There are now twenty seven days left until we set off on our walk. Twenty seven days. That’s about 648 hours, or 38,880 minutes. Hey, that doesn’t sound quite so close now. Maybe breaking it down even further will make me feel better.
2,332,800 seconds.
23,328,000,000,000,000,000 nanoseconds.
OK, maybe that’s taking things too far.
But no matter what spin I try and put on it, I think it’s pretty fair to say that the walk is officially “Not Long Now”.
Am I ready? Am I a lean mean walking machine? Am I bollocks. But as someone at work pointed out the other day, if I’m not ready now I’ll probably never be. I might as well resign myself to the fact that I’ll be doing some serious aching in the not too distant future.
I can hear Sandip tutting at that statement from here, but in my defense I’m not really all that bad. I can do seven or eight miles in a morning, then go do nine hours at work in the afternoon, and not feel stiff the next day. So I’m hoping that the extra effort of doing another eight miles on top of that isn’t going to take it’s toll too badly. And anyway, walking is pretty easy. It’s just a case of putting one foot in front on another right? Right?
Come on, back me up here.
I had the day off yesterday and so had the opportunity to get some serious walking done. Of course I didn’t take the opportunity; I went to the cafe for a full English breakfast and lay around the house in my underpants all day instead. Of course I didn’t want to do those things, I wanted to be out in the pouring rain tramping though muddy fields for hours. Unfortunately I have a reputation as a slovenly oaf to maintain. It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.
I did manage to haul my carcass off the couch long enough to go down to the hiking shop however. Inspired by Oli’s recent post over at the Dales Walk blog I decided I needed to get a new backpack. One with an airspace back mesh network, compatible hydration system, and side compression straps. No, I have no idea what all that stuff is either, but it sounds impressive and that’s the important thing.
The shop had a wide range of backpacks, and I think I tried on every single one of them at least twice before I made my decision. Rather upsettingly the ones that felt most comfortable to me were all designed for use by women. It must be my petite feminine figure I suppose. But comfy or not, there is no way I’m wearing the Ladyhiker 2000 out in public, especially not in front of the buggers I’m doing this hike with. It’s bad enough that my walking boots were made by the Smallpenis Corporation and my waterproof jacket by Chronicflatulence Inc.
However, after a bit of strap adjustment and buckle loosening I managed to find a man’s backpack I was happy with. So I am now the proud owner of a Karrimor Airspace 30, complete with mesh stash pockets and walking pole attachment points. Pretty damn nifty I’m sure you will agree.
I also got a new walking stick with a more comfortable handle, a waterproof liner for the backpack, and a Camelbak omega hydrotanium reservoir (read water bottle with a straw).
But the crowning glory was my purchase of a bandanna type thing to keep the sun from my scalp and the sweat from my eyes. But now I have a terrible dilemma, do I go with this new headgear or stick with my tried and tested walking hat? The problem is too great a conundrum for me to solve on my own, so I’m appealing for your help. I have taken some photos of me in full walking getup (including backpack and water bottle straw thing) in order that you can come to an informed decision. Remember, my self respect and dignity could ride on your decision.
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In July of this year I shall be walking 78 miles in 6 days in aid of the Joseph Salmon Trust, a charity founded by my close friends in memorial to their son Joseph who died aged 3 in April of 2005. Please look here for further details and consider sponsoring me. Thank you.
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The hat and bandana are both fine. It’s the face that bothers me…
I’ve been away for the week, and although we didn’t do as much walking as I’d intended (trekking through mud in the pouring rain and force 7 winds doesn’t seem as appealing as staying in a tent with chocolate biscuits), we did manage a 4.5mile trek with backpacks laden to the brim (complete with Platypus hyrdration systems). And yes, I ached the following day.
27 days. Blimey.
May I suggest a combo?
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The Harrison Ford does it for me. #2 isn’t bad. #3 kinda scares me. I keep wondering where the other end of that tube is attached.
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Hmmmm… I like the hat. Not a big fan of the mandana.
With the hat, you look like a jovial professor out for a leisurely stroll. In the other pics, you look like a biker gang muscle dude who would love dearly to beat up my grandmother.
Have you thought about a bright pink wig? It might come in handy if you collapse in exhaustion and rescue workers need to locate your body.
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In my experience two types of bald head / sun protectors are required. When one gets too sweaty, tie it to the back of your bag to dry out.
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Bruce would wind up with a scorched scalp.
Some combo of Indy and Vin will get the job done.
-I had intended on doing a take off of Two Hearts (by Springsteen) for Two Hats, but 1. it’s not really two hats, but a hat and a bandanna and 2. I’m not as clever as I’d like to be.
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The facial expression on the Bruce Springsteen is all rather scary no? Anyhoo, I’d go with the Harrison Ford personally.
