An open letter to the USA
on Apr 13 in General by DanI’m not usually a man who likes to mock the chronically foreign, and far be it for me to pore scorn on an entire nation because they decide to have rounders as a national sport. But what the hell is it with baseball? Specifically baseball on the Nintendo Wii.
I’ve been playing the game for about a week now, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is completely impossible to hit the ball in any way that does not result either being caught out or given a foul. The other games in the sports package I can do; bowling, boxing, and golf I have no problem with at all. I’ve even gone against all my principles and had a couple of games of tennis. But bloody baseball? Well, I think the handset must have some sort inbuilt Englishman detector which precludes me from scoring any points or something.
Listen I’m sorry we didn’t RSVP to your Boston tea party, or whatever it was that annoyed you chaps back then. But we were very busy running a great and glorious British Empire at the time. Waging unnecessary foreign wars and leaving a legacies of unstable political systems and anti-western sentiment can be very time consuming and distracting. Surely you of all people can understand this.
So lets make up. You let us score points at Wii baseball and we’ll teach you the rules of cricket. It seems like a fair swop to me.
Now, do any English readers actually know the rules to cricket?
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I agree! And they call football saaaaaker, and spell tyre with an i. It’ll all end in tears, mark my words.
Penny Morris’s last blog post..Miss Wayne County
This situation has absolutely nothing to do with you, Mr. Hughes. NO ONE can hit that damn ball in Wii baseball.
And even if someone could, your prize for telling the secret is sadly lacking. We all know that Wii will never put cricket in their sports package. Any “sport” where people wear formal clothing that doesn’t get diry or sweaty is obviously not worth learning about.
You have to be Dominican to hit a baseball consistently, actually.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..The Review That Gets Me On The PR Blacklist
Dominican? you mean, like a monk?
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Rolling out the ‘grote kannonen’
I don’t have a Wii but I did play a little bit at a friend’s house not too long ago. I was able to hit the ball a few times. Perhaps my friend had it on an easy setting. Or you’re swinging like you’re playing cricket.
I’ll bet cricket would be extremely popular on the Wii (except here in the USA, and probably the rest of North America, and South America as well).
Rules for cricket? Probably as easy to explain as Australian Rules Football or Rugby. And just as boring as Baseball.
Dwayne’s last blog post..No more THUNDERSNOW!!
I can only play tennis and bowling on the wii.
Arjan’s last blog post..Braaaaaaaaaaaains!
Baseball’s easy. It’s all about the speed of the flick of your wrist, and you need to make sure you hold the bat up over your shoulder.
Avitable’s last blog post..Lazy Sunday XXXV
I did Ok with mine – but I was in the school rounders team for 4 years – maybe that’s why?
Cricket Rules?
1. Wait for a warm sunny day
2. Pack up a nice picnic and include a few beers, pork pies and cheese & onion crisps.
3. Load up with Suncream – if you can find any.
4. Roll out the tartan rug (‘plaid’ to them foreign folk)
5. Lie on the grass, watch the cricket and have a snooze when it all gets too much!
Gail’s last blog post..It’s Always an Adventure.
Snort. That’s funny. And can I ask, with the wii, do you have to be any good at sport in real life? ‘Cos we’re going to get one, but I can’t hit a ball in tennis, rounders, cricket, ping pong, baseball, soft ball, snooker, pool etc in real life. Will the wii let me think I’ve actually hit something? Otherwise I may just have to get the ‘cooking mama’ thing instead. I mean, at least I can cook. Sort of…
Jo Beaufoix’s last blog post..Hair today, and tomorrow, and the next day
Penny – I’ve given in to American spelling. It’s just too much effort to go against my computer’s spell checker.
Deb – I can hit it, it just never counts because it’s always either a foul or caught out.
Miss Britt – I’m assuming that was a insightful, witty, and cutting comment on the state of baseball today. unfortunatly it’s gone right over my head.
Xbox4NappyRash – Haven’t you seen bulletproof monk? Those guys can do anything.
Dwayne – I think it is down to the swing actually, but I’m probably doing it more like golf than cricket.
