Eggs

Aug 20th, 2009

by Dan.

My chickens are currently laying about four eggs a day, which is more than enough to feed my two a day habit. Unfortunately I’m pretty much alone in my egg scoffing here at Hughes Towers. The kids don’t really like them and Kerry, being the picky vegetarian that she is, isn’t keen on eating anything that dropped out of a chickens bottom. Especially a chicken that she’s met face to face.

No, I don’t get the logic of it either. But this is a woman who decided that it would be a good idea to marry me, so I’d rather not challenge her thought processes too closely or she might come to her senses and realize what she’s done.

I have therefore found myself with a surplus of eggs, and so have been distributing them to friends and family like a demented easter bunny. If you know me in real life and haven’t had any foisted on you yet, then rest assured you will eventually.

I’m not giving away any of my double yokers though. I’m getting about two of those a week and they are guarded like the glittering jewels of eggyness that they are.

I do have one serious competitor for the eggs however:

Broodyness is when the natural instinct of a chicken to incubate eggs takes over. Forsaking the prospect of having fun destroying the garden like all the other chickens, this particular hen chooses to spend her time sitting on eggs in a dark box and growling at anyone who lifts the lid.

Yes growl. And what’s more you have to physically wrestle her off the eggs too. No simple shooing will get her to move.

The sad thing is that there isn’t a cockerel in sight, and so even if I wasn’t stealing the eggs from her every day there would be no chance of any of them hatching out. Stupid bloody chicken.

I’m not sure how to break her out of her obsession. The internet recommends moving her to a different coop, but unfortunately I don’t have one. There is also something called a “anti-brooding cage” which, when described, sounds like something found in a Japanese prisoner of war camp. I’m going to give it a few more days of me turfing her out of the nest box every time I pass the coop and then I’ll consider bringing out the anti-brooding cage and the thumb screws.

Stupid bloody chicken.

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Posted in: General.

43 Comments on “Eggs”

#1 Clair
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

You could get in a few fertilised eggs, and let her hatch those. Then you’d have baby chicks!
Clair´s last blog ..Downstairs at the King’s Head – Barry Cryer & Ronnie Golden

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:15 am
@Clair, admittedly that would be cool. But I really don’t need any more chickens, and can’t face disposing of the males again.

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#2 Arjan
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 1:03 pm

I get my eggs from the many many chickens my grandpa has..I can’t eat fast enough for them to rot (in or not yet in my stomach).

I’d say: get a zap-machine..everytime the chicken sits down..ZAP! she gets shocked..oh wait..that’s torturing ;)
Arjan´s last blog ..Good and bad news

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:16 am
@Arjan, the problem is that would make the other chickens stop going into the nest box to lay – and I really don’t want to search the garden every day for eggs!

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#3 Nota Bene
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Let them eat cake!…Yes that’s what you must do with the eggs. Or meringues. I’m with Kerry…my mother had a chicken, quite put me off eggs for years
Nota Bene´s last blog ..Brookies back

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:18 am
@Nota Bene, Meringues send my kids absolutely loopy for some reason. Completely hyperactive. Must be the high levels of sugar.

But cakes is a good idea. Only I’m dieting so I’m not sure if putting temptation so close to me is such a good idea.

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#4 Topchamp
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

How can you tell a double-yolker? Size?
Topchamp´s last blog ..Letter Writing Question – help required

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:18 am
@Topchamp, basically yes, but I’ll do a explanatory post on it next time I get one.

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#5 Xbox4NappyRash
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Would a local shop not have them?
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Purely hypothetical, naturally…

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:19 am
@Xbox4NappyRash, I think there are probably some hygiene rules about selling them in a shop. I think you can get away with selling them to friends and neighbours, but I quite like giving them away free to be honest.

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#6 Xbox4NappyRash
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 1:35 pm

By ‘have them’, I mean take them from you, in my own mangled English.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Purely hypothetical, naturally…

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:19 am
@Xbox4NappyRash, you people speak English now?

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Xbox4NappyRash Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 11:56 am
@Dan, a side effect of 800 years of opression…
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Purely hypothetical, naturally…

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:48 pm
@Xbox4NappyRash, but oppression is what England does best.

Oh, alright. Oppression is what England did best.

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Xbox4NappyRash Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 10:51 pm
@Dan, Which leads to the inevitable question…

What does England do best now?
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Purely hypothetical, naturally…

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#7 JJ Daddy-O
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 2:05 pm

My kids aren’t huge fans of eggs straight up, but they sure like french toast or egg burritos in the morning.

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#8 Kelloggsville
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 3:32 pm

I would also really like to know how you tell a double yolker. I reckon a scrambled egg fresh from the hen is just the nicest breakfast. My daughter likes eggy-bread.
Kelloggsville´s last blog ..Neighbours – everybody needs good neighbours

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:21 am
@Kelloggsville, it’s about size and the misshapen look of it. But I’ll do a post on one next time I get one.

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#9 Ed
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 4:20 pm

What about a the toilet nest? She drops the egg and it gently rolls down a chute where it waits for you. The stupid hen can sit up there all she wants and you never have to worry about her.
Ed´s last blog ..Chasing Butterflies

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:28 am
@Ed, it’s not getting the eggs that’s the problem really. I can chuck her off there no worries. I just feel bad for her sitting therre all day for no reason.

