Some parents spend a good deal of time and energy worrying about which school they should send their kids to. Not us though, we have much bigger fish to fry. The decision we face concerns not just the future of our children, but the future of the entire world. We need to decide which superhero team our son is going to join.
Over the past few weeks Evan has developed a number of amazing abilities. Not only does he appear to have incredible matter transmorphing powers that allow him to dribble more liquid than he actually consumes; but he also has the uncanny capacity to alter his very body chemistry in order to turn his muscles into sprung steel. If Evan doesn’t want to bend in the middle, then by god he won’t bend in the middle.
Unfortunately due to his tender years his powers are not yet fully developed and can be triggered at random throughout the day. One minute you have a placid, floppy baby and the next an unexpected bout of rigidity has sent him pinging off your lap like a uncoiled spring.
I’m not sure where he got these abilities. He could be a mutant meta-human, or he may even have been bitten by a radioactive slinky while we weren’t looking. We can rule out some routes however - he has yet to see his parents cold bloodily gunned down by a mugger in Crime Alley for example (I always thought Thomas and Martha Wayne were pretty foolish in taking young Bruce to that particular Gotham neighborhood - the name gives it away as a rather poor place for a wholesome family outing).
Whatever the means he gained his superhuman abilities, as his parents it is our duty to ensure that he learns that with great power comes great responsibility. Kerry is busy sewing The Amazing Springo Lad (for that will be his name) a special lycra costume with the nappy on the outside, and I’m in the process of converting the pushchair to the Springomobile. Pretty soon no evil will be safe from his ever watchful gaze, and the world will be a safer place.
on Jan 25th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Oh, yeah. I know that feeling. Let me know which one he joins. I can add LA Toddler to the mix with her special ability with gravity. No, she doesn’t fly. Quite the opposite.
She knows how to get very, very heavy. Very, very fast, too.
on Jan 26th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Cats can do the same, my cat can be so light you don’t notice her creeping up the bed, until she lies on your chest and becomes a dead weight crushing the breath out of you whilst she looks cute and demands food.
on Jan 26th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Dudelet’s special power is undoubtedly his ability to make the contents of a fridge disappear from a great distance…