My friends Paul and Becky are expecting their first baby in March. I advise them to avert their eyes lest their rosy view of their impending parenthood be cruelly tarnished.
At eight o’clock last night Amy told us she was poorly and needed medicine. Our first thought was that she just had a craving for the sugary stickiness of a spoonful of calpol, and this was reinforced when we asked her where she felt ill and she pointed to her chin. We changed our minds two minutes later however when she projectile vomited all over me. A pretty good definition of paternal love is the subconscious suppression of the natural instinct to recoil when you are spewed on, instead of pushing her away I brought her sobbing body towards me in a cuddle and received another dousing for my trouble.
We both stripped off and I went upstairs for a shower while Kerry cleaned Amy up. I got into my pajamas and then took her into our room to read her a story; at which point she vomited all over me and the bed. The rest of the night followed the same pattern, every half an hour or so she woke up crying and retching bile. She ended up sleeping in our bed surrounded by sandbags concocted of towels, while Kerry and Evan took refuge in her room.
By the time morning arrived I was a complete wreck, I had already been suffering the effects of sleep deprivation after driving to and from Filey twice over the weekend (long story), and the nights adventures in vomitland had done little to alleviate my suffering. Thankfully whatever it was that Amy had got had run it’s course. Of course we then had a overtired and grouchy three year old to deal with for the entire day.
Now we’re just waiting for Evan to get it.
Reviewed at Bloggy Award. About 6 months ago in a fit of narcism I submitted this blog to a few review sites, and the last one is in. Most of them have been of the “nice enough blog, but nothing I’m interested in” variety, which is to be expected really. No ones been nasty, which is what I was worried about.
Getamac Mitchell and Webb tell you why you should own a Mac. Even though I’ve bought a brand new shiny Macbook I still dig out the PC from time to time, and every time I do I am reminded why I bought a Macbook.
Amy and I were in the swimming pool and I noticed she was taking large gulps of the pool water.
“Don’t drink the water Amy!” I told her
“OK” she replied “because there won’t be any left for anyone else will there”
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We were taking a walk up the road in the general direction of the local primary school.
“When you’re a bigger girl Amy, this is the way we will walk to school”
“No Daddy, I’ll walk to school like a penguin” she corrected me, starting to waddle along the pavement.
Pop culture heroines Strong female characters in popular culture. A relatively new blog but shaping up to be very interesting. I do like putting this kind of stuff under the microscope.
I took this shot on my camera-phone just before leaving for work at some ungodly hour in the morning. As far as I’m aware there wasn’t any knockout gas seeping into our bedroom, but the soundness that all three were asleep certainly indicated it..
I’m very pleased to announce that we have ourselves a winner of the Joke competition. All the entries made me chuckle (except for Paul’s bloody orange for a head monstrosity), but every contest has to have a victor and so Bon Bon is soon to be the proud owner of possibly the finest children’s picture book ever written. Not only was her joke jolly entertaining, but it fit right in with our international community.
Email me your address Bon Bon and I’ll post it right out to you (I would send it via Greg but I have a sneaky suspicion he hasn’t passed on the last twelve gifts i sent you).
Some parents spend a good deal of time and energy worrying about which school they should send their kids to. Not us though, we have much bigger fish to fry. The decision we face concerns not just the future of our children, but the future of the entire world. We need to decide which superhero team our son is going to join.
Over the past few weeks Evan has developed a number of amazing abilities. Not only does he appear to have incredible matter transmorphing powers that allow him to dribble more liquid than he actually consumes; but he also has the uncanny capacity to alter his very body chemistry in order to turn his muscles into sprung steel. If Evan doesn’t want to bend in the middle, then by god he won’t bend in the middle.
Unfortunately due to his tender years his powers are not yet fully developed and can be triggered at random throughout the day. One minute you have a placid, floppy baby and the next an unexpected bout of rigidity has sent him pinging off your lap like a uncoiled spring.
I’m not sure where he got these abilities. He could be a mutant meta-human, or he may even have been bitten by a radioactive slinky while we weren’t looking. We can rule out some routes however - he has yet to see his parents cold bloodily gunned down by a mugger in Crime Alley for example (I always thought Thomas and Martha Wayne were pretty foolish in taking young Bruce to that particular Gotham neighborhood - the name gives it away as a rather poor place for a wholesome family outing).
Whatever the means he gained his superhuman abilities, as his parents it is our duty to ensure that he learns that with great power comes great responsibility. Kerry is busy sewing The Amazing Springo Lad (for that will be his name) a special lycra costume with the nappy on the outside, and I’m in the process of converting the pushchair to the Springomobile. Pretty soon no evil will be safe from his ever watchful gaze, and the world will be a safer place.
Most of the paint washed off in the bath, but either blue is particularly virulent or Amy’s cheek is especially absorbant. Either way, years from now Amy will be able use this photo as an enduring record of the day that her face first developed a healthy blue glow.
Two hundred and seventy pounds for climbing up a ladder and sticking a new aerial on top of the roof? Two hundred and seventy pounds?! TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY POUNDS??!!
… my heart… can’t take the strain… life flashing before eyes…. goodbye cruel world…
What? It’s covered on the house insurance? Well two hundred and seventy pounds is quite reasonable really. After all, I bet their insurance premiums are very high. I wonder if they could upgrade the aerial in any way - gold plated connectors or something. After all, anything less than the best would be a false economy really.
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