Makeup and the six year old girl
on May 16 in General by DanOn Friday a number of bloggers including two of my favourites – Barbara and Kirstin, posted pictures of themselves without makeup in order to highlight that true beauty comes from within.
I too posted a picture of myself without makeup, but to be honest this isn’t a particularly unusual thing for me (although I also posted a photo of myself with a chicken on my head, which to be fair is pretty unusual).
However, the issue of cosmetics and beauty is something that I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately.
Recently Amy has become a little obsessed with makeup. She’s constantly plastering he lips with chapstick and pretending various paintbrushes are blusher and eyeshadow applicators. Whenever she buys a magazine from the newsagents she’ll try to go for the one with the makeup free gift, despite the mag being firmly aimed at children five or ten years older than her.
I find the whole thing rather disturbing. Childhood is brief enough as it is and shouldn’t be taken at a sprint. However I’m very much of the school of thought that banning something outright only makes it more attractive, so we have allowed her to experiment somewhat. She even has her own makeup kit full of lip gloss and eye shadow, all now blended by the expert hands of a six year old into a uniform shade of muddy brown.
I do take some solace in the fact that her attraction to makeup comes of the desire to emulate adults rather than a conscious attempt to sexualise herself. But Kerry very rarely wears makeup, a fact Amy pointed out to me herself, and so I do worry about who she’s choosing to pick as a role model.
Actually I suspect that the guiding force of her fascination with makeup aren’t adults at all, but her peers. And I’m also sure that six year old girls have been raiding their mother’s makeup cupboards since the first cavewoman discovered putting burt charcoal on her eyes gave them a certain “smokey” character.
But as a father the premature sexualisation of pre-teen girls is an issue that I am acutely aware of, and will fight tooth an nail to combat in my daughter. However I fear that the enemy – commercially driven popular culture and peer pressure – is stronger than I’ll ever be. And I’m already looking back wistfully on the days when the only thing she was interested in putting on her face was chocolate pudding.
Related posts:
- That’s my girl (?!)
- Can’t believe it’s been a year
- Next year she’s going to Endor
- What’s that all about then?
- Three year old swept away in drain
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My 3 year old wants to wear lipsticks but I gave her coloured chapsticks, explaining to her lipsticks are for grown ups only. So she’s happy with her coloured chapsticks. I guess she wants to play grown up like mommy, seeing me putting on make up on special occasions. She did ask for brush, eye shadow, even moisturiser for her face etc … For blusher and eye shadow, I used to fake it until she got smarter and told me one day ‘mom, there’s nothing on my face. I want my cheeks to be pink like yours.’ She has also been raiding my jewellery box, putting on necklaces and earrings. She just asked me this morning ‘Mom, can I have my ears pierced like yours?’ :p
.-= The Cooking Ninja´s last blog ..Cuban Roast Pork & Black Beans (Frijoles Negros) =-.
@The Cooking Ninja, it’s a difficult balance isn’t it.
On one hand you don’t want to be too restrictive, and on the other you don’t want to encourage it. At least that’s how I feel about it.
I’m al for natural, but please don’t shave the hair off girls..it hasn’t much to do with going without make up (although you could argue the whole peer-pressure to have long hair thing..but shaving it off…)
Sometimes I realize how easy it sometimes is for (us) men. Shaving daily or once every 2 days is about all I have to do to look my awesome self (I keep telling myself the awesome part of course) because I and others are used to it.
Although you could consider putting gel in your hair as ‘make-up’ ..I do have gel-less days though.
.-= Arjan´s last blog ..Youtube Saturday: Blue Öyster Cult – Me 262 =-.
@Arjan, I never shave at all :)
@Dan, you’ve posted photographic proof that tells otherwise :P
Dan, this is something I worry about too, as you may have gathered. Anna is curious about make-up and asked for a make-up kit for Christmas last year, which I reluctantly got her, but she has since shown little interest in actually using it. She knows I won’t let her wear it to school or out of the house so I think she grew bored and gave up. She’s never been terribly girly, so maybe we’ll escape unscathed.
I continue to hope that as long as I embrace my own body as is without feeling the need to hide/alter it, she will learn to feel confident about hers. It’s the only weapon we have against the tidalwave of negative media images out there, I fear.
P.S. Both your links lead to JoBart (and what a lovely blog that is)
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Bloggers without makeup, a deconstruction =-.
@Kristin, We let Amy put it on in the house, but won’t let her go out in it. I think it’s a reasonable compromise.
Honestly Dan,
This is the least of my worries when it comes to premature sexualisation of girls. I think a bit of fancy dress – make up, heels, shiny clothes are all fun and normal and really should be encouraged. My daughter (5) is right into it and although I do put my foot down with the heels. I allow her the freedom to go out feeling fab at five in pretty much whatever she likes.
I have to say, that I also had a similar episode with my son, which lasted several months. He would only go out dressed as a girl with make up on. He demanded the make up and even had some heels (again, he wasn’t allowed out in them either). It went on for a long time – a lot longer than my husband’s pals were happy with. But he came out the other side. Obviously, he now hates to be reminded of his days as “Hannah”. But we share a secret smirk at his transvestite phase.
I feel that this is healthy, normal experimentation. Children learn by copying the world around them, it’s important they do this. They will find their own way in life, based on their own moral compass not on the amount of colour above their eyes. I think that’s where my job lies, not in dictating whether of not they can slap some sparkle to their eyes, (cheeks, nose, chin, neck, clothes and carpet).
Wearing make up doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself. Let’s get over the externals of what people are. People are deeply complicated and the colour of their cheeks/lips or skin, far from defines them.
