Evenings in our household usually see me at the computer table and Kerry watching the TV. Some might see it as a pretty antisocial way of spending our time together, but it works well for us and that’s the main thing. I have a big, and rather expensive pair of headphones that I use to drown out the television. It’s true I look like a bit of a pillock when I have them on, but without them my subconscious would suck up and spit out random quotes from whatever TV show Kerry’s watching into my posts. My prose is mangled enough without throwing painful pseudo scientific exposition from CSI: Milwaukee into the mix.
Kerry actually has pretty good taste in TV. Many a time I have sat down at the computer intending to compose an insightful post on my top ten favorite socks but have become distracted by whatever she is watching instead. This wouldn’t be a problem except I frequently work evenings and so am never able to keep up to date. This means when my interest is captured I never know what’s going on. A prime offender for this is the show Men in Trees (a sort of Northern Exposure but a bit more girly and with 80% less quirk). “Who’s she?” I ask, “Who’s he?”, “Why aren’t they together any more?”, “What is the collective noun for moose?”. I am also compelled to make the same old joke over and over again (”Where’s this show set?”. “Alaska”. “No, it’s OK, I’ll ask her myself”). Even more irritatingly I then follow it up with the other classic place name gag (”My wife’s gone to the Caribbean”. “Jamaica?”. “No, she went on her own accord”).
How I am not divorced I will never know.
Tonight however Kerry’s choice of TV has got me distracted for another reason. She is watching Project Catwalk (the UK version of the US show Project Runway). I’m pretty sure she generally tries to watch the show when I’m not around, as my frequent grunts of anger and disbelief at it must be very off-putting. My main issue with the program is the presenter. The American version is hosted by Heidi Klum, a German supermodel with years of experience in the fashion industry. The British one however has Kelly bloody Osborne, the internationally famous talentless waste of skin and blubber.
I do feel sorry for the woman. She’s no doubt had a pretty horrendous childhood by most people’s standards. And with the exposure she’s had it’s not like she could ever go and get a job at Macdonalds. But she really needs to find something to do other than presenting, she’s just dreadful.
In this evening’s show she was giving all the contestant’s a pep talk and started outlining how she thought they could raise their game. The contestants were all smiles and sincere nods, but you could see the repressed rage behind their eyes. Each and every one of them was battling with an overwhelming urge to leap out of their chair and punch her in the throat. And let me tell you, there wouldn’t be a jury in the land that would convict them. Who the hell is she to tell these obviously talented and driven people how to practice their art? The only genuine piece of advice she could ever give would be “Try to have someone famous for your dad”.
Ooo she makes me mad.
Still, at least I got a blog post out of it. That’s never a bad thing.
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 2:38 am
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Rattling the Kettle’s last blog post..Ignore the man behind the curtain
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 10:58 am
“In Dorset?”
“Yes, I’d recommend it to anyone”.
And if you don’t find that funny, you’d better get starting on those top ten socks.
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Jeff’s last blog post..A rude awakening
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Mica Paris dresses like someone fleeing a burning circus tent.
(Yes, yes, insert obvious fashion show viewing in relation to waining male prowess here. Gits.)
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Number Crunching
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
haven’t watched catwalk – not my bag, but know what you mean about Kelly Osbourne.
Gail’s last blog post..One more twitter and you’re dead!
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
hehe.
Arjan’s last blog post..Inquisitorial Icon
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on Mar 14th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Bec’s last blog post..Idiot
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on Mar 16th, 2008 at 5:01 am
una+
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on Feb 27th, 2010 at 7:17 am
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