All that comes with it

Universal rule of existence #32: The longer you are off work, the harder it is to go back.

Yes I’m back at work, hence the slightly more sporadic posts recently. I’ve just finished a three day stint, which doesn’t sound much but trust me when you work 13 hour shifts it feels like you haven’t been home for a month. Initially it was all a bit difficult and all I could think about was how much I didn’t want to be there, but I soon settled into the swing of things.

Kerry’s parents kindly came up in order to keep her company while I was gone. Kerry is vegetarian and its always nice when fellow meat eaters come to stay as the balance of power is shifted. Generally we prepare herbivore orientated meals as Kerry and I are too lazy to cook twice. This means my carnivorous activities are usually confined the odd meal out, a takeaway or two, and the ham sandwiches I buy while at work. However, when the in-laws come to stay not only do we frequently eat meat as a main course, but on their departure they often leave little tubs of pre-prepared meat dishes tucked away in the fridge for me. Marvellous.

I once attempted to join Kerry in her vegetarianism. On New Years Eve 2004 I decided that going veggie would be both more ethical and more healthy so I made a vow to forsake meat. I lasted two weeks until the siren song of a bacon sandwich overcame my resolve.

I was working on a psychiatric rehabilitation ward at the time and we used to eat alongside the patients. The chef on hearing that I had gone veggie made great efforts to ensure that there would be a meat free dish made especially for me. He went to so much trouble to prepare special food that when I fell off the wagon I didn’t have the courage to tell him. This lead to the rather strange situation where I was a vegetarian both at home and work; the only time I consumed meat being when I was in transit between the two. My car interior became clogged with crumbs, sandwich cartons, and various Ginster packaging; and the various petrol stations along my route had to double their weekly orders of steak pies and Cornish pasties.

It wasn’t until three months later when my envy at the others tucking into a full roast dinner while I had a lentil bake became overwhelming. I caved in and confessed to the chef that I was back on the dead animal carcases. He took it very well considering. I’m sure that he never spat in any of my food after that point. I’m sure of it I tell you.

Amy is virtually vegetarian, as will Evan be I imagine. Kerry has never attempted to prevent her from eating meat, quite the opposite in fact, but she’s just never taken to it. She does eat some meat; she likes her fish fingers and will eat the odd sausage provided it’s well wrapped in pastry. She’s even been known to eat an occasional McChicken McDipper or whatever they are called. But she much prefers her broccoli and green beans and we’re ok with that (actually that’s untrue; she much prefers her chocolate and crisps but we’re not so ok with that).

Next year we’re planning on getting a vegetable patch going, and so hopefully will be eating some of our own produce. I planted some gooseberry bushes this autumn and the apple trees I planted last winter should fruit in the summer. We even tried to buy the field that adjoins our property so I could have a go at keeping some pigs and goats, but the buggers refused to sell. Still, I hope to get some chickens in the spring and providing the fox doesn’t get them we may get some eggs. Meat or not, hopefully 2007 will see some good food on our table.

I will probably get ostracised by all of my relations for sharing this with you; but I have decided to make public a recipe that has been handed down the Hughes family for generations. The potential benefits to the culinary arts are just too great for me to keep this secret any longer.

I remember the day that my father called me into the kitchen on my 18th birthday and, as was my right as eldest child, indoctrinated me into the ranks of the select few that knew the secret. And now, as keeper of this torch, I choose to pass it on to you. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

Ingredients
Bacon
Lettuce
Tomato
Bread
Butter

Method
Grill the bacon. Slice the tomato. Butter the bread. Place the bacon, sliced tomato, and a leaf of lettuce on a slice of buttered bread. Add ketchup to taste. Place another slice of bread on top.

Serving suggestion: Try putting the sandwich on a plate.

Do you have any secret family recipes you wish to share?

I did a night shift on the ward where I used to work on Sunday night. Partly to help them out because they are short of staff at the moment and partly because I wanted to use the money I’ll get so I can buy a load of superfluous DVDs from Amazon (I have the Bond bug at the moment. Victim of clever marketing? Me?).

Before I left I put Amy to bed. We’re having a few problems at night time at the moment. Amy has developed a fear of the dark and so needs the lights on all the time, she also frequently doesn’t want to be left alone, saying she’ll be “lost” if we leave her. Usually she accepts the fact that we’ll just be downstairs or in our room if she needs us, but I didn’t feel comfortable telling her this that night as I wouldn’t like her to come down (as she sometimes does) to find me not there.

Due to paternity leave and various bits of annual leave I haven’t been at work for around a month, and so me going came as a bit of a shock to her.

“Don’t go Daddy, stay here with me”

“I can’t sweetheart; I have to go to work”

“No!” she whimpered starting to cry “Stay at home with me, you work at home with me now. Home is your work”

How I wish it were true.