Archive for November, 2007

Limping in across the line

Published by
Dan
at November 30, 2007 in Blogging. 10 Comments

I’m sat at work at 11:15pm after a particularly gruelling shift, not yet able to lock up and make my weary way back to bed because by the time I get home it will be past midnight and I won’t have blogged today.  Thank god this is the last damn day of NaBloPoMo.
 
So what have we learned this month?
 

Apologies to anyone that has commented and been left out, but the above sample is anything but scientific and your absence means nothing other than a damning indictment of my inability to do things methodically.

So long NaBloPoMo, and thanks for all the fish.

Living up to all stereotypes about hapless fathers

Published by
Dan
at November 29, 2007 in General. 8 Comments

Periodically Kerry has to go away on business, last night was one of those times and I was left home with the kids. The following text message conversation took place the day after.

[Kerry. 29-Nov-2007. 08:51]
Everything go ok this morning?

[Dan. 29-Nov-2007. 09:05]
Depends on your definition of OK. Both kids are still alive, that’s the main thing

[Dan. 29-Nov-2007. 09:12]
Evan was awake between 1am and 3am, he was sick at 6am. I put his nappy on wrong and he peed all over his only clean trousers and my only ironed shirt. I lost the brown inhaler and spent fifteen minutes looking for it (it was in the Mr Potato head bucket). I was half an hour late for work (part due to traffic admittedly)

[Kerry. 29-Nov-2007. 09:15]
Oh dear

[Dan. 29-Nov-2007. 09:17]
Indeed

Face fungus

Published by
Dan
at November 28, 2007 in General. 8 Comments

You know you’re beard has grown too long when your one year old son grasps it with both hands and uses it to pull himself from sitting to standing.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, i need to go bathe my face in a basin of warm water.

Shameless meme rustling

Published by
Dan
at November 27, 2007 in Memes. 10 Comments

It’s day 27 of NaBloPoMo and I’m just about spent. Don’t be surprised if you hear nothing from me for the entire of December.

So today I’m resorting to a meme I’ve stolen off Bec, who in turn stole it from someone else. I don’t know what’s coming to the world these days. There was a time where people waited to be tagged before they did a meme; these days rampant meme theft is sweeping the entire globe. The rapid disintegration of Western civilization can’t be too far behind.

So here we go, the iTunes meme

How many total songs?
2039 songs, 5.2 days worth of listening.

Sort by song title - first and last…
First: A - Barenaked Ladies
Last: 50 ways to leave your lover - Paul Simon

Sort by time - shortest and longest…
Shortest: Here come the ABCs - They Might Be Giants (0.11)
Longest: Twelve Stops and Home - The Feeling (9.56)

Sort by Album - first and last…
First: All Over the World - ELO
Last: 50 Various Songs and Nursery Rhymes - Various

Sort by Artist - first and last…

First: Art Brut

Last: Willie Nelson

Top five played songs…
In Between Days - Ben Folds
Call and Answer - Barenaked Ladies
Songs of Love - Ben Folds
All U Can Eat - Ben Folds
There’s Always someone Cooler - Ben Folds

Find the following words. How many songs show up?

Sex: 3,

Death: 0,

Love: 68,

You: 194,

Home: 57,

Boy: 104,
Girl: 57.

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle…

My Record Company - K’s Choice
Fair - Ben Fiold’s Five
Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
Sister - Sufjan Stevens
A Little Doubt Goes a Long Way - Reel Big Fish

Walk(ie) the talk(ie)

Published by
Dan
at November 26, 2007 in The Dales Walk. 6 Comments

So I bought myself a walkie-talkie. And because as we all know one walkie-talkie is neither use nor ornament I bought another one too. And then I bought another one, and then another. Yes I have four walkie-talkies. Living the dream man, living the dream.

The justification for this rather extravagant purchase is that they will be invaluable in our upcoming 78 mile sponsored walk. That’s right, I bought them all in the name of charity. Shame on you for assuming that I got them just fulfill some sort of childish fantasies.

