In my job I often have to deal with some of the most vicious, hostile, and officious people on the face of the earth. GP receptionists. There is no other profession where obstructiveness, unhelpfulness, and sheer bloody mindedness is a prerequisite of the post.
But even that group of individuals is not a patch on my kids when it comes to causing chaos and confusion on the telephone.
Amy and Evan have recently taken to battling with each other to answer the phone whenever it rings. On many levels this is a good thing – the phone is rarely for me and it means I don’t have to get off my arse to answer it. However it does cause some problems when I’m trying to ring in:
Evan: Hello?
Dan: Hello Evan! Is Mummy there?
Evan: Yes. (hangs up)
Or if Amy answers the phone:
Amy: Hello?
Dan: Hello Amy! Is Mummy there?
Amy: Why do you want her?
Dan: I need to ask her about…. well, it’s complicated sweetheart. Can you just get her for me?
Amy: What are you going to say to her?
Dan: I can’t really explain it to you right no because I’m at work. Can I talk to her?
Amy: What are you going to talk to her about?
And so on
Still, it’s probably worth it for all those occasions when the kids answer the phone to someone trying to sell us something. On those occasions I just sit back and chuckle to myself as the verbal mayhem commences. Sure, I only get to hear one side of the conversation, but that’s enough to provide me with comedy gold:
Evan: Hello?
….
Evan: Who is it?
….
Evan: I’ve got some dinosaurs.
….
Evan: Yes Daddy is here. T Rexs have big teeth. I’m wearing shoes today.
To be honest it’s almost worth getting my number listed on a few direct marketing lists for.
On another note I thought it was about time I gave the Midnight Movie Club Podcast another plug.
This week Lee and I have been discussing the Academy Awards. But not the 2010 awards. Oh no, we’re far too wild and crazy for that. We’re actually discussing the Oscars from 1990. I know, we’re mavericks! Take that Hollywood, we’re not going to play by your rules. You can’t tell the Midnight Movie Club what to do daddy-o!
So anyway, feel free to join us on our review of the 1990 Academy Awards where:
- Dan can’t remember the name, actors or characters of 90% of the films he talks about.
- Lee gives a insightful and stunningly accurate rundown of the nominees for 1990′s Best Documentary Award.
- Lee and Dan perform a virtuoso duet of a medley of hits from The Little Mermaid.
It’s the podcast all the cool kids are describing as “An inspired idea, marred by boring bits, but punctuated by moments of sheer hilarity”.
Check it out below. And if you don’t have the time to listen to it now you could always subscribe to us on iTunes.
Love it – there is only one thing worse for a caller when a child answers the phone I think and that is when there’s a child on the answer phone! xx
Linda´s last blog ..Remember this? Mike Reid: "Runaround……Now!"
You should pimp Evan as a screening service, record what he says then use some clever device to recognise junk calls, and voila, mini Hughes pre-recorded kicks in. It’s a winner i tell you.
Ian´s last blog ..I am that retarded
@Ian, I could use it whenever you call.
You have also reminded me of prank calls by older children for some reason, when I was little there was one that went round and they were supposed to say “Is Mrs Wall there?” then “Is Mr Wall there?” and when you said no, “Are there any walls there?” and something supposedly amusing about the house falling down.
Linda´s last blog ..Remember this? Mike Reid: "Runaround……Now!"
@Linda, I shall have to post about my epic phone prank I used to play when I was 15. In fact I’m wondering if I’ve allready posted about it…
@Linda, ah yes, here it is:
http://allthatcomeswithit.com/archives/563
@Dan,
Oh dear! Even the thought of sitting on a roof is too much for me…
I remember also my pathetic attempt at ‘undercover reporting’ when I had to ring a double glazing showroom and pose as a genuine customer. I was terrified and crap at it.
Linda´s last blog ..So excited…about work
Priceless. The boys just pick up the phone and chat to whoever is at the other end. I love the little conversations your two have and Amy well I guess she is a typical woman in the making
The Mad House´s last blog ..Under Pressure
@The Mad House, Evan tends to approach random people in the supermarket and have a chat about whatever happens to be on his mind at that moment.