Pre-teens modeling adult womens clothes and underwear for the glossies – now there’s something I’m much more concerned about. Girls who look underage appearing in porn, yes, I’m very concerned.
@Hari, I can see where you are coming from, and I also know that father’s tend to worry about this sort of stuff more than women.
But I also disagree with you to some extent. I don’t want Amy to overvalue the importance of external appearance, and I believe that ultimately under it all the prime reason to wear makeup isn’t for yourself, it’s to impress others.
Cultural forces such as Bratz, jeans with “Babe” printed across the arse, and six year olds wearing makeup contribute to the increasing sexualisation of our children.
I keep trying to write an intelligent comment and all I can think of is you with a chicken on your head.
Thanks.
@Barbara, I can send you a signed photo if you like.
@Dan, Really? Go on then.
.-= Barbara´s last blog ..Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary =-.
Thank you for this post Dan. At a young age girls can be set on a path that can take a lifetime to get away from. I used to have an aunt who would put on make-up and get dressed in her finest just to put a letter in the mail box at the end of her street! It is great that Amy has Kerry around to show her how life can be.
Again, thank you.
@Susan, exactly, that’s the sort of stuff that concerns me. I’m not saying that putting makeup on as a six year old would eventually end up like that, but every small step is still a step.
Fair enough. I agree our kids need all the good role modeling they can get. I have to say I’m a bit shocked at some of the lyrics I hear my daughter singing. I don’t even know where she hears it in the first place. Thank god she gets most of the words wrong, is all I can say. And, I have banned the music channels on the TV – total soft porn. Shocking stuff.
xx
.-= Hari´s last blog ..Letter of Complaint: Clairvoyants =-.
@Hari, I agree completely about music channels. I’m no prude – but some of them are beyond belief.
I’ve stopped taking the kids to a local play gym that has one on constantly on the Giant monitors. I can’t work out how they think it’s appropriate.
I think fathers do seem to worry about this more (generalising, of course!). I let Rosemary have some bits of my make-up when I’m putting it on (foundation, blusher and she can have some lipsalve), but she’s not allowed lipstick or eye make-up (the latter more because I’m worried about her poking her eyes out!). But one time I let her have some coloured, flavoured lipsalve and Chris was concerned that that’s just like lipstick.
The trouble, for me, is that if I’m putting make-up on I realise that it’s completely understandable for her to want to do so, too. If I really don’t want her to be interested in make-up I need to stop wearing it myself, and I’m not prepared to do that.
What I really dislike is the Lelly Kelly (or however it’s spelt) shoes that come with little make-up mobile phones (what on Earth?). The adverts are really annoying and there are at least two girls in Rosemary’s pre-school class who have them and now every time the advert comes on she says ‘X has those. I want som.’ And every time we say ‘Make-ups for grown-ups,’ she says ‘But X isn’t a grown-up. She’s a child and she has thm.’ Arrrrgh!
.-= Tasha (Coding Mamma)´s last blog ..What kind of playdate? =-.
@Tasha (Coding Mamma), you are right in that I think Father’s tend to have a more prudish attitude to this sort of stuff than mothers. I suspect that men are of the opinion that the only reason to wear makeup is to look desirable to men (a oppinion that I share to be honest – I know some people feel it’s empowering, but I find those arguments as difficult to come to terms with as ones saying burkas are empowering).
I wouln’t object so much though if Kerry wore makeup, and amy was copying her. But she doesn’t, and so her rolemodels are coming from elsewhere.
Love that picture.
Interesting because I have two daughters. One almost 13 who has no interest in anything of the girly variety and my almost 4 year ols who loves jewelry and lipstick. Makes you wonder.
.-= Susie´s last blog ..A Short Visit Is Better Than No Visit =-.
@Susie, We have some friends with girls of similarly big age gaps and they are convinced the cultural pressures are much more acute now then they were.
I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s interesting to think about.
My own opinion is that sexualised clothing and adnornments for little girls are in fairly bad taste – although dressing up and experimenting at home I will accept is fun and perhaps no big deal. I can remember my own mother painting my nails for me when I was little and really loving that shared ‘girliness’.
Where I think we need to be careful is in connecting these things with an increased risk of children being abused sexually. An adult who has a desire to sexually abuse will do so regardless of what the child is wearing. An adult who is not attracted to children does not suddenly become so simply because they see a child with a bit of lipstick on.
What really bothers me is the tabloid newspapers who will feature a picture of a very young woman scantily clad in a school uniform on their front page, only to then feature an hysterical article about paedophiles on the next page. WTF?
.-= Gappy´s last blog ..Mugabes Ark =-.
@Gappy, I completely agree – I don’t think this has anything to do with the increase in risk of abuse, certainly not in pre-teen girls anyhow. It’s the child’s own perception of sexuality and the need to conform to a highly sexualised norm that worries me.
I don’t own any make-up but my two year old is already fascinated by the fact that her aunty has such red lips. She thinks they’re naturally like that, though.
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..A penis by any other name =-.
Hilarious picture. What a cutie. I always prefer the natural look which is good because Mrs. LIAYF doesn’t wear much makeup at all.
I’m gald I don’t have to deal with such issues, having a boy. At least I certainly hope I won’t.
.-= Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)´s last blog ..The Poke =-.
she is an artist
I’ve said it before. I always thought I wanted girls, but I’m glad I wound up with boys. That being said, this hypersexualisation of society isn’t going to do the boys any good either. Unreasonable expectations, etc.
.-= A Free Man´s last blog ..May my love reach you all =-.