This week Amy, Evan, and I have been stealing, nicking and pilfering. We have also been thieving, nabbing and purloining; robbing, snatching and misappropriating; and filching, looting and half inching. Yes, there comes a time in every man’s life where he feels the need to introduce his offspring to the joys of petty crime, and for me that time was Wednesday lunchtime.
On my daily drive to work I pass by a number of rugged farm tracks, one of which is bordered by piles of various agricultural, commercial and mechanical detritus. Of particular interest to me has been a large stack of wooden pallets and a heap of old car tyres.
Plan 57, subsection 43b of my great garden scheme involves me creating a compost bin and also a raised container in which to plant potatoes. Old wooden pallets and used car tyres are the ideal materials from which to create these, and so the sight of them laying abandoned just off the public byway has been tantalizing me for months. I haven’t so much been coveting my neighbors ass as much as coveting his piles of crap.
On Wednesday it all became too much for me and so, packing my grapple gun, glass cutting kit, and security laser detector, I bundled my gang of ne’er-do-wells into the car and went off on a heist. I screeched to a stop beside the farm track in a manner reminiscent of the Italian Job, but with Skodas instead of Minis. I would have done a handbrake turn just to finish it off but I couldn’t quite remember how to do one and anyway I was a little worried about driving into the ditch.
While Amy kept the engine running and Evan stood lookout I scuttled round the back of the car and threw four old tyres in the boot. We then made our getaway, careful not to attract the attention of the Fuzz. The same procedure was followed in order to liberate the pallets, except it was less a case throwing them into the boot as it was dragging them around and frequently stopping to catch my breath.
So now I am the proud possessor of four decrepit car tyres and four mouldy wooden pallets. I have yet to attempt the compost bin, but Amy and I spent the day yesterday making the potato planter. Amy chose the colours, not necessarily the ones I would have picked but I’m still pretty pleased with how it’s turned out.
I just hope some bastard doesn’t steal it.
on Mar 16th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
Hmm. You never know. What goes around comes around, I always say. But such mundane items, I’m sure your payback will be very mild. Good luck. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
on Mar 17th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
I prefer to think of it as recycling, although I hope no-one from work reads this as we might have to get a waste transfer licence at this rate.
on Mar 18th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
I think Amy picked out a great color scheme. The previous owner will never notice them hiding in plain sight like that.
on Mar 18th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
It almost looks attractive! Dudelet’s biggest larceny to date has been half-inching single sweets from the bins at Woolworths - which being as they put them at floorlevel does make me think of honey traps. I do tell him “NO!” but caught him actually trying to check that I wasn’t looking the other day. And he’s only three. Supermum’s probably been letting him get away with it…
on Apr 9th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
My father in law and I did a heist like that on old pallets in order to build a dog shelter/kennel. Which proved to be extraordinarily heavy when half complete (in fact it remained that way because I never finished it). So it’s a good idea to introduce your young to crime early on so they are never without pallets and tires!
on Apr 15th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
I appreciate that there has been somewhat of a delay in my response to this entry, but inspired by your “recycling” effort Matt and I had a week off work last week and having read your inspiring tale of tyres and potatoes I decided that we too should grow potatoes in this fashion. We have previously tried the bin bag method and the growing in the vege plot method and received very disappointing results. Thanks to you we now have 12 tyres in our garden painted pink and purple in my stacks (one is a form of girly camouflage of left over pink and purple paint) and then the manly tones of red and white and god and rock effect spray for Matt’s stack.
Given the amount of money we ended up spending on spray and paint I think it would have been cheaper to buy the potatoes from Sainsburys!!! Also I now have a slight following at the local tip where we acquired our tyres from. Two trips there asking if a could possibly have six tyres each time seems to have attracted the wrong sort of attention, but I’ll take it anyway!!! I will have to send Kerry pictures to show the works of art that we have created.
on Apr 15th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Yes we spent a fortune on paint as well, far more than the potatoes would have cost. However we noticed this weekend that some potato sprouts have come up! Hurrah!
I think to be really posh you should not use all the tires initially and then “earth up” as the potato plant’s come up.
And I quote
Once the new potato plants get to be about eight inches tall, add another tire and add soil around the plants until just a couple of inches of the tops are above the soil. Repeat this process for the third and subsequent tires. As you add tires and soil to the ‘tater stack, the plant stalk is covered with soil. As you do this, the existing stalk will send off roots as well as grow upward to once again find the sunlight it needs. Since you are gradually raising the soil level eight inches or so at a time, the plant is able to keep growing without suffocating. At the same time, you are creating a 24- to 36-inch tap root off of which many lateral roots will develop. Each of the lateral roots can produce additional potatoes at three or four levels instead of only one. When you water the plant, be sure that the soil is thoroughly moistened all the way down to the base of the pile.
on Jun 13th, 2007 at 12:15 am
[...] course I blame myself for introducing him to crime at an early age. I had envisaged him using his nefarious talents in order to add to the family [...]
on Jul 8th, 2007 at 9:30 am
[...] I first wrote about planting our potatoes in old car tyres Kerry’s friend Katherine left a comment saying [...]