All that comes with it

Amy and I went to Cannon Hall Farm today. I had half expected that there would be some sort of Christmas event this week. You know the sort of thing, ducks dressed up as Santa, goats with baubles hanging from their horns, or pigs wrapped in tinsel; but no such luck. The entire place was virtually deserted. The schools haven’t broken up yet and it’s too late in the term for any organised trips. Add to that heavy fog and temperatures three degrees above freezing and you have one empty farm.

As is the norm in these places, included in the admission was a bag of food to give to the animals. Every thing was going well initially. We had a look at the ducks and a quick tour of the rabbits and guinea pigs. It looked like the lack of other visitors wasn’t going to have that much of an effect on our trip.

I first realised that Amy wasn’t going to enjoy herself when we got to the large animal section. Without warning a pen full of goats began flinging themselves against the fencing and she shrieked in terror. Everywhere we went led to a similar scene; deranged donkeys, lunatic llamas and screwy sheep all rushed towards us, bleating braying or baaing franticly. It seemed that the lack of visitors to the farm had led to fewer bags of food being distributed and as a result the whole place was full of ravenous livestock.

Fortunately we found a quiet corner and a couple of friendly goats who were more than happy to relieve us of our food in a more gentle manner. Once they could see our white paper bag was empty the rest of the animals became a more sedate and Amy started enjoying herself a bit more. The rest of the visit went without incident; we even managed to get a bit of Christmas shopping done at the gift shop.

However, if Amy wakes up in the middle of the night crying about sheep wanting to eat her I won’t be that surprised.

“Dogs being sick whilst both children crying should not be allowed.”

It’s not very often that I’m actually pleased I am at work.

(applause)

Thank you, thank you. Please, no, I don’t deserve it, no, thank you. Words can’t express how overwhelmed I am to be here right now. Who would have thought all those months ago when I fired up the computer and decided to check out a little site called blogger.com that I would be standing in front of you today accepting this award for reaching my 200th post.

(applause, cheers)

Only a precious 20 million or so have reached these giddy heights, and I am both proud and honored to join their ranks. But I didn’t get here alone - as Sir Isaac Newton once said; I am a dwarf standing on the shoulders of giants. Although to be honest I prefer to think of myself as a llama standing on the back of dromedaries, but let’s not quibble.

(confused murmur)

First of all I’d like to thank Greg. He was the first blogger I ever read on a regular basis, and he was the inspiration for me starting my own. He is a fantastic writer, incredibly funny man, and an all round good egg. If you haven’t already checked out his blog then I strongly suggest you do, but please promise to come back and not abandon me now you know how entertaining the blogosphere really can be.

Greg isn’t the only member of his family who has some serious writing chops however; his wife Deb has an equally fine blog which is more than worth checking out. Both Greg and Deb have been extremely encouraging and supportive of this blog, particularly in its early days when it was only them and Kerry that were actually reading it. If it hadn’t been for them I would never have made it past ten posts, and that would have been a real shame as I have grown to really love doing this. So thank you guys, I never thought it was possible to make real friends over the internet, but it looks like I was wrong.

(applause)

Other people who I would like to specifically mention include Archie and Jeannette (my in-laws), Bon Bon, Paul, They call him Nat, Sandip, Hygiene Dad, Phil, Jared, Morticia, Steve, Adventure Dad, Henry, Clare’s Dad and any other regular commenter that I have left out. While I like to fool myself that I’m doing this in order to curate my memories of my children’s childhood, the truth is that I quite like the fact that other people read my blathering. I know there are a few others who read this and lurk in the background, and I appreciate their patronage as well, but it’s always nice for people to pop their head up and say hello.

(applause, some whooping from our rather uncouth American cousins)

Most of all I’d like to thank Kerry for being my fellow contributor, my sounding board, and my proof reader, as well as putting up with me spending many of my evenings in front of the computer (although to be fair I put up with her watching strictly come bloody dancing, so I think we are even).

(applause, cheering)

(fade out)