My sister’s favorite film is Chicken Run. Or at least it was last time I discussed such things with her, which granted was around seven years ago now.
To be honest she may have moved on by now, but I am loathe to ask as whatever she designates as good I am duty bound to pore scorn and derision on. There is always the risk, however small, that she may have switched her allegiance to something really cool like Iron Man or Batman Begins, and I really don’t want to have to start hating hose movies.
So my sister likes Chicken Run and therefor, by default, I don’t. But now even if I she didn’t I’d still hold a grudge against Nick Park and his plasticine Gallus gallus domesticus (that’s Latin for chicken don’t you know). I’m pretty sure my chickens have been sneaking into the house and sticking it in the DVD player whilst we’re asleep.
We’ve already established that my chicken’s, lead by the dastardly yet charismatic Beryl, are plotting to take over the world. But now they seem to be getting bolder. Not only are they jumping the fence into next doors garden, but I am regularly finding them destroying the shrubbery of gardens two, or even three, doors down.
At this rate of expansion they will be catching the train into Manchester by the end of the month. Just look at the little buggers trying to figure out how to drive the car.
The charismatic Beryl (or “the white one”) may be the leader of the Sinister Six, but it’s the one named Evel Knievel who is the chair of the escape committee. It’s her who devises the elaborate plots to foil my intricate state of the art containment systems (bits of wire nailed to bits of wood). She is the Q to Beryl’s Bond, and as such must never be underestimated.
Just look at her. She even looks like an evil genius. Have you ever seen such a unattractive chicken in your life?
I saw yesterday that The Holmes is about to take the leap into chicken ownership. Perhaps we both need to get in contact with John. Maybe one of his chicken keeping courses cover how to handle birds bent on world domination.
You fiend. Her beauty is on the inside.
You wanna get some guinea fowls. Now THEY’RE ugly.
Rol´s last blog ..In Search Of Galactus
@Rol,
rol,
guinea fowl are the most beautiful birds in the world!!
@john Gray, I’m not sure about the world, but i like their plumage. Haven’t studied one nose to nose.
@Rol, she started off a cute little chick, but her evilness twisted her features.
that is one ugly chicken. I really want to keep chickens here but the husband tells me we can’t, they’ll get eaten by the crazy wildlife we have out here. Though reading your stories now, i’m a little bit glad we dont have any.
Heather´s last blog ..My First Naked Party
@Heather, I’d imagine it would be a little too cold for them where you are wouldn’t it. Mine certainly weren’t happy about the snow over the Christmas period.
“At this rate of expansion they will be catching the train into Manchester by the end of the month.”
Oi! You keep them chickens on t’other side of Pennines, right!
And there’s an Iron Man film? Presumably too old for my son to indulge his new passion?
Steve´s last blog ..Topical Tuesday: A Bridge Too Far?
@Steve, Iron man rules. Oliver would be too young I think, but you should check it out.
Evil chickens….hummmm….. there are a few around believe me……out of 59 chickens I have 2 bad “eggs” Both females, both aggressive and both bright as the artfull dodger from OLIVER TWISt.
can’t believe you let your hens on your car!!
chicken shit can strip the hide from james
Cameron’s aliens!
teehee
johnGray “Chicken expert”´s last blog ..Bullying
@johnGray “Chicken expert”, I don’t let them on my car.
I need better fencing.
I’ve been with worse.
Ian´s last blog ..You might want to look away, now
@Ian, I don’t want to hear with it.
I thought you might enjoy this story from Sky News…
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Strange-News/Poultry-Revenge-Chickens-Kill-Fox-After-Animal-Breaks-Into-Coop-In-Basildon-Garden/Article/201003115566323?lpos=Strange_News_Carousel_Region_4&lid=ARTICLE_15566323_Poultry_Revenge%3A_Chickens_Kill_Fox_After_Animal_Breaks_Into_Coop_In_Basildon_Garden
@Nota Bene, enjoy? It terrified me. I’m going to fit a few more locks on my door.
See, they know you’re a bunch of lily-livered vegetarians so they’re laughing at you in their cell meetings.
Maybe you can put some fear into them by exclaiming loudly as you have your next plate of quorn on toast: “Mmmmm! This tastes just like chicken! You know honey, there’s nothing like a delicious chicken dinner. Where’s my axe?”
A few strategically placed portraits of Colonel Sanders around the house might get them back in line too.
JJ Daddy-O´s last blog ..Sugar and spice…
@JJ Daddy-O, I’m not a vegetarian! Although, you’re right in that Kerry is. Plus I have taken three of the roosters to “live on another farm” so they should realise I mean business.
Ha, your chickens attack your neighbour’s gardens? Mate, you must be the most popular man on your street. Lucky.
Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..Stormin’ Norman’s Clone Army
@Kevin Spencer, I try to pacify them with eggs, which is working to a point. But the backlash is possibly coming.
take them on the walk..we need to eat something don’t we?
Arjan´s last blog ..Micmacs à tire la larigot
@Arjan, ok – but you’re bloody carrying them.
@Dan, shouldn’t be necessary..they’re already explorers..I’ll just to convince *cough* force*cough* them to walk in front of me.
@Arjan, yeah, good luck with that.
You know, I was wondering how your chickens are. Could their evil plotting be rebellion for leaving them out in the cold?
@Erin @ Fierce Beagle, possibly; although to be fair they were plotting before then too.
As a reformed chicken owner I can only say that you are in for trouble. Evil chickens are not to be trusted.
Whit´s last blog ..Some Tangled Webs Weave Themselves
@Whit, I knew i should have gone with ducks. Ducks are intrinsically good.
If all goes as planned, which of course it won’t, I expect to have the coop finished by the close of this weekend. Then it’s chicken time. Then after lunch, we’ll go get some chicks. I had no idea they could be so devious.
Holmes´s last blog ..How To Ruin A Perfectly Good Blog Post Before Typing A Single Word
@Holmes, are you getting chicks or adult hens? Because if you get chicks remember you are going to have to deal with any surplus of roosters. Not pleasant
We’re currently between chickens (thank you Mr Fox) but our last lot weren’t normal chickens – they were definitely plotting to come in and take over the house so I know where you’re coming from !
Muddling Along Mummy´s last blog ..Getting my mojo back – let’s talk about sex…
@Muddling Along Mummy, ours keep coming in whenever the door is open and pecking at the wallpaper. The little buggers.
I like that black chicken!
Mwa´s last blog ..Curve ball
@Mwa, really? You have a strange taste in chickens.
Yes she has a look of a twisty faced spinster doesn’t she?
You still got snow up your way Dan?
You’re right – that’s a seriously ugly chicken.
dadwhowrites´s last blog ..Hadrian’s Walkers and the Joseph Salmon Trust
Ducks should not be trusted either. Have you never read “Click, Clack, Moo”!
Ed´s last blog ..I’m the Sort of Thing They Ban
Yes, well, if your wife starts building a pie factory next door Beryl and co. best step up the escapage plans.
Kristin´s last blog ..A little something off my chest
AWWWWWW! i’m telling leigh hancock on you!!!
Don’t they scratch the holy hell out of your car with those little chicken talons?
A Free Man´s last blog ..He’s the hairy, hairy gent, who ran amok in Kent.
Oh my God Dan that chicken is frightening. Was she always that scary or have you clipped more than her wings? She looks like she’s wearing a very strange hat. As for the two on the car? Yep, I’d be worried.
Jo Beaufoix´s last blog ..A Number Two for Tara