A bit of reflection
on Aug 13 in General by DanI broke a personal rule yesterday and wrote a post vaguely connected with what I do for a living.
I’ve broken it before, most blatantly in one of the best and most personal posts I’ve ever written. It was all about my difficulty in keeping a grip on my emotions when dealing with cases where child protection is an issue. Don’t bother looking for it as I deleted it about a year ago. I’m far too free and easy about my identity on here to allow myself the luxury of having it sitting in the archives.
If you’re really in the mood for a bit of navel gazing you can read my second most personal post here. Personally I’d recommend against it, I’d go for something a little lighter myself.
Over on Dad Who Writes blog recently Idaho Dad accused me of being:
incredibly honest and interesting and seemingly afraid of nothing.
While that was incredibly gracious of him, I’m not convinced it’s true. Interesting? Perhaps at a real push. But brave and honest?
Well, I’ll give it a go I suppose.
Recently I read a fantastic post by someone worrying that they were a better father on their blog than they were in real life. That they eloquently professed their love for there children to the faceless internet, while to their children they were a sappy and grouchy ogre.
I get that. I’ve done that. I stopped posting for a while because of that.
I’m not in that place any more. Blog Dan is back to being concordant with the Reality Dan, bumbling and incompetent as they both are. Probably the only difference is that Blog Dan is a lot better at interacting with new people. Reality Dan takes a little longer to get up a head of confident wisecracking steam.
So where’s this post going?
Fuck knows.
Time for a bit of rule breaking.
The difficulty with being a psychiatric nurse is the lines you walk. The entire profession is filled with tightropes, some of them thinner than others.
As you know, my job essentially boils down to assessing risk and making decisions. If you tell your GP you feel suicidal, they will ring me to work out what to do. If you turn up at the police station claiming your neighbors bugging your house and sending radiation through the walls then they will ring me. If you take an overdose and need your stomach pumping then the hospital ward will ring me.
Well, me or another member of the team I work in. But you get the idea.
I’ll go out and talk to you. Sometimes I bring a doctor with me, but more often I’ll come alone. We’ll talk about how you’re feeling, what you believe, about what’s happened to you in the past and what you see happening in the future. and then I’ll decided what to do with you. Do you need to go to hospital? Do we need to see you again tomorrow? Or do I just send you home with a few leaflets and advice about what to do if you start feeling that way again?
And then, after I’ve seen maybe one or two more people in similar situations to you I go home and try to get to sleep without worrying. Have I made the right decisions today? Will that person be OK? What will happen to them if things go wrong? What will happen to me if things go wrong?
That’s the tightrope a mental health nurse walks. You need to care, but you need to be able to go home and put it out of your mind too. Slip one way and you become cynical, callous, and uncaring. You’re not only a shit nurse, but you’re a shit human being too. Slip the other way and you burn out, becoming a twitching shell of your former self no use to anyone.
I walk that tightrope pretty well. I’ve been doing this nearly eight years and haven’t slipped once. I’ve been close a couple of times, but have always steadied myself.
Just like an acrobat has his pole, I have my family. Kerry, Amy, Evan. They keep me stable. This blog too, to a lesser extent. That’s the reason behind the self imposed work discussion ban here. To keep things separate. Well, that and I’d probably get the sack.
So why am I writing this now? I don’t know to be honest. Maybe it’s Dad Who Writes recent call to arms. Maybe I’m trying to aspire to Idaho dad’s high opinion of me. Or maybe you just need to get this shit out of your system now and again.
It’s probably got more to do with me seeking attention really. When I write it down my job seems glamorous even to me. In reality I spend most of my days either wishing something exciting would happen or wishing something boring would happen.
Ah well, that’s enough of that.
Back to the usual bollocks tomorrow I promise.
Related posts:
- Dancing in the dark
- What is it with our children and lung problems?
- Donuts
- You need to be a special person
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You’re right. Reality is nice in small doses. But bollocks are much more fun.
Don’t worry about my high opinion of you. We’ll be meeting face to face soon enough.
@Idaho Dad, this post is sort of a replacement for one I really want to write. It sounds personal, but at it’s heart isn’t really.
What I’m saying is the bollocks is probably more honest than this anyhow.
I actually feel a bit of an arse for bringing up your comment at all. Sorry mate.
