Amy and I were walking down by the canal the other day when a bike came barrelling towards us down the towpath on an apparent collision course.
“Oh Shit!†said Amy.
It’s an interesting experience hearing your three year old daughter swear. You go through a mixture of emotions: shock, amusement, shame, and strangely enough pride. The thing that impressed me most was that she used it completely appropriately and with the correct intonation and emphasis.
Knowing that if I made a big deal of it she would probably say it all the more I just let it pass. But it raised an interesting question for me: how do I feel about my daughter swearing? I know of parents who let their kids swear like troopers at home. They say that as long as they are able modify their behaviour when out in public they see no problem with it. On the other hand however I know of other people who wash their children’s mouths with soap and water should their children utter the merest “bugger†or “damnâ€. I personally have never had an opinion about this one way or the other, which is the main reason I think I’m having difficulty working out what my stance should be.
Amy does know some things are taboo. Around six months ago she went through a phase when she was calling everything “stupidâ€, particularly other people. We quickly drummed into her that it was very unkind to call people names. She took this so much to heart that she now rigorously polices my own and Kerry’s language. Should either one of us accidentally slip up and let a “stupid†through our lips we get thoroughly told off by an angry three year old.
And when it comes down to it I think she has her priorities right. Saying “shit†might be a little rude and uncouth, but using words in order to belittle others is most certainly worse.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 3:07 am
Clare goes around saying “bugger this” and “bugger that” all the time. I don’t know what to do about it really.
Seriously I think you handled it pretty well. It was cute.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 3:40 am
I think if a 3 year old uses it properly, you should feel proud…
Better than saying oh shit when visiting relatives or another inappropriate time! :)
Bradley
The Egel Nest
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 3:57 am
Well … two of mine are older and say “oh, shit!” rather often. If I call ‘em on it they claim (angel faced) that they’d actually said “shoot!” … maybe I’d be better off dealing with the fibs than bothering with the sailor-speak?
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 4:21 am
Well, at least she didn’t shout “SON OF A BITCH!”
I guess I would probably just explain to her later on that shit isn’t a very proper word and that she should try not to use it again. I mean hey, since she’s talking to you like an adult, you can talk to her like one.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 5:47 am
Can you come over and give our kids the “stupid” lecture? Mine didn’t work.
Oh, and “bugger” is a swear word? I learn something new every day…
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 6:33 am
I don’t really care about language as I’ve always felt that it wasn’t the word but the meaning that mattered. However, I know that most people may not agree and the few times Atticus has let loose a “where the hell is the phone” I’ve made sure he knows that there are nicer ways to say it. Amazingly he doesn’t repeat much.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Ok, but what if I were to call someone a stupid shit? Hypothetically, I mean. Because, of course, I would never do that.
Seriously, though, my 17 year old still clamps her hand over her mouth if she says ‘crap’ in front of me.
My oldest, who is in the Army, has to seriously modify his language around dear old Mom these days. Because, apparently, there is a lot of swearing among soldiers.
And in an astounding feat of hypocrisy, I can say whatever I want.
Because I’m the Mom and I say so. Frequently and profanely.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 10:47 am
During a summer camp with the RAF cadets at school, I developed a few bad habits, and while relaying the week’s stories to my parents I accidentally let slip an “oh bollocks, I can’t be arsed”. Cue much blushing and hushed tones.
I was 16 before I properly swore in front of my parents (I was on a ride at Blackpool Pleasure beach, and the sudden drop caught me by surprise), so I yelled SHIT! at the top of my voice.
I think I was about 17 or 18 before I said the F word.
I tend not to swear much these days, although my recent obsession with Season Three of 24 (with its very British baddie) has encouraged me to proclaim in my best plummy ‘British’ accent, “Oh confound you, you bloody shit”. Works best if all the words are pronounced in the style of Judy Dench’s M, berating Pierce Brosnan’s cheeky Bond. You bloody shit.
With regard to how you might deal with it, I’ve always found that the “I’m not cross, I’m just very disappointed” approach works well, coupled with a reassuring hug a few minutes later does the trick.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
My siblings still won’t swear in front of my parents thanks to the soap introduced to our diets for the slightest indiscretion. And you’ve seen how I turned out.
Let that be a lesson.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
I too have been picked up by Amy for a “verbal slip” and suitably corrected. I can remember Kerry coming in from school (aged 6ish) and relating that so and so said “f***” at school and about how naughty is it was to say “f***” and that you shouldn’t say “f***” should you Mummy, because it’s bad to say “f***” and on it went, we found that pretty funny too but of course didn’t let her see us laughing! The first words I heard Archie speak were several expletives I wouldn’t even know how to spell - but he was being on the receiving end of several electric shocks at the time - but that’s another story.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Um. . . I’m sorry - but you’re really going to have to elaborate on the Archie/electric shock thing.
on Nov 7th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
As you are saying Dan, it is worse for a child to say “You are stupid” than it is for them to say “Shit” when about to crash on their bike. I agree with you.
on Nov 8th, 2007 at 2:18 am
I think as long as Grandma has a sense of humor about it, I would not worry. And even though it’s probably wrong, I think it’s kinda funny when the kidlets swear. I’m a baaad chicken.
on Nov 9th, 2007 at 2:51 am
And when they swear exactly like one parent the other parent gets to look at them and say “I wonder where she gets that from”.
on Nov 9th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
My only concerns with my kids using bad language are 1) using it in the appropriate time and place, and 2) using it creatively.
on Nov 10th, 2007 at 9:09 am
My friend who is in the Army tells a funny story:
He was jogging through Leeds with his squadron in full camouflage (cant spell) gear and passed a couple of eight year old children.
“1,2,1,2″ shouts a little girl to the sergeant
“shouldnt you be in school?” asks the sergeant
“its half pas three you daft c%$t!” replies the little girl
on Nov 15th, 2007 at 6:06 am
Oh shit.
This is what I have to look forward to? Damn.
Well, maybe I’ll just teach my kids to say “bugger” and everyone on this side of the pond will think it’s cute as hell.