Kerry took this photo on Saturday at a local horse show. We actually know both of the people in this picture, and for that reason I shall not make any further comment.
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I have a prejudice against horses. Some of this is inherited from my father, who used to regularly rant about them being ridden on the road. And to be fair he has a damn good point. You have to be 16 to ride a moped, 17 to drive a car, but the only limit on riding a horse is that your parents need to be rich enough to buy you one. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen some prissy looking 14 year old girl loose control of a hulking great horse in the middle of a public road. Horses are unpredictable, skittish, and completely stupid and both horse and rider should be forced to pass extensive tests before being allowed out on the streets.
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Even if I hadn’t been subjected to my Dad’s propaganda I think I would have still developed a distaste for all things equestrian. When I was eight years old I narrowly avoided being kicked in the head by a horse as I walked home from school. The rider told me that it was my own fault as I had walked behind it, therefore giving it just cause to try and cave in my skull. If ever I happen to invent a time machine I intend to travel back and defend the stunned eight year old me. I will point out that a) Not everyone was taught horse craft while being bounced on their mother’s jodhpurs, b) She shouldn’t be riding her bloody horse past a bloody school at kicking out time if she knows it is nervy, and c) It is obviously true what they say about animals looking like their owners.
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High School did little to improve my attitude. All the girls who were into horse riding were upper middle class, snooty, and heartbreakingly unobtainable (the last point is probably the most significant here). And anyway, I just didn’t get it. What is the appeal of riding round in circles in a muddy little field? Why would you want to cause three mile tailbacks while you trot gormlessly up the road, oblivious to the waves of frustration and hate flowing from the car drivers behind you.Â
I could perhaps understand the attraction if we lived in the great expanse of the American prairies, or the Australian bush, or indeed anywhere you could wear a cowboy hat and not look like a prat. But we don’t, we live in Huddersfield, where the largest expanse of uninterrupted space is probably Sainsburys’ car park. Sure you could go horse riding up on the moors, but it would only be a matter of time until you and the horse were swallowed up by a peat bog. No, horse riding is a stupid hobby, second only to cheese rolling in it’s pointless dangerousness.
Of course I am fully aware that now I have written this post Amy will inevitably ask for horse riding lessons; just as I am aware that I will inevitably buy them for her. But until that day this rant stands (and after that day this post will mysteriously disappear).
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So, since we don’t know the either of the people in the picture, does that mean WE can make comments? Just thought I’d open up that possibility since I think I know your readers.
Just want to point out that not every country has roads narrower than most American-made SUVs. ;) (I guess that is a gentle poke at both of our fine nations.)
Feel free Jeff, feel free.
Although I should point out that that isn’t a small child on a shetland pony that woman is leading, it is a fully grown adult on a carthorse. Yes, that woman is 8ft tall and could crush you under her heel like a insignificant worm.
So what were you going to say again?
Kristina – Ah but our roads were designed for horses not cars.
Damn, I think I’ve just invalidated my own argument. Damn you, damn your eyes.
That lady looks like she had two ponies for breakfast and is eyeballing dessert.
I grew up in horse country, the cowboy kind. I have no problem with horses. My problem is with the people that ride them. No, I don’t think it cruel to ride a horse, it’s fairly enjoyable (not that I’ve been on a horse in nearly 20 years) and the horses don’t seem to mind. However, I am not a fan of rodeo and such activities that purposely inflect pain on an animal for human entertainment. I bet Michael Vick loves the rodeo.
Needless to say, a good portion of my family feels otherwise and therein lies one of the reasons I never visit.
Dan, check your email.
Mmmmmmm courting controversy indeed!
Even in the Australian bush you have that special breed of horse person who is essentially a prat and has too much bloody money (you need to read that in the voice Nic Cage uses in Gone in 60 Seconds which of course features no horses but i love that line) and puts their 10 year old dressed in all the finery onto an expensive horse.
The flip side though that causes me not to hate the horse world too much is the guys and gals who ride horses because it’s the easiest way to just go get things done around the property. Nine times out of ten you’ll find these people are better riders and know their horses.
The other reason I can’t hate horse riders too much is that Captain Kirk rides a horse and does cool show off things in Star Trek Generations. Thus making doing cool things with horses… um well cool I suppose. Or maybe just being Kirk is cool and it eclipses the snobbery of horse people?
But I respect your distaste for the horsing world and encourage it – a man needs things to hate to keep him young.
Is now a good time to point out that I rode for 21 years?
My brother was killed by a horse.
Sorry, was going to write more in that comment above.
I’ve always been wary of horses because my 15-year-old brother died when he was thrown from one. It’s been 33 years now, but I still look at horses with some suspicion. Like you said, they let anybody just get on a horse. My brother had never rode one before and his friend’s mother didn’t even think twice about letting him ride — by himself! People think you can just get on and go, but it takes years of training and adult-sized muscles to control one of those beasts.
Aye you’re right, horses are beautiful creatures that should live together in herds on rolling plains, not locked up every night on their own in a wooden shed in a 30 yard square field in suburbia just because some 10 year old wanted one.
My eldest got the horse riding bug when she was around 10 yrs old, how glad I am that I said “no” when she asked me to buy one for herself – that bas’tad would still be alive now eating me out of grass while the two girls ignored him – anyway where would I have put the pond in the back garden, the bloody pony would be always falling in it.
Horses – dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle. (I think it was Ian Fleming who said that).
I was tossed off a horse right into a tree once. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing.
I’m American, but I’ll say it anyway: that is perhaps the most perfectly English picture I’ve ever seen.
Being from Texas, all the people I’ve ever known who were into horses liked to chew tobacco, listened to terrible music, had awful taste in beer, and/or had hair that closely resembled a horse’s tail.
Here in Connecticut we have people who dress up like that to ride horses and riding schools all over the place. And we don’t have wide-open praries.
If you find a way to avoid the riding lessons once your daughter asks let me know.
Dan – I said “I was tossed off a horse,” not “I tossed off a horse.” A subtle but important difference.
Damn you Brits anyway.
Tell it to the judge Jeff
Paul – I did remember that you used to do showjumping, but decided to publish and be damned anyway. I’m a rebel like that.
Anyhow, you still hold the record for social gaffs for that time you pronounced loudly that you beilived that people who said they have ME are just lazy scroungers, then Ritch said his mum had it.
Still makes me chuckle.
Glad to hear that you are keeping up the family tradition.
Using a horse to get around in wild open spaces is fine.
I have nothing against horses or really people who own them but the days when it was safe to put an immature human brain in charge of a
two ton animal with an even less capable one on the roads of Britain are long gone.
All horses look better without people on their backs however.
Wait a second. You mean to say horses are real? I thought they were Hollywood magic. What are you going to tell me next, cows exist?
From Phil:
Like you said, they let anybody just get on a horse.
Can I ask who “They” is?
I can understand your feelings toward horses, but “They” is a really broad comment. (I know you didn’t originally say it) NOT everyone is like this. It would be like saying ALL people of Spanish decent are migrant workers or something of some such. Using one experience to judge a whole group is wrong.
I’ll have you know also, that NOT every one is a prissy rider whose parents bought them their horse. My first horse was a captive-bred mustang. I bought her with my won money, I took *my* time to train her. Not all of us “horse people” are prats. Don’t make blanket assumptions. You can dislike something with out being insulting.