People in the Sun, a fine blogger with an rather interesting site, has tagged me with a blogging tips meme. It officially requires you to copy and paste a big lump of text and links, but that smells a little of a technorati ranking scheme to me (a lot of the blogs near the top of the list appear to be of the Make Money Online!! genre). Nevertheless it is the official International Week of the Meme, and I do really like People in the Sun, so I have decided to adapt it slightly.
Of course I’m not sure if I’m actually qualified to give blogging tips as I’ve recently gone through a bit of a blogging crisis. The blog was originally created to be a record of our family life, but has gradually evolved something a little bit different to that. In the early days I was posting every one or two weeks, now I rarely go a day without updating. At one time the focus was always on my children, but now it strays over a wider range of topics. And back when I started I used to have only two readers, and now I have four.
For some reason I’d been blind to the fact that the blog was changing. Then, while scanning my archives for a post to nominate for Whit’s Sgt. Honea’s Lonely Posts Club Band, the realization hit me like Maxwell’s silver hammer. This sudden insight threw me into something of a dilemma. While I realized that I have been enjoying blogging more and more recently I couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow I was betraying my family - I was supposed to be writing about them not about me trying to win iPods.
But then I did something very smart. I emailed a handful of bloggers I respect and admire asking for their thoughts, and every one of them came back with a piece of advice that really I should have known all along: Just go with it. But these kind people each also gave me their own unique insights, perspectives and experiences on the art of blogging, and I devoured each email with gratitude. I once read someone on a blog compare working through their blogroll to walking into a bar where everyone knows your name. I’m not sure how well that holds up to close scrutiny, but it’s an undeniable fact that there is certainly a sense of community that invisibly binds many of us together. I’m not saying I’d take a bullet for you guys, but I’d certainly wait with you until the ambulance came.
As I say, I’m not qualified to give blogging tips, but I can certainly point out some of my mistakes in the hope that you avoid them:
Be careful what you link to.
Ninety eight percent of all my readers are only interested in one thing: The firmness of bowel movements. I once foolishly linked to the Bristol Stool Chart and google has been sending the chronically constipated and desperately diarrheaed my way ever since. Do not under any circumstances link to the chart, no matter how humorous you may find it. You’ll be laughing on the other side of your face when the runny bottom brigade start turning up on your blog.
Co-ordinate your output.
On Youtube my Star Wars spoof has had 3896 views and my bloody Prague holiday video has had 10172 views and has a four star rating. And I bet that not a single one of those viewers has made it across to the blog.
Adhere to good netiquet.
For example, don’t hotlink images from the Go-Go-Lazytown tribute site. Those Sportacus fans can get real pissy about you stealing their bandwith.
Be your own censor.
Don’t publish photographs of the top of your head if you have a baldness complex.
Trust no one.
Dwayne, don’t you know? You should never, never, insult Bono on the web. There are scores of highly trained government operatives monitoring every single blog and email address in order to intercept any sign of dissent. Even if many people feel he is a little sanctimonious at times and those sunglasses are quite frankly ridiculous there is no need to…
Hang on there’s someone a the door. Who on earth could that be at this time of nig…
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This blog has been suspended pending investigations. All Hail Bono.
By order of Lord Chief Justice Edge
Word to the winsome - don’t put Spanking and Panties in your tags.
You’ll have to enrol in Reform School and delete your archives.
Thanks for the good advice…love your new design!
Thanks for the advice. I have nothing but respect for Bono. I even loved him when he was a member of the human race and before his death and resurrection.
You have a point about the money bloggers. However, the person who tagged me with this thing seems like a genuinely nice guy who tries to take these things away from money/tech bloggers and onto personal blogs. I understand your concern, though.
As for unwanted Google visitors, for a while I was getting people who were looking for some crazy stuff. One of my Google searches was for “picture of penis in dead man.” Then a few days ago Google went crazy and I don’t get any of these people anymore.
I miss them.
I was once top of the listings for “kitchen nudity”, and the only google result for “biscuit knickers”. Sadly, the latter wasn’t a true Googlewhack, as it required inverted commas.
Kitchen Nudity referred to a shot of a mate demonstrating the hairiness of his chest.
As for Biscuit Knickers… Has anyone else seen the film Armageddon?
“I’m not saying I’d take a bullet for you guys, but I’d certainly wait with you until the ambulance came.”
I don’t know - I may have to reconsider my allegiance to your blog. How about a rubber bullet? Or one of a very small caliber?
What would we talk about while we waited for the ambulance?
We could discuss your bank account details.
Damn you. I’ve used up a good part of my morning reading (and subsequently laughing my head off) at your various links. And why did I not know about the bristol stool chart before? I will not discuss my personal bowel movements here but let’s just say that further reading may be necessary. Maybe I’ll have to Google “bristol stool chart” and see if it lands me right back where I started.
On another note, I’m nodding madly when you talk about a blog’s focus changing. Mine originally started out as a family diary of sorts but only stayed that way for about 4.5 seconds.