A battle of minds

Posted on July 25, 2007 by Dan

A while ago Oli claimed in one of his comments that:

A shark will only attack you if you are wet.
Oli Walker (2007) All That Comes With It: Branwell. WordPress. Scotland

Oh yes; very clever Mr Walker. Coming over here with your university education, trying to impress all the women with your so called “facts”. Well around these parts we don’t take kindly to fancy pants know-it-alls trespassing on our blogs imparting useful marine biology tips without prior invitation. So please take your cockamamie theories about the feeding habits of sharks elsewhere.

To make things worse he was clearly in the wrong, as I pointed out to him at the time:

That’s not true. I remember Quint getting eaten by Jaws and he was nice and dry on a boat at the time.
Dan Hughes (2007) All That Comes With It: Branwell. WordPress. England

To which he scandalously replied:

Quint wasn’t dry, as this screenshot should prove:

protectedimage.php.jpg

His left leg is clearly in the water, and it looks like his jacket is a bit soggy too. In this pic:

03.jpg

Definitely wet.
He was right though – they needed a bigger boat.
Oli Walker (2007) All That Comes With It: Branwell. WordPress. Scotland

Can you believe the sheer effrontery of the man!? Not only is he rude enough to come onto my blog spreading his poorly researched ideas; but then he has the impertinence to question my attempts to put him right. It is a good job dueling was outlawed in England in the 1987 reform bill, or I should be calling for pistols at dawn.

As you can imagine I have lost many nights sleep over this matter. My seething mind wracked with turmoil I have lain awake for night after night trying to concoct a way to take my revenge on the miscreant.

But then, as I was taking my daily bowel movement this morning a flash of inspiration hit me. Of course! Batman: The Movie (1966)!! Clear and irrefutable evidence that sharks do indeed attack people who are not wet. Behold:

shark.JPG

So I win, and my peace of mind is once more restored. Providing Oli doesn’t come across this that is.

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12 Responses to A battle of minds

  1. Phil says:
    July 25, 2007 at 12:53 am

    It’s good to be the king!

    Take that, Mr. Wet Shark Scottish person!

    And here is more evidence proving Mr. Hughes to be correct:

    The Landshark…..considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white shark, which tends to inhabit the waters and harbors and recreational beach areas, the Landshark may strike at any place, anytime. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami’s Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of attack is to hit or punch the predator on the nose.” To gain access to a young woman’s apartment, the Landshark pretends he is selling Girl Scout cookies or delivering a “Candy-Gram.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landshark

  2. Jeff says:
    July 25, 2007 at 1:25 am

    Love that Batman clip. Boy that brings back a ton of memories.

    Those inflatable sharks can be quite pesky – but you gotta love the repellents. Barracuda, manta ray and my favorite… WHALE! Just imagine how handy that could be.

  3. Holmes says:
    July 25, 2007 at 4:54 am

    Danged old facts, I tell you what man. They mess it up every time.

  4. bon bon says:
    July 25, 2007 at 5:51 am

    it’s a good thing they actually had the “bat ladder” labeled as such! imagine how long that lame-ass clip would’ve been if they hadn’t know what to climb down!

  5. whit says:
    July 25, 2007 at 7:31 am

    I live every week like it’s shark week.

  6. Oli says:
    July 25, 2007 at 9:10 am

    Until I watched that clip I thought you had me. Since watching that clip, I’ve been wishing I hadn’t. I’m glad the new Batman films haven’t been recreated in the same style!
    I’m trying to think of an equally well worded and witty reply to Dan’s argument, but following a 14 hour day at work yesterday and considering I was in before 9 again this morning, the words are failing me.

    I’ll pretend I didn’t waste 3mins57secs of my life and concede – Sorry Dan, I was wrong.

    And I’m going to get some landshark repellent spray on my way home, just in case the girl scouts come calling.

  7. cry it out! says:
    July 25, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    Also, Deep Blue Sea. Samuel Jackson gets munched even though he’s standing in a sea lab near a water pit. The shark jummps out and gets him. I’mjust saying …

  8. Oli says:
    July 26, 2007 at 9:49 am

    I reckon he probably got splashed as the shark left the water – and in my book, that counts for a great deal.

  9. Henitsirk says:
    August 1, 2007 at 2:14 am

    I was about to give up on your blog altogether after that “daily bowel movement” bit, but then your dear commenter Phil saved the day by reminding me of the wonderful Landshark. To this day you can crack my mom up completely merely by saying “Candygram!”

    (Found you through LA Daddy.)

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  12. ANDREW CUMMINS says:
    February 12, 2010 at 1:42 am

    ROBERT SHAW’S DEATH IN THE FILM JAWS, WAS SO PERFECTLY ACTED THAT YOU ARE WITHOUT A DOUBT, WATCHING A MAN BEING RIPPED TO PIECES. I BET ROBERT’S VOCAL CORDS WERE A LITTLE STRAINED AFTER THE TAKE, HOWEVER ONE OF THE SCREAMS DOES APPEAR TO BE AN EXACT DUPLICATE WHILE SLIDING TOWARDS THE SHARK, AND AFTER THE FIRST SHARK BITE.