Jeff recently posted an arial view of his seven bedroomed mansion. Not to be outdone I am posting a satellite photo of our own decrepit hovel. Now all you murderous psychopaths out there are one step closer to pinpointing where we live.
Speaking of stalkers, in just over two weeks Greg and Deb are taking a couple of days out of their tour of Ireland in order to fly over to England to see us. There are a number of things we have to do before they arrive:
- Tidy. Tidy like we’ve never tidied before. Tidy like the wind.
- Figure out how the vacuum cleaner works. And what’s “dusting” anyhow?
- Work out why the bathroom light keeps flickering on and off randomly, particularly when you are in mid flow.
- Dye the carpet a dark brown color in order to match the stain in it’s center.
- Retrieve all the gifts they’ve given us from out of the attic.
- “What these? Oh we get fresh flowers delivered to out home every weekend”
- Persuade Amy that wearing clothes in the house is a Good Thing.
- Petition Kirklees council to reopen the Postcard Museum. Ok, so it was the most boring place on earth, but it was also the only tourist attraction we had goddamn it.
- Make reservations for a table for four at Macdonalds in order to make our American guests feel at home.
- Clean out the car. Or just get a new car, that might be quicker.
- Get in a fresh supply of marmite.
Strangely enough, it all seems worth it to see our friends again.