Ten days
on Jun 09 in General by DanAs part of the latest stage of my lifetime goal of descending into complete atrophy, this week I officially reduce my hours at work from three days a week to two days a week.
You hear that? Two days! In fact I’ve already done my two days this week and I’m not working now until next weekend so I now have ten days off. Ten days without taking a single annual leave. Ten days!
There’s very little to say to that other than HURRAH!
Of course it’s not like I’m not going to work at home. I’m looking after Evan and have responsibility for all the domestic tasks etc. But still, TEN DAYS!
To be honest I need this. My job has become increasingly stressful. I obviously can’t go into it in too much detail, but it’s been a complete nightmare recently with increased workload and vastly overstretched resources. I’ve been close to tears on occasion with the pressure of it, and to work their full time would be inviting complete burnout.
There is still a little bit of a stigma with a man being the primary caregiver to his children, and I must admit I occasionally feel a twinge of shame or guilt that I’m not the breadwinner in my marriage. But we’ve always said that we don’t want our kids to spend more days in childcare than they do with their parents, and I think we’re making the right decisions for our family.
Kerry has been nothing but supportive in this decision, and I can’t thank her enough for it. I’m a very lucky man. This isn’t a permanent situation, I’ll look to go full time again once Evan is at school next year, but for now I’m even more of a stay-at-home dad than I was before. And that’s something I’m very happy about.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go play lego.
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I think you’re totally right to do whatever is right for your family. It doesn’t matter about the ‘conventions’ of who is and isn’t the breadwinner.
Another blogger I read was a policeman and gave it all up to bring his 4 children up while his wife still works full time. It was just right for them to do it that way.
.-= Tara@Sticky Fingers´s last blog ..Things I say ALL THE TIME #3 =-.
@Tara@Sticky Fingers, Yes. we both earn the same, Kerry likes her job, I struggle with mine on occasion, it’s the only sensible option really.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
dan,
as you know I work 11.5 hours a week and am house husband and animal carer here in wales…
I know what you mean when you refer to the sigma of being a stay at home hubby………
most of it , I think, is jelously
plain and simple!
go for it…..enjoy!
@john gray, It’s not other people’s conceptions that worry me, it’s my own really.
It’s complex to be honest, but then when is life not?
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
@Dan,
dan.
complicated it IS.
I came to wales after leaving my ward manager job….and moved from rehabilitation (spinal injuries) to intensive care.
I now begrudge going in for that one shift. It took a while but the allotment, animals and house are now “my job” and they all give me the positives that work used to, but getting my head straight about it was hard to begin with.
for many a career defines the person…
I guess now my home does…..
Good for you Dan. You have my admiration for being able to see past archaic social norms and for choosing to devote your time to your son. He’s going to have such a good start and the increased bond between you will make him strong.
Enjoy your break.
.-= Gappy´s last blog ..Mine’s a Lime and Soda =-.
Hey good for you !
I work from home via a complicated link of computer stuff to our head office in birmingham, as long as my computer is logged on to their server for 8 hours a day then thats all the proof they need that I am working.
And of course I do diligently … absolutely … yes sireee
No slacking or sitting out in the garden on nice days around here, oh no…
.-= Gary´s last blog ..Conned, darnit… =-.
@Gary, “working from home” Ah the holy grail.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
I applaud your ability to run with what works for your family. Good on you!
@SG-3, Thanks man :)
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
I think although there is a stigma, it is reducing. didn’t David Cameron and Nick Clegg just change their Cabinet Office meeting times so they could drop their kids off at school? People do realise that their children are the most important thing of all and it has really altered since our parents generation.
Most people would love to be able to do what you are doing. 2 days a week of work sounds about right to me.
.-= Pants With Names´s last blog ..Stereotypically sniping =-.
@Pants With Names, Oh yes, and if I was worried about sexual stereotypes i’d have not become a nurse in the first place.
My issues I suppose are a little more complex. If we were both working full time, or even if I stayed at 30hrs a week, we’d have significantly more money. But there are many reasons why that would be detrimental too.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
Good for you in putting family first. I would like to work a couple of days a week and let MadDad spend more time with the boys, he does get evenings and weekends, but it isnt enough. Bravo
.-= TheMadHouse´s last blog ..drowning =-.