Arjan – Tennis is probably my favorite, but for reasons that I will probably go into at some point in the future you aren’t allowed to let my mother or sister know that.
Avitable – i have heard that you are a master of the wrist action.
Gail – I never liked rounders. The ball hurt when it hit you on the head.
Jo – I’m cack at sport and I’m also cack at the Wii. I have no idea if it’s a correlation or if i’m just cack at everything.
You’re just cack at everything.
Sam’s last blog post..Waiting….
Cricket?
I’ve only heard a cricket!
You mean it’s some type of game??
Hummmm…
I guess I will have to read up on that.
Right after I wash the car.
:)
Jeff S’s last blog post..New Bathroom?
The secret to hitting the baseball is to get pumped up on steroids. At least that’s how it works in real life.
Baseball… The Game of Summer. A wonder way to spend an afternoon, or evening.
Wonderful game – and the rules, oddly enough, are as arcane as they are in cricket! Which was popular in the US right up to the 1920′s – but baseball became the national sport after that. (Although you can still see some teams, especially in LA, and Northern New Jersey, Staten Island, NY, and so on)
If you need a wii, the bathroom is that way. :-) (Sorry, couldn’t resist, although I probably should have…)
Carolyn Ann
I know virtually nothing about baseball, and less about cricket (except that my brother sometimes calls me Cricket as a nickname). BUT I still have two comments to add to this post:
1) I read “pore scorn” as “score p0rn”; and
2) I actually snorted when I read the political commentary in paragraph 3.
Kristina’s last blog post..Riding that endorphin high
laughed out loud: “Englishman detector”
Oh wow I just realised that I’ve been to more baseball games (2) than cricket matches (0). Call myself a Brit? Pfffft!
I don’t have a clue about Wiis or rules for cricket but, despite my hating footie, I can actually explain the offside rule, using only cigarette packets and glasses of wine as props. I know, you’re impressed, I can tell ;o)
Penelope’s last blog post..Sunday Stuff.
The only differences between baseball & cricket is the states just made the ball larger and the stick round, right?
You are right, I have absolutely no idea the differences, nevermind the rules.
Above Average Joe’s last blog post..Forcing My Hand
Quote: Waging unnecessary foreign wars and leaving a legacies of unstable political systems and anti-western sentiment can be very time consuming and distracting. Surely you of all people can understand this.
Oh, yes. We get that big time now! I am neither a wii owner nor a baseball fan, so I think I’m going to have to surrender my American citizenship anyway. I’ll be pleased to learn about cricket if you can give me SoCal weather in return.
April’s last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up
Sam – In that case you’ll be wanting to redesign your own blog then.
Jeff S – I’ve only heard rumours about the game. Apparently i was involved playing it at school. All i remember is just attempting to avoid the very hard ball that kept coming towards me.
Phil – I shall go out and buy a multipack imediately
Carolyn Ann – You are forgiven the Wii joke. Sometimes it’s just too difficult to avoid taking the piss.
Kristina – I was a little worried about that political gag, but I couldn’t resist it. When it comes down to it our country is in this shit as deep as yours is.
Subversive Love – They test for tea in the bloodstream apparently.
Penelope – I think i understand offside, but certainly wouldn’t pick it as a specialist subject on mastermind.
Above Average Joe – I think so, and you guys seem to run around in a circle.
April – You give us SoCal weather and you can have cricket for free. We’ll even throw in Rugby as a sweetener.
Although I don’t know the origin, this description of cricket was given to me by a real Englishman a while back. I’m sure it’s made the rounds, but I still get a kick out of it…
“You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.
When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.
When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.”
I wonder why cricket wasn’t on Wii, oh yeah, cause its a lame sport. Baseball on the Wii…swing evenly when ball reaches the plate–period. LOL! No hard feelings mate, my ancestors had nothing to do with the revolution so don’t lump me in with your history lesson. :)
Took me a while to hit the baseball, but I’ve gotten pretty good at it now. I did the training mode at first so I could get a feel for it.
Cricket…hell, I lived in England for 3 years and never COULD figure out that bloody game. Even more boring than baseball.
Karl’s last blog post..Little Boy Blue, Come Blow Your Horn