My grandparents used to live near a ford across a river, and every time we went down to visit them I used to beg my dad to drive through it. There was just something about deliberately driving through a river that really excited me. I imagined dramatic sprays of water sandwiching the car and the hushed awe of onlookers as they witnessed the bravery and dare-devilment of our Dukes of Hazzard like actions
Ninety nine percent of the time however my dad refused. He said the river was too swollen, we didn’t have time, he didn’t want to risk flooding the engine. All petty meaningless excuses in my eyes.
I swore to myself that when I was a grown up I would never pass up such an opportunity. That whenever I came across a ford I would drive through it at full speed with all my windows down. Preferably in a car painted to look like knightrider. In short, that I would be a god amongst men.
Two years ago I came close to realizing my ambition. Kerry, Amy and I were on holiday in Northumberland and we randomly stumbled across a ford while on a walk. I begged and pleaded Kerry to allow me to go and get the car and drive through it, but she refused. Those age old reasons of the swollen state of the river and the risk of flooding the engine thwarted my dreams once again.
Amy and I did get to walk through it though, but somehow it wasn’t the same.
Fast forward to this Thursday. I was driving round the Yorkshire Dales scouting out the accommodation for the upcoming walk. I was trundling along quite happily when suddenly I rounded a corner and saw the road ahead disappear into a river, only to emerge glisteningly wet and triumphant on the other side. At last! My holy grail! A ford!
What’s more I was alone. There was no one around to spoil my fun. No one point out that last weekend England received as much rainfall last weekend as we usually do in the entire month. No one to remind me that only one hour ago I had walked along the bank of a river that looked like this:
This was my golden chance. My opportunity to fulfill my life’s ambition. And I grasped it with both hands. Ignoring my sat-nav’s persistent voice instructing me to “Turn around when possible” I confidently drove into the water.
All was going well until half way through when my wheels started spinning. As if this wasn’t alarming enough the car began slowly sliding downstream. I tried to recall if being swept away by a river had ever been covered in my driving lessons, but all I could remember was rules about not honking your horn after ten pm. Hardly pertinent as it was only half past two.
Eventually I remembered some advice about driving on ice and started to put my foot slowly on and off the accelerator in order to try and get some grip. This seemed to do the job and, despite the back end of my car slowly swinging out to point downstream, I managed to gain some purchase and slowly drag the car towards the other side.
All in all the whole experience was rather unsettling, and not one I am particularly eager to repeat. So now, at some unspecified point in the future, when Amy and Evan are both imploring me to drive through a ford I can see myself refusing; citing concerns about the swollen nature of the river and the possibility of flooding the engine. I will betray the 10 year old me and the eternal circle will be once more be complete.
I’m still going to park at the very top of multistory car-parks however, even if it does mean I have to walk much further. There are some childhood promises you make to yourself that are just too sacred to break.
Wow, scary. I would’ve panicked and jumped out of the car. Let insurance buy me a new one. And I would’ve told them, “My iTouch was in there!!!”
There was serious flooding in underpasses every rainy season in Tucson, and without fail there was always some idiot on the daily news having to be lifted out of their car. I’m just saying.
Whits last blog post..Discover Me!
That was exciting. I never pass up a chance to drive through a puddle, the bigger the better, the bigger the rooster tail the better. I would have driven through the water too.
Tara R.s last blog post..It’s me, is that you?
My kids scream from the back of the van every time they see a puddle, begging me to race through it. I oblige when I can.
A river–now that’s just nuts!
I wonder if your father had the same experience which led to his lack of willingness to entertain the 10 year old Dan?
Chucks last blog post..Par for the course
You did it anyway and persevered! That is what a good story is made of. Sometimes you will come out smelling like sh*t though, so be prepared.
Jamess last blog post..Santa, I Hardly Missed Ya
did whit just slyly call you an idiot?
I think you should have let the river take you wherever it was going. Might have been a grand adventure.
Avitables last blog post..Trollbusters
There’s a small ford in Brighouse, just after the police station. I’ve been through it a few times and it’s quite safe… even for a wuss like you! ;-)
Rols last blog post..To Con Or Not To Con…?
I was about to say something nice and supportive but Rol’s comment just cracked me up! (I must stop arriving here after he does!)
I think this is what we call “growing up and turning into our parents”. I’m hoping to find a cure - I’ll let you know when I have ;o)
Penelopes last blog post..The cat and the mouse.
I’m getting visions of Long Way Round and the like and you going along with Ewan and Charlie…
Long Way to the Riverbank and Back Again?
You are becoming, dare I say it, sensible.
Becs last blog post..I’m Not Saying Today Sucked…
Phil – Now why didn’t I think of it.
Whit – I once tried to drive up a very steep hill with about 4 inches of snow on it. I’m just saying.
Tara R – Puddles are always better to drive through if you can splash a pedestrian while doing it.
Ed – It’s part of the job description
Chuck – As I say, it’s the circle of life
James – I think that was Edmond Hillary’s motto too
Bon Bon – You know what, I think he did
Avitable – It could have taken me to Narnia!
Rol – Right, that’s it. You and me outside the co-op at mid day tomorrow.
Penelope – Don’t take his side!
Bec – Sensible? You are talking about a man who is overweight and unfit and planning on walking 78 miles in ten days time.
What a terrible typo! I didn’t mean sensible, I meant crazy. I’ll practice typing that now. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.
Becs last blog post..I’m Not Saying Today Sucked…
Bec - Crazy like a Fox!
(I used to love that show!)
Dans last blog post..The Dales Walk
Eek! You are far far braver than I am. I would have been quite happy to walk through the creek. But if we get that Knight Rider technology that makes the car come when it’s called, I’m in.
Nats last blog post..B-A-N-A-N-A-S
I would have done exactly the same thing.
And I think the walk is 84 miles, not 78. According to every website and map I’ve seen, at least… Eighty Four.
My dad wouldn’t go through fords either unless it was the only way but he was a policeman and very sensible when out on the road.
There is a bus stop on the route to school that often has a huge puddle beside it. Oh how I have wanted to drive through and drench everyone - but I just can’t! Even the kids try to make me do it.
I guess I’m just a really, really nice person.
Gails last blog post..Dan’s doing the Dales
I was outside the Co-op at midday and you never showed up…
Oh, did you mean Slawit time?
Rols last blog post..Hay Fever
Nat - If I had a knightrider car I think I would have just turbo-boosted right over it come to think of it.
Oli - Depends which book you buy, the one I had was pretty insistent that the 84 estimate was wrong.
Gail - You should do, splashing people by driving through puddles is one of the privileges of having a car.
Rol - Were you that strange hunchbacked looking creature? You look a lot different on your photos on your blog!
The wonders of Photoshop!
(Then again, you get beaten up in Slawit if you DON’T have a hunchback.)
Rols last blog post..Plugarama