As you probably know, last month we received a food parcel from Greg and Deb giving us a taster of the kinds of food that could be found in their pantry. At the risk of alienating both the Lee family and the entire of the USA this is what we thought:
Twizlers
By far Amy’s favourite, although her short attention span when eating means that we still occasionally find partially eaten neglected stumps of Twizle squirreled away around the house.
Between us Amy and I managed to finish of a 1lb bag within around 3 days. The trick is to miss meals so you don’t use up valuable stomach space.
5 Gregs
Peanut butter and Jelly
I’ve always been a Sun-pat peanut butter man. With most foodstuffs I’m more than happy to accept supermarket own brand with no quibbles, but I insist on quality from my peanut butter.The packaging for Skippy peanut butter freaked me out a bit – jars should be glass goddamn it. But there is no denying that it’s good stuff. It was a lot less frothy and creamy than Sunpat, but in a good way.
The jelly (or jam as the civilised world calls it) won points even before I tasted it for coming in a handy container that doubles as a glass after the jelly is gone. However it lost points for being the first jar of jam that I’ve had to look for instructions on how to open, the lid pops off rather than screws I discovered after a puzzling five minutes.
Of course no jelly truly stands up to my own home made bilberry jam (the secret of the grittiness and strange aftertaste is not to bother taking the stalks off the berries).
4 Gregs
Taco kit
Tacos are a standard in out house, indeed they are the traditional meal for the annual Eurovisionfest. To be honest we haven’t tried these yet, but they are sitting in the cupboard waiting.
4 Gregs
Reese’s Peanut butter cups
Good grief these were sweet! As far as I can tell they consist solely of refined sugar smeared with peanut butter. They were so sweet my teeth retreated behind my tongue. Gregg said that a lot of ex-pat Americans complain that they can’t find these in England. The reason for this is probably our strict rules about chemical and biological weapons on domestic soil.
1 Greg
Tabasco and Habenero sauce
I’ve enjoyed a few zippy servings of scrambled eggs as a result of these two marvellous bottles.
5 Gregs
New Orleans style Red Beans and Rice
It is my sincere belief that Greg sent me this in a malicious and preconceived attempt to sabotage my status as Uber-husbandTM. After all, it is hard to put in a perfect performance as a husband and father when all you are able to do is sit on the toilet as gallons of fluid rushes out of your bowels. A little too graphic a description perhaps, but accurate.
They did taste nice, but perhaps I shouldn’t have eaten the whole box by myself in one sitting.
2 Gregs
S’mores Pop-Tarts
I am a broken man. I have been introduced to the wondrous taste of S’mores Pop Tarts by a prophet from beyond the seas, only to have it whipped away from me by the barbaric English supermarkets that refuse to stock such delights. Damn them, damn their eyes.
I was going to make a tremendously witty remark such as “They were really good, so good that I want s’moreâ€, but then discovered this is what the word means anyway. Ho hum.
5 Gregs
Orange tic-tacs
Q. What are a generals favourite sweets?
A. Tac-tics
We have these over here, but Amy enjoyed them both as a treat and a musical instrument to shake.
3 Gregs
Assorted candy bars
I can’t really comment on these as the majority of them mysteriously disappeared while I was at work. I have my suspicions of the culprit, but sadly no evidence.
3 Gregs
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
I was disproportionably excited at the prospect of eating a real life Kraft dinner, and the experience was everything I hoped and dreamed it would be – a slightly bland but pleasant meal based around the premise that powdered dairy products are a Good Thing.
Kerry wasn’t so keen but Amy and I wolfed it down.
4 Gregs
Again I want to thank Greg and Deb for their generosity. Trying all this stuff was both fun and interesting. There were tears, but there was also laughter. I think I speak for the entire Hughes household when I say that the whole affair was a learning experience for us, and we are better and more rounded human beings as a result. Damn it, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…
A parcel was put in the post for the Lee family this morning. I’m sure I won’t miss the kidney I had to sell to pay for the postage.
I think it’s odd that you say the package is for The Lee Family when it’s highly unlikely that anyone but me will be allowed to touch the contents (unless you included Marmite; that stuff is up for grabs). Sorry about the rough spot you ran into after eating the red beans and rice. However I can tell you from experience that you’re not alone. Many people react in a similar fashion when it comes to anything to do with New Orleans.
Speaking of laughter and tears—I was snickering so much when I read this that I had to close my office door. Then smothering my giggles made my eyes water, so yet another experience was shared by our families “across the water.”
By the way, Dan, I’m with you on the stupid lid for the jelly (jam, whatever). I couldn’t figure it out either, but my muscleman husband powered it off and I was saved.
Well, not me, personally. I don’t eat jelly or jam on my toast (naturally), but the ravening hoardes of children (all two of them) were running out of patience for their toast, so I was saved.
Hey dude, I’ve been following your blog since we last spoke, and have enjoyed reading it.
Anyway, what did the package of goodies you dispatched consist of?
..and further more, I just realised the images you were using to rate your tastes.
Braw. (That’s the term used in The Dandy comic, when I was a kid, to express a feeling of joy.)
Don’t you ever go to bed Sandip?
You realise that the image is of Greg rather than me. Although we do appear slightly similar when reduced to 50 pixels in width.
I’m planning on posting a “contents of the UK food parcel” article up here but:
a) I haven’t written it yet
b) I’ll wait untill Greg and Deb get the parcel, as I don’t want any meger suprises that it may contain to be spoilt.
hi Dan,
friend of Greg’s here…sounds like you’re new to s’mores. have you ever tried their original source? toast a marshmellow over a campfire, place between two squares of graham cracker with a piece of chocolate bar. the marshmellow will melt the chocolate a bit. voila! a gooey mess that often requires a shower after being eaten.
unfortunatly we don’t have graham crackers either, or I’m not aware we do in any case. I’ll have to look into it though.
hmmm, and i thought “graham cracker” was a british name. ;o)