored] Order

Hi

Firstly, I would like to sincerely apologise, as we have an issue with your order.

Due to a hefty malfunction in our back office system (during the Xmas rush – that’s timing for you, eh!?) our listing software pumped a lot of products online which were not available for us to ship. Unfortunately [censored] were one of the products affected.

The only [censored] we have available to ship are Pink, but your order was for (or contained) another choice of colour than pink. Obviously, we don’t expect you to just accept a pink [censored], so a full refund is on offer with no quibbles. However if you wish for us to send a pink [censored], then that’s also not a problem. Please let us know your preference as soon as humanly possible so we can sort out this colossal mess ASAP. As many of these are undoubtedly Xmas gifts, we obviously would like you to have the opportunity to find another within the next week or so.

Again, I apologise for this situation. I’m truly sorry that we’ve let you down with your order.

Kind Regards
Mark

While it’s tempting to accept a pink one, I worry that it will emasculate me in many people’s eyes. What do you think I should do? Hold out for the green one like originally promised or sacrifice my masculinity and get a pink one?

Why is life so hard?

Alas poor colander

My parcel didn’t arrive today. I am so dispirited that I could not summon the energy to take a photograph. And anyway, taking a photo of a parcel not arriving is quite hard.

So my advent colander is officially dead. I lasted eleven days before I got bored and moved on. Still, that’s about as long as regular advent calendars last before they are strip mined for their chocolate so I suppose it’s fair enough.

Anyway over on his blog SingleParentDad is taking part in the five questions interview meme. I’ve done this twice before, but I enjoyed the process and thought I’d have another go. So Mr ParentDad very kindly provided me with some questions:

Are you still nervous about the decision to be more a stay-at-home dad?

I must admit that all the media coverage of the various financial crises going on in the world makes me a little anxious about my recent decision to go part time. To actively seek a reduction in household income when everyone else is panicking about money feels slightly counter-intuative.

However, that feeling is pretty much countered by the fact that, you know, I don’t have to go to work as much and can spend more time with the kids. And Kerry’s recent promotion means that it doesn’t have quite the financial impact that it would have done a year or so ago.

Have you ever laughed inappropriately at situations you come across in your work?

My job can sometimes be pretty intense; and you’ll find that all but the most poe faced of psychiatric nurses use black humor as a way of coping with the stressors of the job. Our handovers (daily meetings where my team discuss our patients) are often rather inappropriately jocular.

I’m not sure I’ve ever actually laughed out loud when talking to a patient however, although I’ve been pretty close a few times. When someone suddenly discloses a bizarre sexual disfunction without any prior warning it can be quite hard to keep a straight face. I’ve developed a pretty effective “professional mode” that I can slip into which protects from blurting out laughter. It protects me from the tragic aspects of the work as well, which is probably just as well.

Have you ever been to Ossett? And if so, how was your experience?

I’ve a vague feeling I once took Amy to a playgym in Ossett, but I could be wrong.

If it was then my main impressions were that it seemed very well padded, had some good slides, and the chips were cheap.

What do you feel your children might end up doing?

I have absolutely no idea. If current trends are anything to go with then Amy will be a writer and Evan some sort of professional mucus producer.

Whatever they chose to do is fine. However I do sort of hope they will follow in the Hughes family tradition of working in some sort of woolly liberal type job however (although they never seem to be paid all that well).

If Coca-Cola announced it was ceasing production of Diet Coke how hard would this hit you?

They wouldn’t do that, would they??

Actually I can just about get by on Diet Pepsi, although I’m convinced it doesn’t have the same caffeine hit as coke. If however some governmental body decided that all fizzy carbonated drinks were to be banned outright then I probably would die of thirst.

——————–

And that’s about it. If you would like to be interviewed yourself then leave a comment here saying something like “interview me” and I’ll send you some questions. Oh, and go over to Avitable’s blog and ask him to interview you too. He’s already done 58 sets of questions and I want to see how many more it will take before his head explodes.