Just in case you need any further persuasion of my philanthropic intentions, here are the top five reason why walkie-talkies are essential to our trek:

  • We can all assign ourselves cool call signs just like on Smokey and the Bandit or Top Gun; thereby increasing both morale and our attractiveness to the opposite sex (Burt Relolds and Tom Cruse were voted “Worlds Sexiest Man” in 1977 and 1986 respectively. Coincidence? I very much doubt it).
  • If for any reason the country is invaded by a hostile foreign force during the walk we could hide out in the hills and become a guerrilla resistance force. We would use the walkie-talkies to co-ordinate our devastating attacks on the enemy.
  • When one of us falls down a crevice or abandoned mine shaft we can throw a handset after them and keep them entertained by singing songs from the shows until the air ambulance arrives.
  • We can use them to keep saying “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfunster” to each other a-la Die Hard (the ITV pre-watershed edit).
  • One of the many technical features of the walkie-talkies is when switched on they emit a high frequency tone which repels mosquitos; thus reducing the risk of our entire party dying of malaria

    • .

Pretty compelling arguments I think you’ll agree.

There are some drawbacks however. While the majority of the walkers will be more than happy with the rugged black and silver lines of the Binatone Trek 100 Personal Mobile Radios; I am very much aware that Paul may find it a little harsh. He is a sensitive soul with delicate needs. For example take his recent post on the Dales Walk blog on what type of moisturizer, eye cream and exfoliator he should take with him on the hike. The daily dilemmas that this fragile flower has to suffer through is inhumane. Therefor I have had a quiet word with Amy and she has assured me he can use her walkie-talkies for the duration of the trip. You are welcome Paul.

walki.jpg

This is cross posted at the Dales Walk blog

Oh to be Josh Baskin

Published by
Dan
at November 25, 2007 in General. 7 Comments

When I was growing up the United States appeared to be a magical and wondrous place. My entire perception of the country was based on a regular diet of American comics, movies, and they painted a breathtaking picture of life on the other side of the pond.  It was a land of  sea monkeys and Disney World, of multi-channel TV and exotic sounding “candy”.    A country where KITT patroled the streets, Airwolf ruled the skys, and if you had a problem, and no one else could help, then maybe you could hire the A-Team. 
 
But one of the most appealing aspect of American culture was walkie-talkies. If TV and movies were to be believed, and there was no reason why they shouldn’t be, every American child lived in blissful leafy suburbia. Their best friend lived next door to them, the girl/boy of their dreams lived directly opposite, and they all communicated with each other with walkie-talkies. These were the days before mobile phones, and the very idea that you could communicate with your friends from the comfort of your own bedroom was awe inspiring.

But I didn’t have a walkie-talkie, and even if I did all my friends lived out of range. I did briefly toy with the idea of rigging up some sort of string and tin can phone system but it never really took off. So I was doomed to live out my childhood in a walkie-talkie deprived existence. A tragic tale of hardship I’m sure you’ll agree.

But life moves on, you learn to cope with the traumas of your childhood and put the scars behind you. Sure, you might get a flashback or two now and again but you struggle through and forge a new life for yourself. Until, that is, some well meaning blogging friends send your daughter a set of walkie-talkies for her fourth birthday. Then all the old wounds are opened and the pain begins once more.

But now I am an adult. An adult with a credit card.

More tomorrow.

Saturday Review

Published by
Dan
at November 24, 2007 in Review. 3 Comments

A periodic look at stuff I’ve been consuming recently.

Book: The Last Days of Newgate by Andrew Pepper

bookIt is a common complaint that society is going to the dogs. The newspapers churn out a constant screaming hysteria about paedophiles, asylum seekers and the yobs on our streets. The TV news subtly echo the shrieks given out by their grubby cousins in the print media, the newscasters’ sensationalism all the more potent for its sombre delivery and air of authority. And we consume it all. We worry about bird flu and antisocial behaviour. We worry about Polish people swamping our public services and the mentally ill killing us in our beds. We worry about what they tell us to worry about.

It’s true, the world is a scary and dangerous place. It’s true that there is a lot to worry about out there. But I honestly don’t believe that it’s any more scary or dangerous than it’s always been. There has never been a golden age, no matter what people tell you. People have always done bad things to each other, we are just constantly bombarded with it now, that’s all.

The last days of Newgate by Andrew Pepper is a historical novel set in 1829’s. It follows Pyke, a member of the Bow Street Runners (a prototypical police force) and his efforts to solve a grizzly murder and clear his own name. While I’m well aware it’s a work of fiction and as such can’t be taken as a true representation of reality, it certainly paints a bleak and bloody picture of regency Britain.

This is not the prim and proper England of Jane Austin’s Mr Darcy. This is a filthy, dangerous, poverty stricken slum of an England. A place where there is crime on every street and death round every corner. The fogs are grey and the morals even greyer. It is, in short, not a very nice place to live.

