Last month I got a brand new lawn mower. It’s one of those man-powered push along ones, and I must say I’m very happy with it. I’d previously been using an electric one that Craig had given me. It had been sitting in his garage unused for years. The mower cut the grass just fine, but something has gone wrong with the safety mechanism and the only way it turns off was if you unplug it at the mains. Before he gave it me Craig told me he’d nicknamed it “The Deathtrap”.
I’m still not quite sure why he was so keen to lend it me.
My lawn is rather small and in a very awkward place half way up a big bloody hill. Consequently the effort and faff of having to drag the Deathtrap up there combined with the ever present danger of electrocuting myself meant that my lawn care activities were erratic at best. Since I’ve got the man-powered mower however I’ve been able to really keep on top of things. There is something very civilized about pootling around with only the gentle clickerty clack of the blades to compete with the singing of the birds and the clucking of the chickens. Even the fact that it sends the clippings spraying in every direction except the grass collecting box is somehow endearing rather than annoying. Plus it was cheap; only thirty three quid at Amazon
As well as the lawn I also have a patch of grass in the orchard (for orchard read: patch of waste ground with three dying apple trees on it). The ground in the orchard is too rough and steep to use a mower on it, so I’ve got a petrol strimmer that I hack the undergrowth back with two or three times a year. Using the strimmer is even more unpleasant than using Craig’s deathtrap mower. Sure, it’s slightly less likely to kill me; but it’s loud, smelly, and can often be a complete bastard to start.
So, pleased as I am with my man-powered mower, I thought I might as well have a go at the environmentally friendly method of tackling the scrubland as well.
Look what I just bought from eBay:
I bid for it impulsively, so you could say it’s a Whim Reaper!! (thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week).
I actually won the auction about two weeks ago, but we’ve only had chance to go and collect it from York this afternoon. The guy we bought it from lives on an RAF base near there and we had to wait outside it while he brought it out to us. Kerry said being near the base made her nostalgic for her army brat upbringing, but the whole thing made me nervous. I think the guard by the gate with the loaded submachine gun had something to do with it. Although I must admit that the fact he was doing penguin impressions to amuse his friend lessened his menace somewhat. I thought guards were supposed to be alert and vigilant, not waddling around like a bloody duck. As a taxpayer I demand a bit more solemnity from the armed services damnit.
When we got home I went up into the back garden to have a go with my new toy. I’ll tell you what, that scything business is a lot harder than it looks. I was sort of hoping I’d be able to just wave it about a bit and all the grass would fall over nicely cut, but there’s a lot more technique to it than that. I’ve had a look at a few instructional youtube videos which has helped, but I haven’t quite got the hang of it yet. I have managed to mow some of the orchard, but I’m pretty convinced that at least 50% of the grass has just been squashed flat rather than actually cut. I’ve also accidentally broken the tip of the scythe by whacking it into a wall that was hidden by the undergrowth (You know your garden needs some work when you can’t see where the walls are anymore).
Still it only cost be a tenner and it’s all good fun. I also haven’t yet amputated my foot, which is a bonus. Although I have started to think that getting a goat to eat all the grass would be a hell of a lot easier. Perhaps if I start whining for one now Kerry might acquiesce by next summer. It’s worth a shot at least.
Related posts:
Snort. I can just imagine you in a little bonnet.
And that scythe is a bit scary. It reminds me of Children of the Corn. Shiver.
I think I may have an apple tree in our garden. It’s very young but apple like things are starting to sprout slowly. Does that count as an orchard?
Jo Beaufoixs last blog post..Predator
@Jo Beaufoix, One apple tree certainly counts as an orchard. In fact, I suspect it might actually be a forest.
Hm, a scythe is pretty hardcore. They’re mostly used for harvesting grain because you need the tall stalk to create a counterbalance for the cutting edge. Plus grain is usually harvested when it’s dryish and that makes the cutting easier.
On the plus side, it is pretty hard to hurt yourself with a scythe. Unless you manage to trip yourself and fall on it (I’m ruling nothing out with you gentleman farmers.)
A better tool for casual grass cutting in hard to reach/small places is sometimes called a “grass whip”, although I am sure there is some ye olde englyshe name for it.
http://www.bicwarehouse.com/grass-whip-we-30.html
You swing it back and forth with one hand like you are a one-armed golfer (just watch Cool Hand Luke for a demonstration).
The bad news is, yes, much easier to chop your foot off with one of these. Also, does not work so well as a prop for Halloween as a scythe, and liable to get you arrested carrying it around at night.
PS- I don’t know if this will work with Kerry, but try the “goats= goat cheese” argument with her. Chicks dig goat cheese.
@JJ Daddy-O, Mmmm… As well as suspecting you as a secret Brit I now believe you are some kind of agricultural consultant.
The Scythe I bought has a haymaking blade rather than corn cutting, so theoretically should be able to cut grass. But if I can’t get the hang of it this summer I might have a look at a grass whip, although I can just see myself loosing a limb with one of those things.
