This was the first blog entry I ever wrote. It was posted on livejournal on April the 1st 2005. Despite the date this was the most serious and painful thing I have ever written. You can see the original here.
My friend’s son died today. I don’t know the full details, but it seems like they went to get him up this morning and found him dead.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this. To try and initiate some sort of cathartic release I guess. I feel very helpless; I hardly knew him and I have a deep well of sadness inside me so god only knows what Neil and Rachael are feeling. I keep thinking of them in such unbearable emotional pain that all I want to do is help – but know there is nothing I can do. I’m going to wait until I contact them until next week, then send a card or something – letting them know I’m there if they want me to be.
The first thing I wanted to do when I heard was go and pick up Amy from nursery and give her a hug. Kerry says she felt the same. It wasn’t even a “thank god it didn’t happen to us” thing, just a primeval urge.
He was only three for gods sake. All those hopes and expectations gone. I keep imagining them coming back from the hospital to the house with all his toys just as he left them. How the hell do you cope with something like that? I wish I could do something.
I went out tonight with Craig and Dave for Karl’s leaving do. I was hoping we could find a corner and sit and just reflect but we ended up going to a bunch of shitty towny pubs. We had a toast – to Joseph, Neil and Rachel, may they all find peace. I wanted to share the experience with people that had known Neil as long as me, and we did to some extent. I guess though that it was easier for me to put myself in their shoes because of Amy. I never really understand how deeply I could feel until I had Amy.
Shit.
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on Oct 22nd, 2007 at 3:43 pm
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on Oct 22nd, 2007 at 4:36 pm
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on Oct 22nd, 2007 at 4:47 pm
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on Oct 23rd, 2007 at 5:33 am
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on Oct 23rd, 2007 at 8:43 am
In answer to your question Whit, Joseph died from streptococcal pneumonia. It’s very rare and it took him, although suddenly, very peacefully. When I went in to him in the morning it was obvious from his posture that he’d just gone into a deeper and deeper sleep and never knew anything about it. This too is what all the medical personnel associated with him told us. There are not many (if any) consolations when you lose a child, but at least he didn’t suffer. And as a parent, it’s one of the things you want most for your child isn’t it?
So Dan, and everyone who’s going to join you – good luck and thank you.
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on Oct 23rd, 2007 at 8:57 am
And I’ve never thought of it before but the post above this one puts it into stark practical context – how do you deal with the purely practical thing of paying for a decent funeral for your children – I’m sitting here now thinking of this and I’m not sure that any of my insurances cover things like that, its just too awful to consider.
So my best wishes go with you and your work and I hope today is filled with happy memories and not too much pain.
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on Oct 23rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm
I just sat here and broke down crying. Still am really.
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on Oct 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
[...] Benny Hill, but last week, this Brit gave me moments of tearful reflection as he shared with us the first post he ever wrote. He wrote this painful message in response to the death of a friend’s child. [...]
on Jan 27th, 2008 at 12:03 am
[...] So Dan, and everyone who’s going to join you – good luck and thank you. From the comments section of A Prelude to an Announcement. October 22, 2007 [...]