Surfing the net this morning I came across this. A headmistress in Norway has introduced a ban on boys at her school standing up to pee. The local nutcase politician eager to get his name in the papers has declared that:
“When boys are not allowed to pee in the natural way, the way boys have done for generations’ it is meddling with God’s work. It is a human right not to have to sit down like a girl”
Now I’m not too sure about that. I can’t recall the lyrics “Pointing Percy at the porcelain†being alongside the purple headed mountains in the hymn All Things Bright and Beautiful. And as for human rights, I think it’s a little premature to get the UN peacekeepers involved. But still, this has reminded me of one of my perennial rants.
Toilet seats.
Every bad observational comedian has a number of standard routines they fall back on. “Why do you never see any white dog poo anymore?â€, “Have you ever noticed you can’t hear what the guy’s saying at the drive though?â€, and of course “Why do men always leave the toilet seats up?â€
I have yet to hear a good argument as to why men shouldn’t leave the toilet seat up. For a start, the laws of gravity dictates that it takes less energy to put it down than it does to lift it up. If a man has to replace the seat he is going to have to expend energy both lifting and lowering the seat. The woman on the other hand expends no energy at all; she even gets to sit down. This hardly seems fair.
It’s not really an option to leave the seat down to pee either, we already have enough problems aiming without reducing the diameter of the target. Now it seems even sitting down and peeing is ruled out with the revelation that it is both against Gods will and convenes the European Human Rights Act. Therefore there is only one solution available to us:
Behold, the Wizz freedom!
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This is where men would love living in our house. The toilet seat is ALWAYS up. With three guys, seats always stay up…no exceptions. (Drives my mother nuts when she comes to visit.)
That does it, I’m coming round to your house everytime I need a pee. I just hope I can keep it in on the 7 hour plane flight.
I’d like it noted for the record that I have never complained about you leaving the seat up. Peeing on the floor or not changing the toilet roll when you’ve used the last piece, maybe, but seat up – no problem.
YES, YES, YES I’ve been banging on about this for years. Problem was all i ever got was quizical looks from people.
Now the fact that we have a gravity problem in our toilet (in that half way through the night if it is up it’s libale to come crashing down and wake the living dead – who then refuses to marry me until i learn to put the toilet seat down) does mitigate against my argument.