I’ve read more expletives from you in the last week than in the previous 100 or so I’ve been reading. I hope that whatever it is that is pushing your buttons lately is only temporary and you kick it’s arse.
I’ve had periods where I’ve been ‘fabulous’ online, and a waste of space in real life.
All the best.
.-= Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Things to come =-.
@Xbox4NappyRash, You’re a perceptive man. Ever thought of a career in mental health?
I’m in the process of kicking it’s arse, and such things are always temporary.
@Dan,
You’d be amazed what you can extract from the written word, someone choosing certain terms over others, shorter or longer sentences, punctuation, all can geniunely reflect a change in mood even when you think it’s concealed.
I’ve enough struggles managing my own mental health, never mind anyone else’s.
Good to hear though, give it a kick for me.
.-= Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Things to come =-.
Dan I couldn’t do your job, but I’m so glad there are people out there who can. Having met you and your family I just think you come over as a good bloke, but that’s what I always thought, even before I met you. Now when I think about the decisions you face day to day I feel even more admiration for you. No wonder you enjoy painting little figurines, playing tiny stringed instruments and beautifying chickens. Stuff like that, along with having a gorgeous family help you get through the bollocks don’t they.
I’ve been pondering over the last few days about my life, my future, blogging, etc so this post is timely for me and I’ll be popping over to read the other two links. But one thing I realised today is that I blog for fun, and it’s not been fun the last few weeks. I’m planning on changing that though, because quite often my mood when I write can change the way I’m feeling in real life. I suppose what I’m saying is that many of us blog as a form of escapism as well as other stuff, and I’m so bloody glad we can. It’s good to get it out and all that. Take care.
.-= Jo Beaufoix´s last blog ..Have you seen my silly? =-.
@Jo Beaufoix, I blame that top hundered list. Seriously.
I made jokes about it, but I was chuffed about being number 7. Then I dropped down to 21 and was surprised about how relieved I was.
there is a growing trend in UK parent blogging circles for blogs to become commercial affairs. That’s fine for those who want to do it, but it’s not what I started this thing for.
After this blu-ray ambassador thing is over I am seriously considering drawing a complete line under the PR thing. Think Parents have been nothing but wonderful and generous, but I still feel just a little bit polluted.
I’m not a journalist. If anything I’m an author. But really I’m neither, I’m just a blogger.
All of which has nothing to do with this post. But by saying it here I can avoid doing another boring serious post.
Dan, I read your blog because it resonates with what feels like truth to me. That, and the fact that the way you write reminds me of John Peel.
I’m a big fan of reality and the small things are probably a higher order of reality than the big ones, most days of the week (ie chickens and Blood Bowl). Thing is, your posts always read like you put the whole of yourself into them, this one no less than the chickens. It’s just that on this occasion, it’s more visible.
I’m rambling (oh, how unusual). What I mean to say is, it’s probably time for some of that wussy southern pear cider. And to crack on. Meanwhile, thank god people like you are doing your job.
.-= dadwhowrites´s last blog ..Working Lunch #1 =-.
@dadwhowrites, as i said to xbox, this isn’t really an honest post. It’s sort of a substitute for a post that I would be writing if no one read the blog. I sat down and it came out and I hit publish. Which I regret now as it seems a little attention seeking a coupel of hours (and a tasty curry) later.
I’ve also edited your comment I’m afraid. When you compare it to what you originally wrote you’ll understand why.
@Dan, Oops! See what you mean!
.-= dadwhowrites´s last blog ..Working Lunch #1 =-.
I reckon you should stick to the geek posts :)
@Craig, you are probably right.
Wow, that is quite the stressful tightrope actually. To be honest I really don’t think my brain works in the required manner for a job like that. So good for you mate for being able to walk said tightrope.
Just like an acrobat has his pole…
That doesn’t sound right at all.
.-= Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..Run Fatboy Run =-.
@Kevin Spencer, I’m being a little dramatic to be honest. My job isn’t as glamerous or as stressful as it sounds. It has it’s moments I admit, but often the decisions are pretty easy to make once you know what you are doing.
I’m just confused.
.-= Ed (zoesdad)´s last blog ..The $2 Question—Where’s Zoë? =-.
@Ed (zoesdad), tell me about ir. some guy keeps emailing me telling me his email address has changed.
.-= Kerry´s last blog ..I’d steal it if we had anywhere to put it =-.
