Amy starts school on Tuesday.
For the last couple of weeks I’ve been waiting for the right moment to write about the mixed bag of emotions that Im feeling. Waiting for that serendipitous combination of free time, bittersweet mood, and good old fashioned inspiration which would be required to pay full justice to the momentous milestone my beautiful daughter is just about to pass.
But that time hasn’t arrived. Work has been hectic, my emotions have been drained, and, umm… well Kerry and I have just rejoined LoveFilm and there has been a whole stack of shiny new rental DVDs begging to be watched.
But the day fast approaches and I’m still wittering on about Margaret Thatcher and morris dancers. So I guess I’m just going to have to bite the bullet.
Amy starts school on Tuesday.
It is a good school. It has reasonable OFSTED reports, but more importantly it has a reputation as a friendly and nurturing place for children to develop. There are only 40 pupils there. That’s in the school, not in Amy’s class. She will be in a class of ten other children, eight of which will be starting with her and two of whom are there already. Ten children to one teacher and one teaching assistant, the ratios don’t get better than that.
The school is in walking distance from our house, and we only need to cross one relatively quiet road to get there. We will be saving £90 a week in nursery fees and my mum has agreed to pick her up after school on days when both Kerry and I will be working so we don’t need to worry about finding a child minder.
Amy is desperately excited about starting. She’s more than ready for the academic challenges and is ecstatic about the prospect of learning to read. She has her school uniform and her new school shoes all ready to go and she paws over them like they were encrusted with diamonds.
Amy starts school on Tuesday. But I don’t want her to go.
I’m going to miss her terribly. I look after the kids on Mondays and Wednesdays. Me, Evan and Amy; we’re a team. A bumbling and shambolic team with scruffy clothes and snot running down our faces, but a team all the same. When she goes to school there is going to be a big Amy shaped hole in my and Evan’s day. There will be no more going to tourist attractions on schooldays and avoiding the hordes, no more free and easy weekdays with no deadlines or time restraints. Things just aren’t going to be the same.
But more than that, Amy going to school cements the inevitable truth that my little girl is growing up. She’ll be five in a couple of months. The same time again and she’ll be ten. Then fifteen, then twenty, twenty five, thirty.
I know it shouldn’t, but the prospect of Amy starting school feels almost like a bereavement. It doesn’t help that I work a lot of weekends and so the amount of time I am able to spend with her will be reduced dramatically. I’m making moves to resolve this, and things are looking relatively positive, but I just can’t shake that feeling of loss.
They say that from the moment a baby is born parenting is an exercise in learning to let go. Now, more than ever, I’m finding that hard to deal with.
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on Aug 31st, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Anyway, I wish you ALL good luck with it.
SingleParentDads last blog post..The Wanderer Returns
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on Aug 31st, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I’ve had enough of my two. Ungrateful little mustards they are. After 3 weeks of whining, squabbling, pinching, slapping and kicking each other (and us at times)despite the thousands of pounds spent taking them to see the delights of Disneyland, not to mention the PSP they each got as a treat (bribe) to be good.
You want kids? Well mine are going on e-bay ‘no minimum bid’ pretty soon if things don’t improve BIG time around here.
Just you wait until they turn into teenagers…that’ll lern yer!
Gails last blog post..Home at Last
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on Aug 31st, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Now, with homeschooling, there are certainly days when I wish I could have a quiet house to myself, but in the end I’m enjoying the time with them. It might just be harder for me to “let go” when they’re older because I will be out of practice.
Well, my thoughts are with you. Now might be a good time to get that new iTouch, just to take your mind off the other stuff.
Phils last blog post..Weekend Whatnot
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 12:35 am
So true, So true.
Jamess last blog post..Happiness, with a Daddy Chaser
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 2:10 am
Five years isn’t a lot of foundation to send a child out into the world. But you’ll be amazed at how much it really does turn out to be.
Congrats on achieving just one more level of fatherhood.
Hygiene Dads last blog post..Sweep the leg, Johnny
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 3:11 am
I couldn’t say it much better than Hygiene Dad so I hope you don’t mind if I ride on his coat tails for a bit.
