Did you know that other than human beings, guinea pigs are the only creature in the animal kingdom that are unable to synthesize vitamin C in their own bodies? And did you know that potatoes are deadly poisonous to a guinea pig?
Well I do.
And do you know why I know all these exciting guinea pig facts? Because I am now a proud and responsible guinea pig owner, that’s why.
There is a secret to persuading reluctant spouses to allow you to buy livestock. All you have to do is wait until they are in important business meetings and then bombard them with begging SMS messages on their work mobiles. It’s a little known fact, but that’s precisely how Siegfried persuaded Roy to let him get an albino tiger. Kerry should count herself lucky.
But what’s better than one guinea pig?
Two guinea pigs!
And what’s better than two guinea pigs?
One guinea pig and one pregnant guinea pig! Huzzah!
Yes, soon we will be hearing the pitter patter of little guinea trotters. There were only two females left in the shop, and one of them was up the duff (the store policy of caging both males and females in the same enclosure may be a little unwise in my view). It’s not fair to keep just one on it’s own so I bought both.
Of course I could have just left without buying either of them. But I had the kids with me and Amy would have been heartbroken. Anyway, we raised a litter of guinea piglets back when I was a child and I remember them being simply adorable. They are born with all their fur you know. Plus the pet shop told me I could just bring the offspring back to them when they were about six weeks old and they would take them off my hands. A plan with no drawbacks.
I’m not sure when Max (for that is her name) is due to give birth. But I have a stack of clean towels and some hot water on permanent standby just in case. We already have the birth plan all figured out: we’re hoping for a home delivery, but are open to the possibility of medical intervention if required. The father won’t be present so we’re going to have Evan cut the cord. We’re also currently in talks for Americanmum to act as Doula, but the negotiations have hit a stumbling block due to Max only being willing to pay in sunflower seeds (although to be fair I think you get twelve seeds to the dollar these days).
I haven’t subjected the poor creatures to a photo shoot yet as they have had more than enough to contend with today. What with Evan constantly harassing them shouting “WOOF WOOF!!” and Amy sticking lettuce leafs in their eyes I’m sure they already think themselves in some sort of obscure circle of Dante’s inferno.
I should have some photos tomorrow though.
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In July of this year I shall be walking 78 miles in 6 days in aid of the Joseph Salmon Trust, a charity founded by my close friends in memorial to their son Joseph who died aged 3 in April of 2005. Please look here for further details and consider sponsoring me. Thank you.
And, here I thought you were going to say that you are now the proud owner of my nine year old daughter. Because she, and her book of useless knowledge tells me stuff like this all the time. Not to say that all of YOUR knowledge is useless. Just the vitamin C info for us non-guinea pig owners.
May I redeem myself by saying that they sound like the luckiest guinea pigs to ever find themselves a home?
Dude, you’ve gotta make this work. S=If only so I can convince my wife that I am responsible enough, er I mean Zoe is responsible enough to take care of a guinnea pig.
Ed (zoesdad)’s last blog post..They Have a Pact with the Devil
Guinea Pig 1 - “Why are you always smiling?”
Guinea Pig 2 - “‘Cos I’m a grinny pig”
Ok, ok, I’ll get my coat!
One of my niece’s had two guinea pigs, Harry and Ron, and they were lovely, but sadly no longer with us.
Momo Fali - Such useless facts will stand your nine year old in good stead if she ever decides to move to England and participate in pub quizzes.
Ed - send me your wife’s email address. i’ll work on her for you.
Helen - You mean… guinea pigs aren’t immortal? Oh great, tell me now Helen!
You are seriously warped, my friend. A dog? A cat? Can’t you go with something normal? Why a pregnant guinea pig? Is “up the duff” a brit term for pregnant? Americanmum; that is fricken’ hilarious. I love the Brits.
Absurdist’s last blog post..Respect me, you muthafuckas
Payment in sunflower seeds is great…just don’t pass off one of the litter on to me :)
Mostly with animals, give them a quiet place and don’t disrupt them and they’ll be fine…should I offer up my copy of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth? Actually I think there is a lot of info that might translate into the rodent-world.
If you haven’t seen this, here’s a website that might help you be a guinea midwife (who knew female Guineas were called “sows”?!): http://www.aracnet.com/~seagull/Guineas/breeding.html#Birth
Um. I am officially a birth nut. Even with Guinea pigs, apparently. I just didn’t know how bad I’d gotten until now.
Kristina’s last blog post..Natural dye Easter eggs
Remember - keep them away from the electric cables!
Sam’s last blog post..Lying and Stealing
Whats worse then one Guinea Pig..Two Guinea Pigs… What’s worse then that? MANY guinea pigs… You might have to start selling GP’s to make some extra income…Then have an infomercial… “Raising Guinea Pigs, The New Cattle” :-)
Doing a little Blog Hopping Early while Bouncing a Cranky Baby…
D’oh
That last one was from me…
I want Dan to be MY Dad.
although he has now worried me about my vitamin C intake.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Brace Yourself
My next door neighbours small daughter had her birthday two weeks ago, she wanted two guinea pigs, he started building the cage from scratch with real wood sometime just after christmas - he is a self confessed perfectionist.
The cage was ready for the arrivals on the birthday-day but now he is building a run for them and is making the cage a sort of penthouse apartment with stairs down into the run and possibly a guinea pig doorman and another entrance round the back for the tradesmen to deliver vegetables and such other good guinea pig food, he tells me that the run may well be ready before the winter draws in.
I haven’t seen the guinea pigs yet, they are living inside their house (the real, people-house I mean) because his daughter says its too cold for them outside, if they let them loose in their garden this year I may see if Jake wants to go and say hello, yum, yum, gnash and gulp.
Gary’s last blog post..York Castle Museum
Absurdist - A Guinea pig is pretty mainstream I would have thought, certainly in the UK. Up the duff is indeed a euphemism for pregnant.
Kristina - I think you might have a problem.
Sam - Now is that a reference to your pet killing prowess or mine?
A Man among Momnmies - I could start some sort of fur farm
Xbox4NappyRash - CLEAN YOUR ROOM!
Gary - My dad made us a custom made guinea pig run in my childhood. It had a dividing wall to keep the male Guinea pigs from the females. The fact that we had two litters of guinea piglets is testimony to their escapology skills.
Dan, you won’t need a Doula, honest, we had guinea pigs when I was a kid and they just pop em out. Once they did it while we were having”our tea. Every so often one of my brothers would look up and go, ‘oh, there’s another.’ It was lovely???