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Go for the hate it’ll shade your face — might want to wear the bandanna under the had to absorb the head sweat.
You’re going to wear a backpack and a Camelback?
Bring Body Glide or vasoline. Apply is before you leave… you know… chafing.
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You can totally pull off the Harrison Ford look. Totally.
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I thought Englishmen wore bowlers.
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Gotta go with The Boss, dude.
Gosh! Ummm wow! What a choice! You do look rather alarming in that last shot!
I vote for 2 and 1. The bandanna can catch sweat (ewwwww) and the hat can keep the blistering sun off your face – what? No blistering sun?
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For the full Van Diesel, you’ll need to shave your head – top and bottom. Get back to me when you have.
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Then again, if you did go with the Van Diesel, you wouldn’t have to walk as far… but fuel prices being what they are etc. etc.
Oli – Ached after 4.5 miles? We’re all going to die aren’t we.
Whit – Put the bandanna on top of the hat? But that will just look strange.
Imperceptible – I’m not sure, but it don’t taste like chocolate milk to me.
Phil – Your grandmother has it coming.
VegasDad – A bright pink wig would clash with Oli’s flaming red beard.
Sam – The problem is that the hat isn’t all that easy to carry if you aren’t wearing it. plus the amount I sweat I’ll need about thirty different hats.
PG – A combination of Indy and mr Desiel eh? Hang on a minute, that’s Vinni Jones!
Kevin Spencer – The attraction of the Indy hat is that if it falls off when I’m going through a door I can snatch it off the floor before the door closes a la Raiders of the lost Ark.
Nat – The Camelbak isn’t a rucksack like one that runners use, it’s just the watersack bit you can put in your backpack. And thanks for the tip on Body Glide.
The Chick – Think I’d get away with a whip too?
Ed – No, top hats usually.
Jonathon – It’s solely tempting. I think the 80′s are due another revival and I might be the one to spark it off.
Penelope – Or the hat could keep off the rain which is probably more likely.
Rol – Shave my bottom? How dare you sir!
It’s not red, it’s orange.
And yes, we’re all going to die.
the 3rd one looks more Rambo to me.
But what I really miss is a combination photo.
The bandana AND the hat. Be sure to keep that maniacal look in your eyes, it helps scare the ground you walk on.
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Camel bak, schmammmel bak – i had an idea a while back to produce such a device, using only natural material. I was gonna call it the Camel Sac, and use the scrotum of camels to form the actual water pouch.
Oli – I bet I die first, closely followed by Lee.
Arjan – How do you know I didn’t have the bandana on under the hat eh?
Sandip – I was going to raise doubts about a camel’s scrotum being big enough to hold any significant amount of water. But as you are the world authority on Camel reproductive organs I shall bow to your judgement.
The hat. Have mercy on the rest of the planet, for heaven’s sake. Even Brooce has dropped the bandanna.
I think you should ditch both and go for one of those hats that you can fit beer cans to. Or you could modify your existing walking jobbie with a straw and some elastic bands. One stone and so many birds.
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Bruce Springsteen looks like he needs to poop.
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I’d go walking if they made decent walking clothes and equipment in black…….possibly.
Think Indy hat is the best but I’d invest in some sun cream and some kind of lip salve too.
hehehehehehe
the hat and the bandana is probably the best but the dentists sucky thing is a bit disturbing.
(un)relaxeddad – Really? Doesn’t that mean he lost his powers like Samson?
SingleParentDad – It’s certainly an intriguing idea
Avitable – And when he does it’ll be like thunder road.
Morticia – They make plenty of walking gear in black. Oh, wait, that’s undertakers clothes, my mistake.
Jane – Disturbing, but it means I’m carrying three litres of
beerwater around with me and don’t have to take my rucksack off to get at it.Dan’s last blog post..Hats what I’m talking about
Cue 3 celebrity lawsuits landing on Mr Dan’s doormat…
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There’s only one hat for an englishman to wear in open countryside – the panama, I have one for our jaunts to spain, but its been in the garage for over a year and its mouldy now – it may wash however.
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Gary – Now a panama would be rather stylish it’s true. I might have to look into that.
You need it all. Be prepared for anything. Besides, you can hide extra candy in the hat.
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Is this trek going to resemble something from an episode of ‘Last of the Summer Wine’? Seems you are spending a lot of time on your appearance. I go for indie – or a’Compo’ hat!
So do you need me to rustle up some cheerleaders en route?
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James – I don’t think I’ll be hiding any chocolate in my hat though. Melted chocolate isn’t the best shampoo in the world.
Gail – I grew up in Holmfirth, the setting for last of the summer wine, so the look might be appropriate.
Mind you, I look like Compo 99% of the time anyway, so maybe i should go for a change.
You’d look handsome in any headgear. The other guys are jealous.
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Jen – Awww, shucks