I have quite a bit of experience with the ol scythe actually, back in my environmental work days we used to use those things to cut lantana out of native forest (lantana being a bit of pest here in Australia – I assume it came from the UK like all our other problems).
The key is to have a very very sharp scythe, for which you shall need electricity and a grinder. I assume there is an Amish equivalent that uses a wet stone but I’ve never used it.
Oh and that photo really needed you to be wearing a hoodie :P
Lees last blog post..TMNT film retrospective – a QYDJ podcast
@Lee, I’ve been using a wet stone every 5 min or so, and the blade felt pretty sharp, but I imagine it could probably do with being sharper. I’m going to draw the line at buying an electric grinder though.
I have only used a man-powered mower for years. Small lawn and I am still done in 15 minutes. I love it.
As for the scythe, I used to use one for years when I was farming. Miles of electric fenceline meant tons of Thistles met thier death at the hands of my own ‘Whim Reaper’. Nothing makes you feel so alive as to kill weeds!
James (Seattledad)s last blog post..Basic Training
@James (Seattledad), I’m a massive proponent of man powered mowers now. I can’t see a reason to use a artificially powered one for anything but the most massive of gardens.
Turning?
I thought your beard was at their insistence.
SingleParentDads last blog post..Grafters’ Montage
@SingleParentDad, I have grand plans for my beard today. Watch this space.
You really need to take a picture wearing a long black cloak. Really.
Coding Mamma (Tasha)s last blog post..The Secret of Happy Children
@Coding Mamma (Tasha), I’ve allready got a photo of me in full serial killer gear. See;
http://allthatcomeswithit.com/archives/559
Pfft ! I have a wife for doing things like cutting grass.
You can probably buy goats on eBay, look under “dumb animals” and simply tell the wife that you’ve bought a dog with a beard, its for the kids.
Garys last blog post..Video Sunday – Clandonia
@Gary, It’s an idea. the other alternatives is to go for the quantity over quality approach. A small heard of 30 Guinea pigs would probably keep the grass down.
Rabbits rather than guinea pigs, a small herd of 30 rabbits would probably keep the grass down a treat, I understand that they did it in Australia once and it worked really, really well for them…
Garys last blog post..Video Sunday – Clandonia
I know I’m a nervous parent when I start twitching in my seat at the mere thought of that scythe.
Steves last blog post..Cool pool
@Steve, It’s safely put away in Amy’s wardrobe, don’t worry about it.
My first visit over and I find myself faced with a scythe – pretty impressive! I would have definitely taken my own leg (or arm) off with that thing! Hope the technique improves and some cutting as opposed to squashing gets done. I’m not throwing stones from my glasshouse though – never been near a lawnmower me!
That Girls last blog post..Hello Lover!
@That Girl, No lawnmowers eh? Perhaps you’d like to get a little experience in my garden. I’ll expect you here next weekend at around 9am. My neighbors lawn could probably do with a cut too so I’d have thought you’ll be finnished around 3 – 3;30 if that’s ok with you.
Do you ever wonder if your neighbours have a blog?
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Pop
@Xbox4NappyRash, They do, it’s called ithinkthatguynextdoorisplannigntokillus.com
I HAVE to register that name…
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Pop
@Xbox4NappyRash, If only Blair was still Prime Minister and Brown was still living at number 11 there would be a fantastic joke about that domain allready being taken.
Damn time, ruins all my gags.
all the mowing jokes have already been made..so there sure as hell is a joke in there about your tax money…it’s not going into the right pockets..at least that’s what the news told me last week..
@Arjan, Don’t you bloody start. I’ve had enough of hearing about the expenses scandal to last me a lifetime, and the press don’t seem willing to let that particular bone go yet.
That’s a genuinely disturbing picture for some reason. You really do need nothing more than the hat and the submissive wife. Actually, I gather that you could well have a very long way to go, come to think of it.
We do have half a lawn but we also have a neighbour who owns the other half whose preferred height for grass is a good six inches below ours.
I’m not in any danger of turning Amish either. I’d quite like a scythe, though. Would certainly keep my staff in line.
dadwhowritess last blog post..Routine, routine and matchsticks under the eyelids
@dadwhowrites, Ten quid it was from ebay. well worth the money just to be able to turn up to work one day wielding it.
As soon as I saw the image I knew this would be well worth the read. I laughed out loud when you admitted you thought it would be as easy as waving it about—and not a condescending laugh either, because I would have thought the same thing. My innocent (or ignorant) ideas about home and garden have gotten us into many a home and garden muddle.
Erins last blog post..And this is pretty much how the whole thing has gone
@Erin, yeah, there’s a real art to it apparently. And I’m not convinced that just watching youtube videos of people who know what they are doing is going to help me much.
Now i remember a man being electrocuted by a lawnmower when i was little (on the news) and lying dead in his garden overnight…so you were wise not to use it.
still chuckling at the whim reaper…!
Pigx
Pig in the kitchens last blog post..Breaking My Word Jammy Biscuits (egg free, dairy free, gluten free)