We had joy we had fun
on Aug 27 in General by DanWhen I was around fifteen years old my friend Paul and I spent nearly an entire summer sat on the roof of my house armed with a pair of binoculars. As well as a wonderful place to catch the sun’s rays the roof also provided an excellent vantage point to see into the centre of the village. Of particular interest to us was the view we had of a double-glazing shop.
I’m guessing that double-glazing shops do most of their business by appointments. The casual shopper is probably rather unlikely to just pop in on a whim and walk out with an entire set of new windows they didn’t really need. Therefore the shop assistant was relatively untroubled by customers and, as that summer was a particularly pleasant one, spent much of his day sunning himself on the steps of the store.
Or at least he would have done if Paul and I had chosen to do something productive. But we were young and full of joyful malice. Instead of spending our holiday riding bikes, exploring the countryside, and experimenting with alcopops like any normal teenagers, we chose instead to torment another human being to the brink of insanity.
The salesman would emerge from his shop and settle himself down on the steps. We would then get my Dad’s cordless phone and ring the store. He would stand up and turn to go inside and answer the phone, at which point we would immediately hang up. He would settle himself back down again, and once he looked really comfy we would pick up the phone and ring him again.
And repeat.
Initially he tried to rush inside before whoever was trying to call hung up, but after a while he got wise to us and started attempting to ignore the phone. You could almost taste his raging internal battle every time we rung: Is this a genuine caller? Or is it those bloody bastards again?. Eventually man’s primeval urge to answer a ringing telephone would win through and he would wearily stand up. At which point we hung up again. Oh the fun we had.
We performed other jolly japes with the phone that summer. One favourite was ringing a particular phone box next to a bus stop. When a random member of the public answered it we would tell them that we needed to talk to our friend who should be there waiting for a bus. Then, looking through the binoculars, we would describe someone standing at the bus stop (maybe the man in the purple t-shirt or the woman with the wonky hat). When the poor victim went over to tell the person there was a call for them we would hang up and watch the ensuing confusion.
Yes, we were complete bastards.
No doubt karma will eventually bite me in the arse and I myself will fall victim to a caller asking for Mr I.P. Freely. But something somehow tells me it will be worth it.
Apologies to readers of Toast Ambassador who will have heard this story before
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I love childhood mischief stories.
A neighbor once asked me why I wasn’t mad that a boy had sprayed silly string all over my car. I told him he hadn’t hurt anything and one day my car would be a main character in a happy childhood memory.
I hope I’m never to old or important to appreciate children acting like complete bastards.
Wicked fun! What a great prank to play!
We used to press two intercom buttons in our apartment building and wait for neighbors to answer, each thinking the other one was downstairs calling for no reason. It was the funniest thing in the world. Maybe I should do it again?
When we grew up, we used to hang out in mall parking lots and seeing all the drivers searching for a parking spot we used to stand near a car close to the entrance and pretend we were looking for our keys, and after a few minutes we just continued walking as if nothing happened. We did get busted by the police who suspected we were trying to steal cars, so I wouldn’t recommend doing that.
Damn, I think your story was still better.
Sounds good to me. When I first got my driving license I used to take great pleasure in beeping my horn and waving cheerfully at random pedestrians. The look of puzzlement as they waved back and tried to work out who they knew in a clapped out brown ford fiesta was priceless.
I might have another go at that today actually.
I still do that Dan – people have a built-in mechanism to return the gesture to anyone who waves and smiles; they can’t help it.
Even if they wander away thinking “I don’t even know that person after all”, they’ve smiled and waved. I think this is a Good Thing.
You can’t do it all that often though (at least not in the same town), as for some strange reason you get called things like “That Mad Guy Who Waves at People For No Reason). I think this is a Bad Thing.
Caller ID has killed the prank call. Glad you had a good run.
I fall for the old “smile and wave” every time. It has me wondering for hours who was just waving at me.
The only prank call I can remember making as a kid was the old classic, “Is your refrigerator running?” “Yes, why?” “You’d better go get it before it gets away!!!”
Yes, I was lame back then too.
Ha – that made me laugh. We’re in the process of dealing with double glazing firms and I hate them all – you’ve just made up for all the hassle we’ve had recently. Thanks Dan!
Our favorite prank was playing “purse.” Would would tie a fishing line to a purse and toss it on the side of the road and wait in the bushes. Then when someone stopped to pick it up we’d pull it away. Eventually we got bored with that and we upped the ante. This involved simply filling it with dog crap and just allowing people to stop and pick it up and bring it in their cars. As we watched from nearby treetops, we’d laugh our asses off when the car would stop a few hundred feet down the road and toss it out the window.
Talk about bastards.
I once got a call from a conservatory company, and had them thinking I was interested in getting a quote (I genuinely was) up to the point of my directions telling them to “go down the drive, through the main archway, first door on the right and we’re on the top floor”.
I was told that perhaps my property “was not in an appropriate location for a conservatory”.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come and have a look….?”
Forgive me T’Real Dan. I am a stupid American and need a translator (similar to Clarke Griswald’s in European Vacation!)
double-glazing shop?
alcopops?
jolly japes?
wonky?
I still laughed my “arse” off though!
Dan – I’m sorry I haven’t given you some translations yet, I’ve been rather snowed under recently.
Here goes:
Double glazing shop = A shop that sells double glazing
Alcopops = pops that are alco
Jolly Japes = Japes that are jolly
Wonky = Skewiff
That is all.