@Dan, Sorry, Dan. I think I got it figured out now. Not your mental dilemma or whatever it may have been that dadwhowrites was talking about–but the e-mail thing.
.-= Ed´s last blog ..The $2 Question—Where’s Zoë? =-.
Great post Dan.
Honestly.
.-= SeattleDad´s last blog ..This Time with Animals =-.
You know, with all the stressful jobs I have had where I have worked 80 hours weeks and been on call for weeks on end with no weekends off or vacations and thought *I* would need a mental health nurse’s evaluation, I could always tell myself “fuck it, if the software is screwed up, nobody dies” (not with the kind of software I work on anyway).
Some jobs are not like that. Some have bit more responsibility.
I have always thought the worst, or most stressful, or job with the biggest emotional downside that I could ever think of was being a pediatric oncologist. Now that I have kids, I only think that more.
I was at a party a few months ago and was introduced to a guy, who as luck would have it, is a PO. I think I was too intimidated to say anything but “Wow, that’s a hard job”, but of course what I was thinking was “thank god SOMEBODY has the guts to do that job”.
Hopefully someone has actually told you that at some point.
@JJ Daddy-O, I agree completely. Someone who frequents here is married to a pediatric nurse (I won’t out them as they keep it close to their chest for a reason).
I just couldn’t do it. In fact I wrote a post about how I just couldn’t do it once…
Nope can’t find it.
Ever thought of having an anonymous blog? Or submitting an anonymous post to Her Bad Mother’s Basement? Or even just going through the cathartic process of writing the post and then hitting delete instead of publish?
Sorry, that’s too many questions to be a comment really.
.-= Barbara´s last blog ..Bits and Bobs =-.
@Barbara, I’m not keen on the anonymous blogging thing. For one, there is always the risk that you’ll get found out, and two – I just prefer to be out there.
Confidentiality is only one of the reasons I won’t blog about work. The main one is not wanting to exploit other’s pain for the entertainment of strangers. It’s the same reason I don’t approve of misery memoirs
I’ve done what Barbara suggests on a number of occasions (yeah, I know – you wouldn’t think it looking at my blog). The other alternative is to password more sensitive posts after a while or in the first place (though I know that’s easiest to manage with a small but regular readership).
.-= dadwhowrites´s last blog ..Working Lunch #1 =-.
@dadwhowrites, I’ve often said that you don’t know what you think until you write it down. But have never done a phantom blog post. I’ve written lists of pros and cons in the past I suppose.
I think I write to amuse myself rather than a for of catharsis. It’s distraction rather than therapy.
A tough job.
But I don’t think you really broke the line here because you didn’t went into specifics (and for the sake of the privacy of your patients etc you ofcourse shouldn’t).
@Arjan, I didn’t break any professional rules. But the personal rule was broken. It’s not about confidentiality, it’s about not mixing work and home.
Rules are meant to be broken now and again though.
Dan, I read your blog because I don’t see you often enough in real life. And we rarely ring each other.
Or text.
And I hardly comment these days either.
I should be better at keeping in touch with people, and try to spend less time on reflection. Interesting how blogs and Twitter are changing the way we communicate. I still receive letters and cards from farmer Adam, and I try to send stuff back – More of that, I think.
Let’s lighten the tone by linking to a story about a squirrel:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6018173/Squirrel-is-surprise-star-of-holiday-photo.html
@Oli, you’ve touched on my a.d.d. here, oli. well played.
@Oli, That’s a great squirrel story!
There should be more squirrel stories in this world.
I think this post is a much about why you write than the emotional tightrope of your job.
By writing we resolve things. And the best writing often exposes us to others and to ourselves. But, you know, you can write for yourself too. I have written a lot about my relationship with my children, but I’m not sure I’d ever publish it. Stephen Fry writes poetry he doesn’t publish. There are lots of other examples.
There are not many bloggers who write well – you are one of the notable exceptions – and it would be a pity if you restricted that. Someone said to me the other day that blogging isn’t about the quality of the words and perhaps that’s broadly a good thing as it persuades people to have a go.
But the best and most engaging writing is thoughtful, revealing controversial.. and that means sometimes you have to make some judgements about whether to publish or not; the worst thing is to compromise what you write in the first place.
.-= Mark´s last blog ..Run for home =-.
