Guest Post Tuesday: Avitable

on Apr 08 in Uncategorized by

Here Avitable manages to dance precariously on the line between what I am and am not willing to publish on my blog. Which is exactly why I asked him to write a guest post. It’s good to test your boundaries now and again.

And anyway, dancing is what Avitables do best.

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tnWhen Dan asked me to guest post, I agreed immediately without considering the consequences.  What consequences, you might ask?  Well, here he is, in a foreign country, with a mainly foreign audience, and I’m just some ignorant American who only speaks English.  I don’t even speak his native language – how can I possibly create a post that will communicate any type of coherent message to his readers?

After some research, I found a translation dictionary that allowed me to quickly flip between my native language and his, and without this dictionary’s assistance, my post would have been incomprehensible to most of you.

So here goes:

I was bladdered and buggering this slapper in her ricker when she decided to drop a biggie all over my todger.  “Cor Blimey!  That’s beastly!” I shouted, brassed off.  I took a butcher’s at my willy and goolies and was gobsmacked.  Cheesed off, even.  I’d really dropped a clanger here.  This was supposed to be an easy peasy rogering and turned into a total cock up instead.  Totally pear shaped.

I used my Alans and almonds to wipe off the hames and decided to go get even more rat arsed.  Starkers, I started walking down the street when some wanker got me wound up by asking why I have a strop on.  I said, “Sod off, prat!” and nutted him.

Four of his nancy boy chums joined him, so I legged it.  This was not a time for a chin wag with stonking blokes who looked narked. 

On my moby, I rang for a Bobby but apparently they couldn’t be arsed to help.  This was when I really botched it.  I jacked in mid-run and turned to face the pillocks.  “Are you a bunch of muscle Marys who sit around doing each other’s Freds and playing with each other’s Marquis?”

Then those scunts gave me a seeing to until I was Brown Bread. 

Let this be a lesson to you.  Never shag a tart in the bum when she’s got the blaps or you’ll end up hovis.

Related posts:

  1. Guest Post Tuesday: Becky
  2. Guest Post Tuesday: Bon Bon
  3. Guest Post Tuesday: Rol
  4. Guest Post Tuesday: Lee
  5. Guest Post Tuesday: Neil and Rachael

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