Loading up the dishwasher I heard the patter of feet behind me.
“What you doin’ Daddy?” Evan asked.
“Cleaning up the kitchen” I answered “What are you doing?”
“I picking nose”
October, 2008:
Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law
Kerry and I had a night out on the town on Thursday night. We started off by going for a Japanese meal in Leeds, and then headed on over to the City Varieties to see the comedian Rich Hall. I’d bought the tickets for Kerry’s birthday, but she saw through my ruse straight away; correctly identifying that I’d bought them more for me than for her. The only way I could have been more obvious would be if I’d asked her to babysit so I could take Dave.
Still, she got a new phone and a blog, what more does she want.
Rich Hall was good, but not as good as I’d hoped he would be. In the first half he kept stumbling over his material, but in the second he hit his stride a little more and the show took off. His interaction with the audience was top notch, and I preferred his spontaneous meandering to his scripted routines.
While we were waiting for the show to start Kerry got all rebellious and started taking pictures with her camera-phone.
As shocking as that was however, it wasn’t the full extent of our law breaking that evening.
Sitting in the passenger seat of my car on the way home (Kerry drove so I could drink. Happy birthday honey) I suddenly realized that there was something missing from the corner windscreen.
I had no tax disc.
I used to have a tax disc. In fact I remember putting it in quite vividly because it took me half an hour of wrestling to get it into the holder. But now it seemed I was discless.
When we got back home I had a route around the rubble in my footwell but it was still nowhere to be found. There was only one conclusion to jump to: some bugger has pinched it.
The only time I can think this happened is when my car got broken into in July. Which leads me to two conclusions: Firstly I’ve been very lucky to avoid the attention of the police and enthusiastic traffic wardens for the last three months. And secondly; I must have the observational powers of a blind wombat not to have noticed it’s absence before now.
I’ve rung my lease company and arranged for a replacement disc. It doesn’t look like I’m going to have to pay for it either, which I’m pretty happy about. I am, however, going to have to keep the car off the road for a week until It arrives, which is going to be a real pain in the arse.
It has been suggested by some that I drive the car anyway and risk getting spotted by the cops, the rational being I’ve got away with it since July so I’ll probably get away with it for a few more days.
I know better however. My karma doesn’t work like that and as soon as I started my engine I just know I’ll be descended on by half of the West Yorkshire police force on a special training day about how to catch car tax dodgers. The whole thing would end up in a dramatic car chase, culminating in me driving though the front window of Morrisons and embedding my car in the yogurt aisle.
I don’t fancy spending the next twenty years in prison; I’ve heard they don’t even get wireless broadband in there.
So for the next seven days or so I’m without a car. Or at least Kerry is, as I’ve now officially commandeered her vehicle. She’s at work all next week but I don’t have to go in to mine until next Friday. What if I want to catch an afternoon showing at the cinema or something? Or nip to the shop for some more diet coke? I think it’s important I am given the priority in such things. After all, it’s only a hour and a quarter train journey to her office.
Oh yes, I’m the perfect husband. I bet you’re all feeling pretty jealous out there huh?
Mmmm… credit crunchy
So the world loses another bank and I become even more uneasy about my recent decision to go part time. Theoretically we should be OK. Kerry and I both work for the public sector which should provide at least some level of security. Plus I work as a mental health crisis nurse in Halifax, a town that may well be on the verge of loosing it’s major employer. I see plenty of depressed ex-HBOS workers in my future I’m afraid.
Still, it’s time to watch the pennies. I’ve just discovered Quidco.com and have made over £200 on it simply by switching a couple of bank accounts and credit cards around. The fact that this is paying for my new iPod touch is completely beside the point. It’s still saving money damnit.
I’ve also been reading Jeff’s excellent guide to reducing debt. If you haven’t checked it out already then do so, it’s well worth a look.
But the economizing move that I am most proud of is my fantastic new iPod case.
