Amy starts school on Tuesday.
For the last couple of weeks I’ve been waiting for the right moment to write about the mixed bag of emotions that Im feeling. Waiting for that serendipitous combination of free time, bittersweet mood, and good old fashioned inspiration which would be required to pay full justice to the momentous milestone my beautiful daughter is just about to pass.
But that time hasn’t arrived. Work has been hectic, my emotions have been drained, and, umm… well Kerry and I have just rejoined LoveFilm and there has been a whole stack of shiny new rental DVDs begging to be watched.
But the day fast approaches and I’m still wittering on about Margaret Thatcher and morris dancers. So I guess I’m just going to have to bite the bullet.
Amy starts school on Tuesday.
It is a good school. It has reasonable OFSTED reports, but more importantly it has a reputation as a friendly and nurturing place for children to develop. There are only 40 pupils there. That’s in the school, not in Amy’s class. She will be in a class of ten other children, eight of which will be starting with her and two of whom are there already. Ten children to one teacher and one teaching assistant, the ratios don’t get better than that.
The school is in walking distance from our house, and we only need to cross one relatively quiet road to get there. We will be saving £90 a week in nursery fees and my mum has agreed to pick her up after school on days when both Kerry and I will be working so we don’t need to worry about finding a child minder.
Amy is desperately excited about starting. She’s more than ready for the academic challenges and is ecstatic about the prospect of learning to read. She has her school uniform and her new school shoes all ready to go and she paws over them like they were encrusted with diamonds.
Amy starts school on Tuesday. But I don’t want her to go.
I’m going to miss her terribly. I look after the kids on Mondays and Wednesdays. Me, Evan and Amy; we’re a team. A bumbling and shambolic team with scruffy clothes and snot running down our faces, but a team all the same. When she goes to school there is going to be a big Amy shaped hole in my and Evan’s day. There will be no more going to tourist attractions on schooldays and avoiding the hordes, no more free and easy weekdays with no deadlines or time restraints. Things just aren’t going to be the same.
But more than that, Amy going to school cements the inevitable truth that my little girl is growing up. She’ll be five in a couple of months. The same time again and she’ll be ten. Then fifteen, then twenty, twenty five, thirty.
I know it shouldn’t, but the prospect of Amy starting school feels almost like a bereavement. It doesn’t help that I work a lot of weekends and so the amount of time I am able to spend with her will be reduced dramatically. I’m making moves to resolve this, and things are looking relatively positive, but I just can’t shake that feeling of loss.
They say that from the moment a baby is born parenting is an exercise in learning to let go. Now, more than ever, I’m finding that hard to deal with.
I think you’ve nailed the feeling. I’ve got another 12 months before my boy goes to full-time school, but can remember him starting nursery and feeling completely lost without him. It almost seems a shame that they start nursery and then school. With all the talk of school terms and holiday changes, perhaps we could suggest a 4 day week?
Anyway, I wish you ALL good luck with it.
SingleParentDads last blog post..The Wanderer Returns
Pah! I can’t wait to get my two packed back off to school. They’d be sitting there now on the doorstep if there wasn’t the certainty of being arrested for child neglect.
I’ve had enough of my two. Ungrateful little mustards they are. After 3 weeks of whining, squabbling, pinching, slapping and kicking each other (and us at times)despite the thousands of pounds spent taking them to see the delights of Disneyland, not to mention the PSP they each got as a treat (bribe) to be good.
You want kids? Well mine are going on e-bay ‘no minimum bid’ pretty soon if things don’t improve BIG time around here.
Just you wait until they turn into teenagers…that’ll lern yer!
Gails last blog post..Home at Last
I know what you mean. Or, I KNEW what you mean. My kids have both been in school, and it always felt strange to be saying goodbye to them for most of the day.
Now, with homeschooling, there are certainly days when I wish I could have a quiet house to myself, but in the end I’m enjoying the time with them. It might just be harder for me to “let go” when they’re older because I will be out of practice.
Well, my thoughts are with you. Now might be a good time to get that new iTouch, just to take your mind off the other stuff.
Phils last blog post..Weekend Whatnot
I am already dreading that day, and Lukas is only 14 months old. From the day they are born, parenting is an exercise in letting go.
So true, So true.
Jamess last blog post..Happiness, with a Daddy Chaser
The weirdest thing I found was that my son’s circle of influence grew exponentially. I was no longer one of the main people who guided him or led his way. He now had a world of people who could provide information that I could not control, and that was terrifying.
Five years isn’t a lot of foundation to send a child out into the world. But you’ll be amazed at how much it really does turn out to be.
Congrats on achieving just one more level of fatherhood.
Hygiene Dads last blog post..Sweep the leg, Johnny
I feel your pain.
I couldn’t say it much better than Hygiene Dad so I hope you don’t mind if I ride on his coat tails for a bit.
Good luck to you all.
Chucks last blog post..the exercise yard
It’s so hard. They get to the next step to quickly sometimes.
New challenges. Is it too soon to keep The Boy home just because I want to spend one more day with him?
Nats last blog post..It’s not easy staying green
My guy is not even nine months old, so I know it’s very different, but I look at early pictures and I want to scream because he will never be that age again and it’s so sad. But I know he’s happy about being able to express himself better and stand up by himself and laugh.
And it’s different in your case, but in a way it’s not, because you have to realize that she must be really excited about it and that it’s good for her to grow up and learn about the world around her.
I know it’s easier said than done.
People in the Suns last blog post..Eleven
I know it sucks. Though you don’t see it now, a great bonus to this is going to be the increased amount of quality time that you will enjoy with Evan.
Great post for one who was uninspired.