“There is no other profession where obstructiveness, unhelpfulness, and sheer bloody mindedness is a prerequisite of the post.”
Surely all the best GP receptionists graduate to become insurance claims agents?
Steve´s last blog ..Topical Tuesday: Dangerous dogs
@Steve, I never thought of that. Or possibly people on ISP helplines
hehehe.
That is all :D
Catherine´s last blog ..Swingin’ for the gallery
Fabulous! I do this to my mother when she calls and i haven’t go the time to talk. they can natter away for hours – i’m never sure at which point she puts the down.
Heather´s last blog ..Do You Believe In Ghosts?
@Heather, I am unfortunately not able to reply witht he comment i’d like to here as my mother-in-law reads this blog.
Damn it. I’ve stopped my two picking up the phone – what was I thinking.
From now on they are my answer service – can’t WAIT for those survey people to phone us now . . . .
Tara´s last blog ..Why I want to visit my son’s headteacher and tell her she’s an a**
@Tara, the best thing is when they eventually say they are going to get you, you just leave the phone off the hook and see how long it is until they hang up.
With you on the receptionists – ours seem to think they need to know the problem before they’ll book you in…
Muddling along mummy ´s last blog ..Stand well back, I feel a rant coming on
@Muddling along mummy, yes, they are a bunch of swine.
Marvellous! Chuckled alot at your old phone prank post too. You were a twisted evil genius.
I’ve so far managed to stop my 3 year old answering the phone, but should it ring and the number be ‘Not Available’ I just night let him have a whirl…
:D
Insomniac Mummy´s last blog ..Hot or not?
@Insomniac Mummy, it’s a lot of fun I can assure you.
The way Evan answers the phone – that’s how I am at work.
Watch him, he could grow up just like me.
Rol´s last blog ..Rainbow Songs – Pink
@Rol, I wonder if it’s too late to have him adopted.
I let my three year old answer my telephone one time. I said, “If the phone rings while I’m in the shower… You can answer it.”
But it was only because I knew who was calling.
….I created a monster.
“You. Have a shower.” She says, “I am gunna ANSWER THE PHONE.”
@LindsayDianne, My kids know that would never work on me – mainly because I only shower every third week.
@Dan, lol, nice. Very nice.
This is hilarious! I love the fact that Amy grills you when she answers the phone. And everything you say about GP receptionists is so true.
Rosie Scribble´s last blog ..Otherwise engaged
@Rosie Scribble, Amy, quite correctly, ranks herself second in command in our household. I come somewhere behind the chickens.
I’m with you on the dr’s receptionist thing and they particularly hate me because of my job. sigh. Loved the examples of your children’s ‘phone speak’, brilliant.
DJ Kirkby´s last blog ..Full House Friday
@DJ Kirkby, there are a couple of reasonable ones. But on the whole I’m pretty sure most of them are sociopaths.
Ah, am teaching my 5-yr-old to answer the phone today. Why haven’t I thought of this before?
Kristin´s last blog ..Hey, it’s Pi Day
@Kristin, If you can get them to respond to emails too then you have a foolproof “work at home” system.
What if it’s someone researching dinosaurs’ teeth? He obviously got the right person on the phone.
People in the Sun´s last blog ..Getting Ready
@People in the Sun, I never thought of that. Thinking about it I’m pretty sure i gave my number to an paleontologist the other day too…
Some excellent thoughts. There is a lot you can change to bring down your van insurance premium; easy changes such as improving security. People often look around for the cheapest van insurance estimate. Actually if you did simple things to become less risky, you’d probably save just as much cash.
Ha! Well, try living in America, where the GP receptionists are not only all the things you describe the English ones as, but they also ask what you want an appointment for, before they make it for you. The thin pretext for this is that blocks of time are allocated for different appointments. But WE ALL KNOW it’s because they are nosy and want to know if you’re just coming in for an annual cervical smear test, or whether you will be discussing with the doctor which plastic surgeon he would recommend for your boob job.
Iota´s last blog ..Thoughts on blogging
@Iota, The receptionists here do that now too. Although I don’t think they hide the fact it’s just for the sake of being nosey.