For some reason my iPod’s screen has picked up a few minor scratches recently. This never happened to my old one, must be all the diamonds I’m carrying around in my pockets.
I did a little bit of online research and discovered that a half decent iPod case was going to cost me around £20. Scandalous! You could buy 200 packets of space raiders for that!!
So using the expert craftsmanship that has been handed down through generations of Hughes’ I lovingly fashioned my own bespoke case. Behold:
Not bad eh? I’m thinking of setting up my own Etsy shop, I could make a fortune!
World War III, the final battle. Part 2
Well, the USA has quite a task ahead of them. Morticia was able to polish off all the answers to the UK’s questions yesterday. She says this is down to being forced to watch crap TV by her mother, but this is a woman who has professed a love for the Archers so it’s pretty established she has a taste for shit programs allready. I suspect it was in fact Morticia forcing the rest of her family to watch You Bet.
Anyway, it’s the US teams turn now. And as this is the last in the series and the score is one all, there is everything left to play for. The USA has to identify all ten of the theme tunes in less than three hours fifty eight minutes or else loose the trophy to the mighty Brits. You can almost cut the tension with a knife.
Here we go:
Tune 1
Tune 2
Tune 3
Tune 4
Tune 5
Tune 6
Tune 7
Tune 8
Tune 9
Tune 10
World War III, the final battle. Part 1
This is going to be the last time I run this particular quiz. And with the score at one all it looks like this one is going to be the decider. It’s the contest of the century folks, and you saw it here first.
Ok, so just in case you didn’t catch this last time, here are the rules:
Saturdays questions will be for British people, and Sundays for the Americans. If you are neither of these nationalities then just pick a side.
Saturdays questions for the British team will be posted at 12 noon London Time (currently GMT +1). Sunday’s questions for the American Team will be posted at 12 noon Chicago time (currently GMT –5).
The winning team will be the ones who answer the most questions correctly. In the case of a tie the team which has taken the shortest amount of time to answer their questions correctly will be the winner. The contest will be open for exactly one week. There is no prize other than basking in the glorious knowledge that your nation is truly superior to all others.
Here we go for the final time with the tunes for team GB:
Tune 1
Tune 2
Tune 3
Tune 4
Tune 5
Tune 6
Tune 7
Tune 8
Tune 9
Tune 10
Filling up the ‘pod
This morning I got an email from Phil, of A Family Runs Through It fame
Dan,
You’re the iTouch Man, right?
What cool things can I put on my wife’s new iTouch? I’ve already installed Sudoku and some Jewel game that she likes, but do you have any other recommendations?
Oh Phil, Phil, what have you done?
As you may or may not know, my history with the iPod touch is a rollercoaster ride of ecstasy and despair. First I found love, then I lost it, and just recently I’ve found it again. Yes that’s right, I’ve bought another one – a 32 gigabyte hunka hunka burnin’ love.
This time I’ve had it engraved on the back: “Dan’s iPod. Do not lose”. That should protect me from any further bereavements.
Kerry of course has an iPhone. That woman always has to go one better than me.
Anyway, back to Phil’s question. I know he was really referring to Apps when he asked for recommendations, but I’ve decided to be a little more comprehensive in my answer.
Music
Way to Normal by Ben Folds. Unlike my other favorite band, Barenaked Ladies, the quality of each new Ben Folds album just keeps getting better and better. This was released Tuesday, and has been on virtually constant re-play in my house ever since. The duet with Regina Spektor (You don’t know me) is a particular stand out, but it’s all good.
The Essential Jerry Reed. Country music is usually a genre I won’t touch with a ten foot pole, but there is just something so joyous and life affirming about Reeds music that speaks volumes to me. Plus he played Snowman in Smokey and the Bandit, so you can’t go wrong.
Podcasts
Adam and Joe. Taken from highlights of their Saturday morning BBC 6 Music Radio Show, these two guys are comic geniuses. At the moment Joe is away in LA and so film director Garth Jennings is sitting in for him. Coincidentally we just watched Jenning’s film Son of Rambow last night and it was rather good.
