As part of our recent trip down to London we went out for lunch with my old friend Rob and his wife and child.
You may remember Rob from such exploits as him ironing his underpants, being a amateur football referee, appearing on TV quiz show Countdown, and having me saving him from killing himself with a toaster. In short, Rob’s a weirdo.
He does have some shreds of common sense though: for example he named his first born son after me. Oh sure, he says he just likes the name Daniel, but we all know the truth. He idolizes me.
That aside though, the man is a freak. He supports Walsall football club for gods sake. Everyone knows that Walsall is just a strange way of pronouncing Birmingham.
His status as an aberration of nature was well and truly confirmed for us in London. It all started when he ordered milkshake. So far, so good. Everyone likes milkshake don’t they, nothing wrong with that.
He did order a lime milkshake, which made my stomach flip a little bit. Something to do with memories of milk curdling when mixed with orange juice I imagine. But I wasn’t judging him. Hey, if a man wants to drink a lime milkshake then let him drink a lime milkshake. Live and let live, that’s my motto. As long as he doesn’t then put it into a coconut then we’re golden.
However, his wife then told us that Rob likes milkshake so much that he often makes his own at home. But instead of using nesquik or crusha or some other designated milkshake creating product, Rob simply adds squash to milk. Yes, squash. you know – cordial, juice, this stuff:
Have you ever heard anything more revolting in your life. Surely there must be some sort of law against this kind of thing? Can we honestly call ourselves a civilized society when a grown man pores this foul concoction down his gullet? Something must be done. He must be stopped. Write to the your MP, write to your MEP, write to the Times. This cannot, cannot be allowed to continue.
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on Aug 28th, 2009 at 9:45 am
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on Aug 28th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Your post has brought to mind the day twenty or so years ago when I was instructed to shop by a wife of my aquaintence, to shop for fresh orange she sent me, quite an easy task you’d imagine.
I brought home eight cartons of a new brand of breakfast orange drink that they were trying out, eight cartons for the price of one “real” breakfast orange.
It was a milk based drink, with orange juice mixed in.
It wasn’t orange flavoured milk, it was much water-ry-er than that, in short it was awful, indeed it was never produced in any sort of quantity after that, I think they just made the eight cartons for a joke to see if anyone would be tight enough to buy them as an “eight for one” sort of bargain.
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on Aug 29th, 2009 at 9:41 am
It seems you are collecting Walsall fans. Do you want me to give your card to the other two?
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And you forgot that your MIL reads my blog, so that’s three.
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