Before long you won’t be able to wait until she goes to college and gets out of the house!
Avitables last blog post..You lazy fuckers should be at work.
Great post and I think we all know how you feel!
Oh and what a great photo!!
:)
Jeff Ss last blog post..First Day!
Wow, I just wrote about something very similar to this. My daughter starts school next week…
creative-type dads last blog post..All Of My Friends Are Having Babies, And They Already Have One
I can’t imagin the feeling (not having kids and all) but I do wish you good luck with coping, feeling bad will probably pass after a while.
Arjans last blog post..The Fringe (premiere)
Dan I really get this. Miss M has another year at nursery but then she’ll be in reception full time and I’ll be gutted. I think maybe that’s because she’s my baby, my last one, but also I’ve been at home much more with M as I went back to work when she was 5 months old but stopped working when she was 15 months so she’s been with me full time since then.
I’m dreading Wednesday as Miss E will be back at school full time and M will be away each morning form 9.00-11.30am and I know I will miss them so much.
I suppose the good thing in all this is that we not only love our kids but we like them too. We like spending time with them. You’ll find time with Amy. Mr B works full time and has rehearsal at weekends but is still a very hands on dad and has a brilliant relationship with them. You will find a way. Hugs.
Jo Beaufoixs last blog post..Where am I?
Just wait until she gets back from school and can tell you about all the adventures she’s had, and the stuff she’s learnt!
SingleParentDad - I think they have a 4 day week in France. A much more civilized way of doing things if you ask me.
Gail - My kids have promised to be great teenagers. They’ve een signed a contract and everything.
Phil - No iTouch on the cards for me yet. but Kerry is getting an iPhone next month for her birthday, just to rub salt onto the wounds.
James - It’s so hard to live in the moment when things keep changing so fast.
Hygiene Dad - That widening of influence is one of the things I both look forward to and dread, depending on who becomes her friends and how good her teachers are.
Chuck - Copycat.
Nat - I think there should be a slow motion button to press on our kids childhoods.
People in the Sun - I think the emotions behind it are very similar. It’s that bittersweet feeling of looking forward and saying goodbye at the same time
Avitable - As long as she’s paying her own way
Jeff - Thanks, it was the first photo ever taken of her about ten minutes after she was born.
Creative-type dad - Copycat. Actually I’ve noticed a lot of us on the daddyblogger circuit are going through this at the moment.
Jo - I don’t know how i’ll cope when Evan goes to school too. I’m sure that i’ll start wanting to have another kid so the house will be full of toddler again. Not exactly a sustainable plan though.
Oli - If she’s anything like she is when she goes to nursery she’ll just respond “nothin’ ” to every question.
If you like you can look after me on your days off.
I’m not much taller than Amy, and I’m inclined to squeal less.
Plus I want to see for myself if Evan’s face is ever clean.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A man’s work is never done
Best of luck tomorrow for all of you Dan. I remember that time like it was yesterday. Just think, you have the joys of Sport’s Day and Nativity plays and recorder lessons to look forward to ;o)
Penelopes last blog post..Boys and their toys.
Xbox - I’m not looking after you, I’ve heard you’re not even potty trained.
Penelope - Yeah, thanks for that.
If it’s the school I think it is, two of my nephews went there and seemed to come out fine. That was a few years ago though.
Rols last blog post..So good, they named it once
Rol - It may well be, but thanks for not mentioning it by name. I’m pretty happy with the school, it’s just the whole “my children are growing up” thing i’m uncomfortable with.
I hope she has a fab time on her first day at school and comes home excited abour going back the next day.
On the plus side she’ll get to learn lots of rude-ish rhymes and silly jokes to share with you too.
On my oldests first day of Kindergarten there was only a thin thread of self control keeping me from running after the bus and getting my baby back. Then I started crying and some of the other moms started crying. Older moms stood there and nodded knowingly. It was a mess. She’s heading to Middle School tommorrow and I hope I do OK. I’m not sure about it, but then I think of a day free from pre-teen hormonal outburst and I think I’m good. But, we’ll see.
Best wishes to Amy!
ImPerceptibles last blog post..Swirly Yourself Down The Drain
Serious question: as a percentage of weight in that photo, who has gained more weight in the years that passed since the photo was taken?
(OK, not at all serious.)
Rattling the Kettles last blog post..“After I blow out the candles, I will be three years old!”
I hear you. Dudelet starts reception tomorrow, dudelette’s place at the childminder was set up last week - it’s all too, too fast…You really should break the Morris dancing habit, though.
(un)relaxeddads last blog post..Well, I’m back. Again.
It’s that time of year. Oliver starts nursery next week. I already had a mopey moment tonight on Hayley’s shoulder. What a wimp! But it really is a wrench in so many ways. Haven’t managed to face blogging about it yet.
Hope it all went well today and that she settles right in. Sounds an idyllic school.
Morticia - She’s going to have a great time at school. It’s us I worry about.
ImPerceptible - I’ve shed a couple of tears about it I must be honest. But i’m just about coming to terms with it now.
Rattling the Kettle - I’m not sure. But I think it’d be a close call. And to think I used to consider myself fat back then.
(un)relaxeddad - I’ve just joined Morris Anonymous
Steve - We are very lucky with the school. If it had been a grotty one then i don’t think i’d have coped.
It’s funny how you’ll put off writing about something until the perfect conditions are met. In my case, anyway, those conditions never seem to arrive. Best of luck with the transition.
Holmess last blog post..365 # 62: Ryan M.
Spot on, my friend. It’s a bittersweet moment, that is for sure. Sounds like a great school though.
Who’s that skinny guy with hair holding Amy?
Whits last blog post..You Write the Post