A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

The Holmes over at, erm, The Holmes has thrown down the gauntlet to his readers, challenging them to participate in possibly the most ambitious blog contest the internet has ever seen. A competition so epic in scale that I’ve heard Beijing is bidding to host it next year. A contest so breathtaking in its audacity that the winner will also be awarded the Nobel Popular Culture Prize by default. Yes, the rumors you’ve heard are true. The Holmes has asked us to completely recast Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.

I’ve already risen to the challenge in his comments section, but my contribution was rather off the cuff and not properly thought through. Inspired by fellow Holmes reader Camikos I have decided to revise my entry here on my own blog. After all it saves me having to think of a proper post to write.

Without further ado I present the Star Wars Episode IV: Ultimate revised digitally enhanced directors cut special sauce edition.

Luke Skywalker - Elijah Wood

With his portrayal of Frodo Baggins Elijah showed he is able to move a character believably from innocent rural bumpkin to conflicted and determined hero. Of course all that stuff with him and Sam traveling through Mordor was incredibly boring, but that was Tolkien’s fault not his. Give him a light-saber and a few X-wing lessons and he’d be perfect for the part.

Han Solo - Nathan Fillion

It’s pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that Nathan Fillion’s character Mal in Firefly was pretty heavily influenced by Han Solo. In fact, you could put up a pretty good argument that he was superior to Han in many ways: A trenchcoat is cooler than a poncy waistcoat no matter which way you look at it. Plus Nathan is already circulating around the all comic and sci-fi conventions, so he will already know all the tricks. Like putting lavender oil up your nose before meeting and greeting the geeks so you don’t get overwhelmed by the smell.

Princess Leia Organa - Pheobe Cates

The choice of who plays Leia boils down to one essential question - who do you want to see in the slave girl outfit in Return of the Jedi. My initial choice for this was Angelina Jolie, but after careful consideration I have decided that while she is an attractive young lady, she does not hold a candle to the delightful Ms Cates. Oh Pheobe, my joyous saviour throughout my dank dark adolescent days. Of course it would need to be a younger version of her, but according to Holmes that is within the rules, so that’s ok.

Obi-Wan Kenobi - Jet Li

It is very difficult to imagine anyone but Alec Guinness playing Ben Kenobi, and so I’ve gone for someone who might give a different take on the character. In particular I never felt that Ben’s fight scenes were as spectacular as they could have been, and Jet Li could certainly add a bit of oomph to proceedings. He’s currently 44, so I’d probably use Holmes’ patented age manipulation machine to make him 10 years older. He might complain about loosing 10 years of his life, but I’d let him sit next to the 20 year old Pheobe Cates during dinner breaks, that should keep him quiet.

Darth Vader - Mark Hamill

Again a character which it is hard to envisage anyone other than the original actor portraying, but we have to try. Someone who sprung instantly to mind was Tay Zonday, the rather strange young man behind the internet hit Chocolate Rain, but i’m not sure anyone could take him seriously. Mark Hamill has proven himself to be a talented voiceover actor, proving he can do evil by voicing the Joker in Batman: The Animated series. His inclusion is just the kind of in-joke the fanboys would love. Plus he needs the work, poor guy.

C3P0 - John Cleese

Cleese would bring a slightly more maniacal property to 3PO’s pomposity. In addition he’s also proven that he’s willing to step into other peoples shoes by taking the role of Q in the Bond films (not very successfully in my opinion, but still). I’m not convinced he could carry off actually being in the suit however, he’d probably need a body double for that one.

R2D2 - Yamaha PSR-E403

The PSR-E403 comes equipped with 116 panel voices, 12 drum/SFX kits, 361 XGlite voices plus 15 arpeggio voices. Included in this selection is stereo-sampled Piano, a selection of Sweet! Voices including Trumpet, Flute, Pan Flute, Soprano & Tenor Saxes and Cool! Voices including Galaxy Electric Piano, Organ and Rotor Organ. It also plays Hey Jude on demo mode.

Other casting suggestions:

• Chewbacca - Robin Williams. Man that guy is hairy.
• Yoda - Layla Sutcliffe
• Wedge Antilles - Me. Back in the early days of the internet my chat room handle used to be Wedge. Yes, I was very very sad indeed. The guy who played him, Dennis Lawson, is Ewan McGregor’s uncle you know.

So there you go. Now I want to see your own suggestions. Don’t put them in my comments section though, head over to The Holmes and do them in his. Or better yet put them on your own blog and link back to him. Lets create a meme people.