@Mark, I’m not sure I agree. as I’ve said in reply to another comment I write to amuse myself, not as catharsis. It’s a distraction rather than therapy.
And as for the self-censoring; I’m pretty happy with the rules I’ve set for myself. The only one I struggle with is blaspheming. The phrase “for gods sake” is so ingrained in me that I struggle to find alternatives. I occasionally allow one through. As I do the odd fuck, arse, and shit. I’ll even say cunt – but I rarely use that in speech and so it doesn’t really feel natural
It’s not about putting people off though, it’s about whether risking upsetting the people I count as friends is worth the gain in writing it. It’s a politeness thing really.
I have a relatively large transexual readership (really I do). sometimes I am tempted to go for an easy gag about men dressing as women; just out of cultural instinct really. But I don’t, because I don’t want to upset my friends for the sake of a easy hack gag.
Dara O’Brien talked much more elequantly about such things last time I saw him in stand up.
I know that babbling outburst is nothing to do with the point you were actually making. But my interest was suddenly grasped and I haven’t formally considered what my opinion was up until now.
Still, it must be good practise for dealing with the blogosphere.
@Rol, oh yes.
Sounds like you are doing just fine. That is a lot of stress to manage.
@Ba, thanks. And you are right, I do manage the stress. i think the problem comes is when I get some addtional stress. My cup runs over if you see what I mean.
Ah, as I suspected: You are many-layered. Like an onion. And listen, the #7 thing? It was great, but it’s all bollocks anyway. People read your blog because they like you.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Why didn’t I think of that? =-.
@Erin, The number 7 thing was only important to me because I started to think about the impact that significantly increasing my blog readership would have on the amount of money we’d raise next year.
But I’ve made decisions about my blog readership before.
The way to get thousands of readers is to read thousands of other blogs. Well, and have good content – but I’m pretty screwed on that one. I really would rather have a close group of bloggy friends that I love to read than a massive list on google reader that becomes a chore to keep up with.
Well put. I suppose we walkers will just have to help with publicity :)
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Getting back to my roots =-.
@Erin, oh yes. In fact I’m rather optimistic about how much we’re going to raise. there is a possibility that we may even get the charities entire money needed for a year (£20,000) that’s a bit optimistic of course. But with aprox 60 people coming on the walk on one team or another that’s an average ofabout £350 a person (what – $500 ish?)
That’s not entirely out of the relms of possibility.
I like your greek posts as well, keep em coming :)
.-= lelik´s last blog ..Pregnancy Weeks 13-16, Month #4 (Pregnancy Health Guru) =-.
@lelik, I don’t know if you are intending to be or now, and I’m giving you the benifit of the doubt. but you’re starting to look a lot like a spam commenter :)
Dan you need to do a job like mine – if I mess up then someone just gets paid wrong, and there’s a fifty/fifty chance that they’ll get paid too much and never complain anyway.
.-= Gary´s last blog ..Video Saturday – Gamajobat =-.
Great post, Dan. It is a tightrope walk, no?
Several years ago, I read a fascinating book titled “Turning Stones: My Days and Nights with Children at Risk: A Caseworker’s Story” by Marc Parent. I was considering a move to this sort of work at the time, and this book scared the shit out of me. A tightrope, indeed.
Spare the bollocks. Keep it real . . .
.-= tysdaddy´s last blog ..To Hold =-.
@tysdaddy, I couldn’t work with kids at risk. I don’t think I could even be a foster parent. I am full of admiration for anyone who can.
Hi Dan. I really enjoyed your post. I think if I had your job I would require daily cocktails….oh wait, I already do…oh wait, perhaps that’s a symptom. Never mind. Great post. Plus you used the word “bollocks” which I love and just won’t catch on in the US.
.-= Mitch McDad´s last blog ..Good Lessons For The Kids? =-.
@Mitch McDad, you should start a bollocks movement. I know where you can get some cheap banners printed.
It’s an interesting issue – coming from a big family of social workers, I recognise many of the issues you describe here.
But more importantly – how do you know you have a large transexual readership? Is there a survey I missed?
.-= Who’s the Mummy´s last blog ..Happy Birthday, Flea! =-.
@Who’s the Mummy, http://allthatcomeswithit.com/archives/764
Rule breaking is what rules were made for. Kudos.
.-= Whit´s last blog ..Madness, Bubblegum and What It is I Do =-.