The plot races through the book so fast it almost falls out of your hands. Pyke is commissioned by a loathsome aristocrat to investigate robberies at his brother’s bank. Things quickly escalate out of all control, with murder, politics, and religious tensions all churning together into a complicated and intriguing brew. The majority of the action takes place on the grim back streets of London, but we also get a look at Belfast and a fascinating account of life inside Newgate prison. I can’t attest to the accuracy of the history it presents, but it certainly seems very authentic to me.

Pyke battles his way through the proceedings by exploiting his loved ones and brutally killing every second person he comes across. He is the very definition of anti-hero. Normally I am not attracted to amoral protagonists, preferring my heroes to be a little cleaner cut, but for some reason I really took to Pyke, and will certainly attempt to follow him on any subsequent adventures.

In fact the only negative thing I can find to say about the book is that the author unfortunately felt the need to include the obligatory love interest. Why can’t we ever have a good old rip-roaring story without getting soppy girls involved? To be fair though it doesn’t get in the way too much, and the subject of the subplot is an interesting character in her own right.

You can find The Last Days of Newgate by Andrew Pepper on Amazon for £3.49. Bargain.

Now we are four

Published by
Dan
at November 23, 2007 in General. 18 Comments

IMG_3459-1

There was a time when I could throw Amy high into the air. I’d swoop my arms under her and fling her skywards, her body so small and light that she’d escape gravity’s notice for one brief moment. Then her giggling and squealing would alerted its attention to her once more and she’d be returned to my arms.

These days she is too big for me to casually sweep off her feet. She sees me throwing her brother up and down and she always asks “Do it to me Daddy”, but there is a bittersweet melancholy to the request. Both she and I know that, while I’ll gamely try, I don’t have the strength required to propel her to any significant altitude anymore. She no longer flies through the air with the greatest of ease. Our lift offs are heavy and the landings ungainly. She’s just too big.

Today Amy turned four years old. Our baby is no longer a baby. And it’s true I miss being able to effortlessly throw her into the air, or fastening up her zips for her, or holding her hand so she doesn’t stumble as she walks. But where there have been goodbyes said, we have also said hellos. Hello to the articulate, compassionate, and fun loving girl she has grown to be. Hello to the sweet little girl ever eager to talk, explore, and laugh. And while we look back with fondness, we look forward with hope, joy, and pride that we are her parents.

Because while we may not be able to throw her in the air anymore, we’ll always be there to catch her should she fall.

A report from our man in Grassington

Published by
Dan
at November 22, 2007 in The Dales Walk. 8 Comments

Today I’ve been trying to make some headway into finding us somewhere to stay on our first night. What I really need is a accommodation booklet published by the Dales Way Society which is only available from tourist information centers in the Dales themselves. You can actually get it through mail order too, but the society only accept checks and the last time I actually owned a check book was in 1999. I’m all about the new millennium now baby. We may not have any jet cars or colonies on Mars, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste energy and ink writing on slips of paper in order to pay for stuff. A line has to be drawn somewhere, and I’m drawing it here.

So instead I drove one and a half hours to Grassington Tourist information Center.

And it’s closed.

Bugger.

Read the rest of the post over at the Dales Walk blog

A little bit of politics

Published by
Dan
at November 21, 2007 in Politics. 10 Comments

Yesterday it was announced that HM Revenue and Customs has lost two discs containing the names, addresses, bank details, dates of birth, and national insurance numbers of every family with a child under 16 years old.

That would include us then.

Apparently the discs containing the details of over 25 million people who receive child benefit were posted on the 18th of October to the National Audit Office and never arrived at the other end. They were sent via normal internal mail, without any form or recorded delivery or tracking placed on them.

Of course various people have resigned over the affair, and no doubt the responsible junior admin officer has been told to pack up their belongings and never darken the doors again. To be honest I feel sorry for them, I can quite easily imagine myself doing something equally incompetent. And anyway, if it’s anything like the internal mail at the NHS I imagine the discs will eventually turn up sometime in August of next year.

I’m not particularly upset over the issue. Even if some identity thieves do manage to get hold of the discs and empty our bank account any losses will be reimbursed. But it does highlight a very important point. As Liberal Democrat Vince Cable said:

After this disaster how can the public possibly have confidence in the vast centralised databases needed for the compulsory ID card scheme?

The answer is pretty simple. We can’t.

BBC News - UK’s families put on fraud alert

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