Evenings in our household usually see me at the computer table and Kerry watching the TV. Some might see it as a pretty antisocial way of spending our time together, but it works well for us and that’s the main thing. I have a big, and rather expensive pair of headphones that I use to drown out the television. It’s true I look like a bit of a pillock when I have them on, but without them my subconscious would suck up and spit out random quotes from whatever TV show Kerry’s watching into my posts. My prose is mangled enough without throwing painful pseudo scientific exposition from CSI: Milwaukee into the mix.
Kerry actually has pretty good taste in TV. Many a time I have sat down at the computer intending to compose an insightful post on my top ten favorite socks but have become distracted by whatever she is watching instead. This wouldn’t be a problem except I frequently work evenings and so am never able to keep up to date. This means when my interest is captured I never know what’s going on. A prime offender for this is the show Men in Trees (a sort of Northern Exposure but a bit more girly and with 80% less quirk). “Who’s she?” I ask, “Who’s he?”, “Why aren’t they together any more?”, “What is the collective noun for moose?”. I am also compelled to make the same old joke over and over again (”Where’s this show set?”. “Alaska”. “No, it’s OK, I’ll ask her myself”). Even more irritatingly I then follow it up with the other classic place name gag (”My wife’s gone to the Caribbean”. “Jamaica?”. “No, she went on her own accord”).
How I am not divorced I will never know.
Tonight however Kerry’s choice of TV has got me distracted for another reason. She is watching Project Catwalk (the UK version of the US show Project Runway). I’m pretty sure she generally tries to watch the show when I’m not around, as my frequent grunts of anger and disbelief at it must be very off-putting. My main issue with the program is the presenter. The American version is hosted by Heidi Klum, a German supermodel with years of experience in the fashion industry. The British one however has Kelly bloody Osborne, the internationally famous talentless waste of skin and blubber.
I do feel sorry for the woman. She’s no doubt had a pretty horrendous childhood by most people’s standards. And with the exposure she’s had it’s not like she could ever go and get a job at Macdonalds. But she really needs to find something to do other than presenting, she’s just dreadful.
In this evening’s show she was giving all the contestant’s a pep talk and started outlining how she thought they could raise their game. The contestants were all smiles and sincere nods, but you could see the repressed rage behind their eyes. Each and every one of them was battling with an overwhelming urge to leap out of their chair and punch her in the throat. And let me tell you, there wouldn’t be a jury in the land that would convict them. Who the hell is she to tell these obviously talented and driven people how to practice their art? The only genuine piece of advice she could ever give would be “Try to have someone famous for your dad”.
Ooo she makes me mad.
Still, at least I got a blog post out of it. That’s never a bad thing.
I guess us Americans are a lucky bunch. Heidi Klum is way hotter than Kelly Osbourne.
I haven’t watched more than 5 hours of television total since the writer’s strike ended. I’d throw the damn thing out if baseball season weren’t just around the corner.
Rattling the Kettle’s last blog post..Ignore the man behind the curtain
“I’ve just come back from a visit to Poole”.
“In Dorset?”
“Yes, I’d recommend it to anyone”.
And if you don’t find that funny, you’d better get starting on those top ten socks.
I was scratching my head on their decision to use her as well. I suppose they could be going with the train wreck theory, although even disasters get tiresome after the first time you see them.
Jeff’s last blog post..A rude awakening
It’s those two ogres on ‘what not to wear’ that bemuse me.
Mica Paris dresses like someone fleeing a burning circus tent.
(Yes, yes, insert obvious fashion show viewing in relation to waining male prowess here. Gits.)
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Number Crunching
Kelly Osbourne?!! That’s just wrong on so many levels, I don’t even know where to start.
Oli - took me a while but got it in the end! he he he.
haven’t watched catwalk - not my bag, but know what you mean about Kelly Osbourne.
Gail’s last blog post..One more twitter and you’re dead!
tv..hmm oh wait that’s that thing at the other end of my room collecting dust. I somehow am able to follow the American tv schedule *looks at the Mininova.org page..hmm which tv series should I check out next*
hehe.
Arjan’s last blog post..Inquisitorial Icon
I do not, have not or ever intend to watch this show… doubly now I’ve found out the Osbourne child is on it. Isn’t this the programme that the infinitely superior Liz Hurley used to present (maybe I should ask Dave)? What happened? Did they run out of money and class?
Bec’s last blog post..Idiot
well, i couldn’t decide if i’d binge on chocolate or xanax or BOTH… for the fifth and final time, i’ve tried to watch UK’s ProjectRunway without blowing up the teevee because ben de lisi, kelly osborne, AND what’s his name macdonald were running me nuts. (tim gunn is just awesome and elizabeth h was pretty and fashionable)… and maybe i’d have hung in there if the UK designers had been any good… so i started reading blogs about project runway and i’ve had a fabulous time in the past fifteen minutes. i absolutely followed your train of thought from headphones to trees to alaska through PR, via family, and a reason to blog. NOW i can save the xanax and the chocolate for another day just trying to survive life without seasons, us baseball (go red sox), and leather in ugliest almirante… thank you soo very much
una+