Here’s the cut and paste bit:

Interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the
questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Advent Colander – Dec 10th (yes, I know it’s actually the 11th)

This week there have been two feverishly anticipated parcels due to arrive through our letterbox. The first came yesterday.

amy

My friend Rachel has been kniting me this Tom Baker Dr Who scarf since early 2006. She finally finished it last week. To be fair to her she has had a few other things to occupy her time – like getting married and having her first child. Still, I think you’d agree that my scarf should have really been her main priority.

It was well wort the wait though. Now I have the warmest neck in the whole of Huddersfield. If I can wrestle it off Amy that is.

My other parcel hasn’t arrived yet, and I’m almost wetting myself with anticipation waiting for it to come. Kerry on the other hand is attempting to bribe the postman to miss our house out until around March.

Intrigued? Probably not as I’ve already mentioned what it will be in the comments somewhere. Still, just in case you don’t know then I recommend coming back tomorrow to see if it’s arrived (oh please oh please oh please let it arrive tomorrow).

Xmas Xenophobia (or “Don’t mention the war”)

Hans is standing in line at the border crossing between Germany and France waiting to go through passport control. Finally he gets to the head of the queue.

“Occupation?” Say’s the French passport official.

“No” says Hans “I’m just coming on vacation”

Yesterday evening the Hughes’ and the Malcolms descended on Leeds German christmas market. Kerry and her family spent a large proportion of their lives living in Germany and so to them it’s yearly appearance heralds the arrival of much loved delicacies. To a true bred Englishman like myself dishes such as toffee covered grapes and weird deep fried potato cake things are an abomination against nature. Give me good old fashioned British dishes like chicken rogan josh or spaghetti bolognese any day of the week.

IMG_5385

Kerry samples the deep fried mashed potato thingies of her youth

The market was a little disappointing in that it was exactly the same as it was last year. The same food, the same rides, and the same vendors. Even the various ornaments and trinkets on the stalls were put in precisely the same places as they were last Christmas (and I have the photos to prove it).

IMG_5419

Damn Germans, they’ll stick their flag in anything

Still, it was a lot of fun; and the kids enjoyed themselves. Kerry and i even got to go out to a noodle bar afterwards (see, proper British food) while the Grandparents and Uncle Neil ferried our children back on the train.

Oh, and this is actually my Advent colander entry for the 9th, I just didn’t have time to do it yesterday. The photo’s were taken last night though so it still counts.

Jordan

Around this time last year I announced rather rashly that I was going to do a 78 mile long hike in aid of the Joseph Salmon Trust. In July I had to pay for that rash promise with blisters, sore muscles and aching bones. I was hoping we’d raise four or five hundred pounds for the trust, but we ended up raising well over six thousand pounds. And about £1500 of that came from the readers of the blog.

This isn’t another appeal for cash, for me to ask again after everyone has been so generous would be extremely rude and probably unproductive. I just wanted to let you know where some of that money has gone:

Twelve year old Jordan was found hanged in his bedroom by his 19 year old sister. Shortly beforehand he’d had an argument with her about who was going to walk their dogs. His family believe that he’d done it as a practical joke, but that it went tragically wrong. There was no evidence that he was troubled, and he had been talking enthusiastically about upcoming events.

Jordan’s mum, Carole, was at work when she got a telephone call from her daughter.

“She was hysterical,” Carole said. “All I could make out were the words ‘Jordan’, ‘ambulance’ and ‘dead’. I remember it so clearly. I was standing there and my legs just gave way and I ended up in a heap on the floor. I sat there for a good five minutes not able to move. Deep down I knew he had gone.”

Carole’s daughter moved out of the house shortly after Jordan’s death, too traumatized by what happened to cope with staying. Carole was left alone in what had been a busy and happy home.

“Even now, sometimes I still look out of the window at 3.30pm expecting to see him come in from school. It’s like he has gone to his friend’s for a few minutes. It’s like I’m looking down on someone else going through this, it doesn’t seem real. The thought of never seeing him again is just unbearable.”

