I’d like to start by thanking my agent…

James over at Luke, I Am Your Father (who incidentally wins my prize for best daddyblog name) has very graciously given me a Kick Ass Blogger award.

And it’s about time too damnit! For the past couple of days or so I’ve been watching my entire blogroll get this award. Whit, Ed, Xbox, Darren, VegasDad, Matthew, Brandon, PG, Jim; they’re all bloody at it.

For a while I got excited when I saw the name “Dan” on VegasDad’s list of nominees, only to discover it was for a blog called Daddy Dan. Daddy Dan? Who is this impostor? Oh… he’s a witty and engaging blogger (must be something about the name I guess). Still my point stands. Why haven’t I got one of these awards sooner?

After all, I think we can all agree I’m pretty much the dictionary definition of a kick ass blogger. Let’s consider the evidence:

• I liberally interchange the words “their” and “there” freely and with reckless abandon, proving to everyone that I am a rebel with little regard for the so called “grammatical rules” laid out by The Man. (the same applies for my revolutionary and innovative use of the comma in it’s)
• I set competitions on my blog and then forget to mail out the prizes to people, therefore lengthening indefinitely that delightful “I hope it comes today” sense of anticipation every time the winners check their mailboxes.
• I pester my readers to give me money more often than any other blog on the internet.
• I haven’t sorted out my blogroll yet, despite the fact that it has been several months since it disappeared after a wordpress upgrade. This gives me a sophisticated and tantalizing air of mystery. No one knows who I read and therefore my comments on other’s blogs come as if out of the ether. I am the Scarlet Pimpernel of the blogging world
• I have yet to post a picture of my testicles on my blog.

A pretty compelling list of arguments I think you’ll agree.

So, in order to redress the balance I contemplated the option that instead of giving out Kick Ass Blogger awards to five other bloggers I should instead give them all to myself. After all, I’m worth it.

What’s more if I received five more Kick Ass Blogger awards that means I would have 25 further awards to hand out. If I gave those to myself too then I’d have a hunderd and twenty five awards. And if I repeated the process I’d get six hundred and twenty five, then three thousand one hundred and twenty five, then fifteen thousand six hundred and twenty five.

By my calculations, after thirty two award giving cycles I would own the entire internet. Tremble puny mortals beneath my might.

But I am a benign god, and so I shall forsake this opportunity to take over the world and instead show my magnanimity to the less fortunate. I therefore present the following people with an award.

• Sam from Rabbit Confused with Raisins – Because he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. And he happens to have a rather good blog too.
• Rol from Sunset over Slawit – Because the very prospect of receiving something called a Kick Ass Blogger Award will probably make him physically nauseous.
• Lee from Quit Your Day Job – Because everyone needs an antipodean pop culture guru.
• Dan from Cafe Leone – Because he’s going through a bad time at the moment and us Dans have to stick together (you hear that Daddy Dan? You’re part of the fraternity now)
• Jo from Jo Beaufoix – Because she’s a damn good writer, even if I can’t pronounce her surname.

Use your new found awards wisely.

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