@TheMadHouse, I must admit i’ve been very glad that I’ve always had a job that allows me more time than evenings and weekends.
Work is crap. It should be banned
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
Dude you were born to be a dad. Shove stigmas up your arse (not Lego).
.-= Socrates´s last blog ..Hadrian’s Walk =-.
@Socrates, especially not duplo
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
Don’t do what Ian said, that would probably hurt.
I know how you feel – I know by staying at home I’m making the right choice for us but often it seems socially unacceptable. Like on our marriage certificate, Richard “is” something, he has an occupation, but I’m, well, – . I do a lot, but I’m categorised as – . Which was really just funny rather than anything but it does say something about the disproportionally large social value put on the earning of cash.
Anyway, balls to that and kudos to you :D
@Catherine, I do still ahve an answer to “what do you do for a job” and an answer that sounds pretty impressive on the surface (“I talk people out of committing suicide”) so i haven’t felt the brunt of that particular socail unpleasantness as yet.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
Ah how I envy you reducing your hours!
My husband said many times that if I wanted to work full time then he’d be a stay at home Dad. Like you, he’s very hands on both in the home and with the kids, which is just as it should be.
Sorry you’ve been so stressed dude. Here’s to 10 days of family fun and lego building!
:)
.-= Insomniac Mummy´s last blog ..An Exhilarating Day in The Big City =-.
@Insomniac Mummy, yup. I just need to find family fun stuff that doesn’t cost anythign as starting this month we are very poor indeed :)
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
From the 1st August I start with a ‘Papa Dag’. Going to be very weird.
Stigma, I couldn’t give a toss.
.-= Martin´s last blog ..No kissing on the lips =-.
@Martin, Holland has some pretty impressive legislation!
To be fair so does the UK when compared to other countries
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
welcome to 2 days a week nursing…welcome to more time with babies…welcome to more house work…welcome to more playing…welcome to less stress…welcome to complete POVERTY!!
@Rachel Sykes, yup. But the less stress thing is the winner.
You forgot “welcome to meeting up in playgyms and bitching”
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
YEY!! happy days. Thats what play gyms are for!
I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for 12 years now. During those early years I think I spent way too much time worrying about what other people thought about my at-home status. After awhile, the funny looks and stares gave way to a mild admiration. Even envy in some fathers who realized how much of their kids’ lives they were missing out on.
There are some who still think it’s the layabout life. But I don’t care. They can think what they want. Hell, I’m not exhausted each night from sitting around watching TV all day! It’s seemingly non-stop 20-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, taking care of the kids and the house and my wife. Not necessarily in that order.
Enjoy this time with your kids. You never get it back.
.-= Idaho Dad´s last blog ..I Want My Baby Back =-.
@Idaho Dad, I’m not worrying so much about the negative opinion of others, i’m worrying about the decision we’ve made to significantly reduce the household income.
But It’s not a decision I regret, but it still will have an impact on us.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
@Dan, Ah yes, the money thing. I’ve been worrying about that for 12 years. Never stopped. It’s an ongoing thing. Even though my wife has a good job and our bills are paid on time, it would be nice to fill up the savings account quickly rather than with a trickle.
But that’s the trade-off right now. I’d rather be with the kids, and do our homeschooling thing, than have a bunch of extra money to spend.
Plus, it’s taught us to do without, and to appreciate the things we already have.
.-= Idaho Dad´s last blog ..I Want My Baby Back =-.
I’m a rookie dad who isn’t the breadwinner either, but just knowing that you’re doing everything possible for your family makes it that much easier when you feel that little guilt passing overhead. Working full-time does suck.
.-= Heerow´s last blog ..Newbie =-.
@Heerow, working full time is a plague on society in my oppinion. we should all just have less stuff and work four days max.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
You’re being very sensible. I have experienced a burnout and I tell you it’s not what you want when you’re looking after a child. (I wasn’t.) I’m so happy that more and more people are realising that jobs aren’t the be all and end all of everything. Yay for you and your family! x
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..A meandering post which is about blogging, pregnancy and being a little lost =-.