For a while she considered suicide herself, but was helped struggle on by the help of her friends and family.

And this is where the Jospeh Salmon Trust came in. Carol is a single mum who works as a care assistant. She would have struggled to meet the costs of the funeral on her own.

“A headstone is so expensive and like most parents you don’t really make provisions for your child’s death. I’ve got life insurance but you don’t think about using it for your children – you don’t expect them to die before you.”

Neil has told me that because the charity’s bank account had been so boosted by the money raised by the walk they were able to pay for Jordan’s headstone; two thousand pounds that Carole would have found it hard to find otherwise. They were able to help Carole meet the final needs of her son, something invaluable in helping her cope with her grief.

It is testament to how important the Trust’s help was to Carol that she decided that she herself wanted to help raise funds for the charity. In a fundraiser at the village hall Carole, her daughter, and her friends raised £2200, which not only matched but exceeded the money the Trust gave her.

“In one respect I was so grateful to the trust because I just didn’t have the finances to be able to cover it.” said Carole “But in another way this was the last thing I could do for Jordan and I’m so happy that I can give this money to help someone who finds themselves in my position in future.”

I met Carole and her daughter the other day as I agreed to take some photo’s of them presenting a check to Neil to send to the local paper. The respect and admiration I have for them is immense. And while Carole has effectively “paid back” the money the Trust gave her, the charity would never have been able to grant her money in the first place if it wasn’t for the generous donations by people such as yourself. So thank you, you did what we set out to do – ease the burden of someone going through one of the worst torments imaginable.

All of the information I’ve given here is in the public domain and has been featured in the local paper. The details of people helped by the Trust is obviously usually confidential, but Carole herself chose to go public in order to publicize the charity. As I said, I’m not going to ask for any donations here, but if you went over to the Joseph Salmon Trust’s website I’m sure that they would.

trust

Advent Colander – Dec 8th

IMG_5307

I’m a little bit bored with the whole open/close door thing. Not only is it limiting me to having square photos but it’s also making the blog visually quite samey.

However I’m still going to continue with my photographic advent colander I’m afraid. I’m enjoying the creative push of having to come up with something every day (although I realize I’ve yet to come up with much of any real merit as yet).

Today I thought I’d have a go at Bokeh, which is basically Japanese for can’t get the damn thing in focus. Take care with your spelling however, as without the ethe word “Bokh” has little to do with photography and is actually a form of Mongolian wrestling. If you accidentally get it wrong then no amount of camera-bag padding is going to protect your lenses from Genghis’ expertly delivered pile-drivers .

This is my first attempt at someting like this and I’m relatively pleased with the results. It’s a picture of our Christmas tree. I got the lights to show up as hearts by sticking a piece of card with a heart shape cut out of it over the lens. I think I got the idea from photojojo, but I can’t seem to find the tutorial. I did find this one though which gives you the general idea.

I think I’m going to have another go at this at some point, so expect a few more blurry pictures over the next few days. Well, that’s my excuse anyway.

Advent Colander – Dec 7th


[Open the door / Close the door]

I managed to get off work a little early today and so I was able to join Kerry and the kids in a trip to Beaumont Park to watch a local brass band’s carol concert. I know that it’s a bit of a cliché, but there’s nowt that makes me feels so Yorkshire as a brass band. It’s a beautiful round warm sound and, while I wouldn’t want to listen to it exclusively, a good band can usually keep my rapt attention for at least an hour or so.

We didn’t have much chance to enjoy it this afternoon however as we were two busy trying to prevent Amy and Evan trampling all the park’s flowerbeds. Still, it got us out of the house which is the main thing. We also met up with our friend Becky and her daughter Layla which was nice.

I didn’t manage to get any decent photos unfortunately. Yet again there was wonderful light, with a particularly nice sunset over Castle Hill, but I just couldn’t capture it. I think I’m going to need to take a tripod with me next time so I can use some longer exposures. This photography business is a bit tricky at times.