Hamish and Andy. I’ve only just discovered this one. Hamish and Andy are a coouple of Australian DJ’s who have a radio show over in Oz, and this daily podcast contains the highlights. They are actually quite a bit like Adam and Joe, but a bit more brash. The program has quite an intimate home made feel to it which I find charming, although production values are obviously very high.
The Bugle. Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver’s (the guy from the daily show) audio newspaper for a visual world. Two English men’s satirical take on world politics, although admittedly focused mainly on UK and US news stories. The bugle is consistently funny and well worth a listen.
The Collings and Herrin podcast. Andrew Collins, the slightly less successful half of Collins and Maconie, and Richard Herring, the slightly less successful half of Lee and Herring, team up. Made in Herring’s attic with the built in mic of his MacBook the podcast is a fantastic hour of two funny men talking complete rubbish. I once got an email from Richard Herring you know. Friend of the stars, that’s me.
Apps
Apple have recently started allowing third party developers create applications for the iPod touch and the iPhone. If you buy one of the second generation models (the ones currently on sale) of either of these devices then you get the ability to download new apps automatically. If you have an older model then you can buy a software upgrade that will allow you to do it.
Here are some of the apps Kerry and I use:
Ambiance This handy dandy application plays loops of soothing sounds direct to your earholes. Some of the sounds are very relaxing, and some of them… not so much. Have you ever tried to go to sleep to the sound of a lightsaber? It’s not easy. Ambiance costs £0.59 in the UK. I’m guessing it costs $0.99 in the States.
Facebook. Ever wanted to poke someone from the privacy of your own bedroom? Well now you can with this innovative new application. Actually it’s not all that innovative, basically it just reformats facebook to make it easier to read on the iTouch/iPhone’s screen. It’s pretty nice though, and best of all it’s free.
Last.fm. The Last.fm app allows you to create your own radio station based on an artist or genre. Basically you type in “Flock of Seagulls” or whatever, and Last.fm generates a playlist of artists similar to Flock of Seagulls then streams the music to you. Great stuff. You have to be connected to the internet for it to work obviously. Last.fm is free.
IM+ All-in-one messenger – Allows you to instant message from your iTouch. Covers AOL, ICQ, Yahoo, Google talk, MSN, Jabber and Myspace. I’m on AOL personally, username: dghughes28. I talk to Whit, Lee, Greg and Deb on there. If anyone else fancies having a chat then just give me a IM. IM+ All-in-one messenger is free.
Wikipanion. Much like the Facebook app does for Facebook, Wikipanion increases the usability of the mighty wikipedia for the iPhone/iTouch. Now you can find out the migrational range of the Blue Footed Booby at the touch of a button. Wikipanion is also free, hurrah!
Movies. Gives you names and times of movies playing in local cinemas, as well as allowing you to watch trailers and read reviews etc. All stuff that’s available on the regular net, but it’s nicely laid out here. Kerry and I use it to gaze at longingly while remembering a time before kids when we actually had a life. Free.
Remote. Acts as a remote control for your iTunes through your WiFi network. Last night Kerry had gone to bed before me and I was sitting up reading blogs. All of a sudden “Who needs sleep” by Barenaked Ladies started blurting out of my MacBook’s speakers. As soon as I turned it off then the “Goodnight Song” from Bear in the Big Blue House came on. It was bloody Kerry and her iPhone upstairs sending me not-so-subtle hints to get to bed. Nagging through the wonders of modern technology, bloody marvolous. Remote is free too.
Solebon Solitaire. There are a few solitaire applications out there, but this is the best one we’ve found. It has almost 30 different versions of the game, and each one is devastatingly addictive. This application is the reason my children are no longer fed and clothed and are now running feral. Solebon Solitare costs £0.59.
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And that’s your lot. Is there anyone left reading this? Anyone? Hello??
I’ll just turn the lights off when I leave then shall I.