“But I’m curious” Asks Jeff from View From a Cloud, “what is your actual fascination with wanting chickens yourself?”. Well Jeff, this is just for you:
- Chickens are one of the easiest and most hassle free birds to keep domestically. Much easier to look after than say, an ostrich.
- Chickens are very economical to feed, all they need is a bit of corn and as many bugs and creepy crawlies that they can scratch up. Other livestock, such as ostriches, require expensive specialist food which can often be hard to source.
- Chickens eggs are packed full of protein and an essential part of numerous recipes. Ostrich eggs take 40 minutes to boil and do not feature in any of the cookbooks I own.
- A pure bred rare breed chicken costs around £10, an ostrich costs thousands of pounds.
- Do you know how big an ostrich is Jeff? They can be over 8 feet tall an weigh up to 340lb. You really think I want that in my back garden?
- You know I have kids Jeff? Two small kids? Just think what a well aimed kick from one of those things could do to their frail little bodies. I can’t believe you are even suggesting this.
- And just how on earth am I meant to fence the damn thing in? Do you know how high an ostrich can jump? No, neither do I, but I’m guessing it’s bloody high. I hope you are planning to send me the money to get the proper electric fencing and ostrich proof wire mesh, because I sure as hell can’t afford it on my salary.
- What about my neighbors. Have you even considered them? Well let me tell you they are not happy about this, not happy at all. They have already handed me a petition with over 300 names on it. They have also asked me to get your address from you; they want to know where to send the lawsuit.
So instead of asking me stupid questions about chickens I think you should be taking a cold hard look at some of your own issues. Just what is this unhealthy obsession you have with ostriches? Was there some trauma in your childhood that has caused all this.
I think you need help Jeff, professional help.
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Very impressive Dan. You were able to see right through my transparent question about chickens and get straight to the source of my dysfunction – my unhealthy obsession with ostriches. No need to file a lawsuit. I’ll seek professional help immediately. Thanks for helping me to see the light.
Jeff tried to trick you, but you were too clever. Well defended!
The nerve of that guy.
When I think of how close I came to suggesting that you start raising emus, I break out into a cold sweat. Close call.
I also like chickens, but apparently you can’t have farm animals in the suburbs. Stupid suburbs.
In truth, I secretly believe you would really like an ostrich or two, I even have a picture of you feeding one in Glouscestershire. Although trying to convince Kerry of getting one is a different matter. I’d offer to walk it for you if you did. :)
And chickens are just COOOOL!!!!
I think you can have chickens (hens) in the suburbs (some of them, anyway) as long as you DON’T have roosters. The male of the species, while much more beautiful in plumage, is also much NOISIER! That is usually the complaint of neighbors. And, of course, you know that you don’t NEED roosters to have eggs – only to have baby chicks, right?
Ostriches can’t jump. Or is that elephants?
Whit – No, it’s white men I think.
[...] Jeff has a dangerous ostrich obsession [...]
[...] But then I got to thinking, perhaps Rol isn’t guilty. Perhaps he is being set up. If I’ve learnt anything from Poroit seasons 1 – 6 it’s that you should never go with the obvious suspect. Who else do I know with a predilection for unusually large birds? [...]