Advent Colander – Dec 6th


[Open the door / Close the door]

One of the reasons my diet has been so successful (54lb lost to date) is that it allows me to indulge in hearty breakfasts. I hate being hungry and the reason so many of my previous attempts to lose weight have failed is because I hadn’t been able to resist the impulse to stuff my face.

With this diet (ostensibly the Slimming World green day’s plan, but I don’t go to any meetings) I’m allowed to eat as much as I like, but only of certain things.

While I miss bread, crisps, and to a lesser extent meat, I certainly can’t complain about the results. And I am allowed to eat as much egg, baked beans, and mushrooms as I like: a perfect recipe for a faux full English breakfast.

So every morning, providing I have enough time, I cook myself a fry up. And to complement it I garnish it with liberal lashings of my own home made spicy tomato ketchup, the recipe for which I give you now. Be warned, it’s strong enough to remove the skin from the roof of your mouth.

Ingredients

1 finely chopped onion
2 crushed garlic cloves
2 x 400g cans of chopped tomatoes
2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp celery salt
2 tsp English mustard powder
2 tsp ground white pepper
2 tsp paprika
2 tsp ground cumin
2 tsp oregano
2 tsp cayenne pepper
4 tbsp artificial sweetner
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce (leave this out if you want to go veggie)
9 fl oz red wine vinigar

Method

Bung it all in a big pan and simmer for about 40 minutes. Then stick it in a food processor and blend it until smooth. Transfer to a sealable bottle or jar and then Bob’s your uncle.

If you can’t find any of the ingredients (I’m thinking mainly of English mustard here as I know that can be scarce in the States) then just leave them out. But whatever you do don’t mistake tsp for tbsp. I did that the second time I made it and it didn’t taste too good.

Apparently you can keep it for three weeks in the fridge, but I personally think it’ll probably last a bit longer than that. I triple all the measurements and then stick bottles of it in the freezer as I’ve been getting through quite a bit of it recently.

Advent Colander – Dec 5th


[Open the door / Close the door]

As I’ve mentioned previously, I recently dusted down my guitar and have started learning to play again. I am by no means any good at it, but I can give you a damn fine rendition of Home on the Range providing you don’t mind me stopping for five minutes between chord changes while I work out where my fingers go.

Evan regards the guitar as just another letterbox to slot random objects into. Therefore not only does it function as a stringed instrument, but I can also use it as a rattle.

Not that I get to play it that often when he’s around anyway. Every time I pick it up he rushes over and puts his hand flat on the strings.

“Stop please Daddy.” he implores me with tears in his eyes. “Stop.”

Advent Colander – Dec 4th


[Open the door / Close the door]

Our council is currently offering to put in free roof insulation for every house in the district. Which on the face of it is a fantastic offer, and when we heard about it we signed up to it immediately. We have a bit of lagging up in the attic already, but the man from the council told us that they could bung a couple of inches on top of it if we liked.

Unfortunately he then pointed out that in order to do that then we would have to clear all the crap out of the attic first. Suddenly the whole prospect became much less appealing.

While we have recently made moves to render our house fit for human habitation, the attic remains a horrendously chaotic jumble of baby toys, dead electrical equipment, and piles of Kerry’s wedding photography. Occasionally the hatch is opened in order that we can hurl yet another peice of debris onto the pile, but generally the place is treated like a no-mans-land where no mortal dares to tread.

To Amy of course it is a secret repository of toys; where, if she pesters hard enough, she is allowed to venture in order to gather long forgotten teddies, rattles, and baby books which both she and Evan have theoretically grown out of.

I had cause to go up there this afternoon on a hunt for a desk spotlight that I could use to replicate Clair’s rather wonderful photography. Unfortunately I couldn’t find one, but I did take a few photo’s whilst I was up there. Most of which were rubbish, but i was relatively pleased with this one.