@Mwa, yes, I could feel it coming and it wasn’t good. I don’t really want to go into it on my blog, but I honestly think that working full time at the job i do now would end up with me going down in flames.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
Good stuff. Gave up work in April when they couldn’t (wouldn’t) give me part-time and never looked back. Kids love it, I love it, Hubbie loves it (although is insanely jealous) and it’s surprising how bearable poverty is when you don’t have to deal with work on top of that. And if you’re rich, then even better…
Enjoy, and stick a brick on for me.
.-= Jinedin´s last blog ..The Mumpreneur Party Circuit =-.
@Jinedin, I’m still working, and to be fair my job have been very flexible with me over the last five years. But yes, poverty is bekoning :)
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
I think its fab – we have a long term plan of both dropping days so that the girls spend more time with us than with childcare, its a way off at the moment but we’re both working towards it
.-= Muddling Along Mummy´s last blog ..Please stop telling me what to do =-.
@Muddling Along Mummy, I think both kerry and my ideal worlds would be us both in jobs we actively enjoy working four days a week each. And that’s not just when the kids are small, that’s the ideal forever really.
This will do for now though
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
1. I am so jealous. Wherever this pot of gold is that you’ve found can you chuck a bit o’er t’ill.
2. Bollox to stigma. Maybe I spend too much time in the Dad blogosphere but such attitudes seem so out of touch with the values most of us here seem to share. You’re a trail-blazer mate! A standard bearer for our kind! (No pressure then, like.)
.-= Steve´s last blog ..Now hear this =-.
@Steve, we have no pot of gold unfortunatly, although Kerry has a well paying job that helps.
I’m not worried about stigma really, and that probably has a lot to do with all the great stay at home dads i know from the net.
.-= Dan´s last blog ..Ten days =-.
it sounds wonderful to me, but the stigma must be difficult to deal with, both your own and others I would imagine. Good luck with it all and just think of how much extra lego building time you get now
.-= Heather´s last blog ..You Know It’s Summer In Lapland When… =-.
@Heather, problem is we can no longer afford to buy lego. Oh why is life so hard?
10 days..sweeet!
I can start breathing again after the 18th of June, then it’s just only work that occupies my free time (30 hours too many)
.-= Arjan´s last blog ..Youtube saturday: The new pornographers – Your hands (together) =-.
@Arjan, you are a modern marvel.
I completely understand the work stress issue. I am battling it myself recently. The week we had off sure helped, but now I am right back into it. Enjoy your time, it is such a bonus to have a spouse who is supportive of a decision that will be better for you.
.-= Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..WW: 1st Star Wars Shirt Edition =-.
@Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father), yes, I’m a lucky man.
I hope your work gets easier man, stress sucks.
Mate, good for you. I certainly think it’s important that your kids grow up having their parents involved more than a babysitter, a nanny, or childcare. Mind you, I dread to think how they’ll turn out if you’re filling their heads with ideas. Shudder.
.-= Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..What’s In A Word? =-.
@Kevin Spencer, yup. As the stay at home parent I can fill Evan’s head with as many Star Wars facts as humanly possible. He’s going to be destined for utter geekdom.
what i love about your post Dan is the last line – I think Dads are so good at just sitting down and PLAYING with their kids. Perhaps its the whole ‘multitasking’ thing that makes many of us mummies not as good at it – i’ve discussed it with a few fellow mums recently and we all confess to wanting to just focus on play but always not being able to ignore the washing/mess/general faffing we feel drawn to get involved with. My other half just sits with our kids and enters their imaginary world, and builds the most awesome lego creations, and the kids gain so much from it. Hurrah for daddies and lego!
@Cuddledryhelen, possibly, although one thing that I still struggle with is that multi-tasking. I have responsibility for the house too and I’ve always struggled with tidyness.
10 days, eh? Bastard.
.-= Holmes´s last blog ..The Innocent Kind =-.
The sting only lasts for about an hour or so. I find that an afternoon beer goes a long way in keeping such things at bay.
.-= Whit´s last blog ..World Where We Live =-.
I think that’s a really brave, smart move. It’s a possibility we’ve broached as well if I don’t manage to find something to move to in the near future (supermum has a possibility) and I have to confess that when I seriously considered it, my heart sank. Tragically, I’ve still got all too much of my identity bound in my job and role as ‘main provider’. Hats off.
.-= Dad Who Writes´s last blog ..(Waiting for the) Booty Call =-.