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#10 Kevin Spencer
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 7:20 pm

Well I can honestly say I’ve learned something new today. Chickens growl. Thanks mate. You’re alright you are.
Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..Lazy Wednesday Night Pics

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JJ Daddy-O Reply:
August 20th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
@Kevin Spencer, Maybe Dan got sent a “special” batch of eggs from the breeder:
“Igor, which batch of eggs did you send to that Hughes guy?”
“Hmm, they were called abby something… ”
JJ Daddy-O´s last blog ..What I was doing this past April….

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:29 am
@JJ Daddy-O, now you come to think of it his assistant did have a bit of a funny looking back.

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:28 am
@Kevin Spencer, You’ve grown a beard!

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Kevin Spencer Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@Dan, I have indeed mate. Had it for months, the g/f likes it. I’m undecided at the moment ;-)
Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..The Cure Hidden Gems

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Dan Reply:
August 22nd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
@Kevin Spencer, a beard? Moving in with kids? sounds like there’s a bit of hero worship going on here. what’s next, chickens?
Dan´s last blog ..Eggs

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#11 SingleParentDad
on Aug 20th, 2009 at 8:22 pm

I am also interested in Topchamp’s enquiry.

And can you get them some dummy eggs to brood over, they are stupid, as you said, twice, chickenist.
SingleParentDad´s last blog ..Lost

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:30 am
@SingleParentDad, Dummy eggs would just encourage her to stay broody. Broody hens stop laying, so that’s no good. Plus I feel sorry for her sitting there in the dark.

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#12 Catherine
on Aug 21st, 2009 at 12:00 am

http://www.animalloversweb.com/article_chicken_broody.html

Maybe you have a spare rabbit hutch or something tempoary you could move her to for a bit? A cardboard box?

Here, apparently you can freeze your eggcess (geddit? hehe): http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/get_cooking/cooks_guide/eggs.shtml#storing_and_freezing_eggs

Or lemon curd? Pancakes!
Catherine´s last blog ..Cottonwool kids

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:30 am
@Catherine, I didn’t know lemon curd was made of eggs.

Pancakes are a damn fine idea. Maybe even american style pancakes. Mmmm

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#13 Jo Beaufoix
on Aug 21st, 2009 at 12:22 am

My first thought too was how do you tell a double yoker. And I’m with SPD, give her a fake plastic one, or a large pebble to sit on. Or let her chick sit after the local asbo chicks, there are bound to be some. It might put her off??
Jo Beaufoix´s last blog ..Break Up Make Up

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:31 am
@Jo Beaufoix, I’m gng to do a post on the wonders of the double yokers. And don’t let SPD influence you jo, that man is an idiot.

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#14 Gary
on Aug 21st, 2009 at 7:38 am

I am with Kerry on this issue, I too have long refused to eat anything that drops out of a chickens bottom and I am mystified as to who was the first human who thought it would be a good idea to eat the produce of said bottom.

What you really need now is a fox, you see you’ve started your own little micro-ecology here, you’re over-breeding one species and now you need a control mechanism.

In a few months time you’ll need to control the fox then and so will have to introduce a hunt – you didn’t really think this through properly did you ?
Gary´s last blog ..Days Out For Free In Bradford

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:32 am
@Gary, But what will control the hunt? I don’t fancy a load of crusty haired hunt saboteurs hanging around my garden.

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JJ Daddy-O Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 1:54 pm
@Dan, To control hunt saboteurs, you just release some tigers in your yard. I am sure the ones that wind up in the tiger’s belly will be thrilled to be part of nature’s grand cycle.
To control the tigers all you need is a whip and a chair.
JJ Daddy-O´s last blog ..What I was doing this past April….

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
@JJ Daddy-O, that settles it then. A plan with no drawbacks.

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#15 Barbara
on Aug 21st, 2009 at 8:11 am

I have to say that I’m not keen on the produce of bottoms whether I’ve seen their faces or not!
Barbara´s last blog ..Nuts

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 9:34 am
@Barbara, strictly speaking I suppose eggs come out of vagina’s rather than bottoms. At least i think they do.

I wonder, does anyone do any sex eduction lessons focused on chickens?

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Kelloggsville Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 11:47 am
@Dan,

They come from neither it’s called a Cloaca apparently

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloaca

I can’t believe a blog post actually has me reading up on the reproductive cycle of birds!!

For the truth on eggs read:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Egg

Fascinating and its written on a web page so it must be true!
Kelloggsville´s last blog .."Blimey! Not sure how I feel about that!"

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Dan Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
@Kelloggsville, you know, if I didn’t know better I’d say that Uncyclopdedia is a bit of an untrustworthy source.

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#16 Jeff
on Aug 21st, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Eggscellent comments here. Did I see Adrien Broody up there? Naw… I was just yoking. Please don’t cry fowl on me.

Come on, you have to admit… there’s a serious lack of puns in this thread.
Jeff´s last blog ..I’m back… and you didn’t even know I was gone

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Dan Reply:
August 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 pm
@Jeff, I refuse to get drawn into all that stuff again. Kerry nearly left me last time.
Dan´s last blog ..Eggs

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#17 Erin
on Aug 24th, 2009 at 8:56 pm

I wonder if brooding boxes would work on people.
Erin´s last blog ..We have arrived

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Eggs

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