Good luck to you all.
Chucks last blog post..the exercise yard
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 4:15 am
New challenges. Is it too soon to keep The Boy home just because I want to spend one more day with him?
Nats last blog post..It’s not easy staying green
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 4:33 am
And it’s different in your case, but in a way it’s not, because you have to realize that she must be really excited about it and that it’s good for her to grow up and learn about the world around her.
I know it’s easier said than done.
People in the Suns last blog post..Eleven
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 4:44 am
Great post for one who was uninspired.
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 5:02 am
Avitables last blog post..You lazy fuckers should be at work.
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 6:16 am
Oh and what a great photo!!
:)
Jeff Ss last blog post..First Day!
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 7:14 am
creative-type dads last blog post..All Of My Friends Are Having Babies, And They Already Have One
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 9:06 am
Arjans last blog post..The Fringe (premiere)
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 9:38 am
I’m dreading Wednesday as Miss E will be back at school full time and M will be away each morning form 9.00-11.30am and I know I will miss them so much.
I suppose the good thing in all this is that we not only love our kids but we like them too. We like spending time with them. You’ll find time with Amy. Mr B works full time and has rehearsal at weekends but is still a very hands on dad and has a brilliant relationship with them. You will find a way. Hugs.
Jo Beaufoixs last blog post..Where am I?
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 9:48 am
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 10:00 am
Gail – My kids have promised to be great teenagers. They’ve een signed a contract and everything.
Phil – No iTouch on the cards for me yet. but Kerry is getting an iPhone next month for her birthday, just to rub salt onto the wounds.
James – It’s so hard to live in the moment when things keep changing so fast.
Hygiene Dad – That widening of influence is one of the things I both look forward to and dread, depending on who becomes her friends and how good her teachers are.
Chuck – Copycat.
Nat – I think there should be a slow motion button to press on our kids childhoods.
People in the Sun – I think the emotions behind it are very similar. It’s that bittersweet feeling of looking forward and saying goodbye at the same time
Avitable – As long as she’s paying her own way
Jeff – Thanks, it was the first photo ever taken of her about ten minutes after she was born.
Creative-type dad – Copycat. Actually I’ve noticed a lot of us on the daddyblogger circuit are going through this at the moment.
Jo – I don’t know how i’ll cope when Evan goes to school too. I’m sure that i’ll start wanting to have another kid so the house will be full of toddler again. Not exactly a sustainable plan though.
Oli – If she’s anything like she is when she goes to nursery she’ll just respond “nothin’ ” to every question.
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 11:28 am
I’m not much taller than Amy, and I’m inclined to squeal less.
Plus I want to see for myself if Evan’s face is ever clean.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A man’s work is never done
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Penelopes last blog post..Boys and their toys.
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Penelope – Yeah, thanks for that.
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Rols last blog post..So good, they named it once
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 6:11 pm
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on Sep 1st, 2008 at 7:25 pm
On the plus side she’ll get to learn lots of rude-ish rhymes and silly jokes to share with you too.
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on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 12:18 am
Best wishes to Amy!
ImPerceptibles last blog post..Swirly Yourself Down The Drain
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on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 2:23 am
(OK, not at all serious.)
Rattling the Kettles last blog post..“After I blow out the candles, I will be three years old!”
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on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
(un)relaxeddads last blog post..Well, I’m back. Again.
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on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Hope it all went well today and that she settles right in. Sounds an idyllic school.
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on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
ImPerceptible – I’ve shed a couple of tears about it I must be honest. But i’m just about coming to terms with it now.
Rattling the Kettle – I’m not sure. But I think it’d be a close call. And to think I used to consider myself fat back then.
(un)relaxeddad – I’ve just joined Morris Anonymous
Steve – We are very lucky with the school. If it had been a grotty one then i don’t think i’d have coped.
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on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Holmess last blog post..365 # 62: Ryan M.
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on Sep 4th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Who’s that skinny guy with hair holding Amy?
Whits last blog post..You Write the Post
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on Jan 23rd, 2010 at 3:54 am
[...] read somewhere that being a parent is a lifelong process of learning to let go, truths of the statement ringing [...]