Take one kitchen, preferably pre-marinated in the accumulated grime of a family of three and a haphazard cleaning routine. Pre heat the oven to 170 degrees centigrade. Place flour, eggs, butter, sugar and coco powder in a bowl and add the enthusiasm of one exuberant two year old. Leave alone for roughly two minutes as you answer the telephone, and on your return start to simmer.
Try not to boil over, as this may damage the enthusiasm of the two year old. Gather the flour, eggs, butter, sugar and coco powder and return them to the bowl. Attempt to mix this with a desert spoon as you remember you used the wooden spoon to mix concrete last month.
Pour the mixture in two greased cake tins and place in the oven. Combine the remainder of the mixture in the bowl with the two year old. Then place two year old in the bath and add water, this may require firm handling. Remove cake from oven when smoke detector is activated. Prepare icing by mixing melted chocolate with double cream. Use icing to stick the two layers of cake together. Combine the remainder of the icing with the two year old. Then place two year old in the bath and add water.
Place the cake in the fridge in order that the icing sets. Attempt to persuade two year old that the cake is for pudding, and anyway broccoli is much nicer than chocolate cake.
When two year old is finally in bed, survey the kitchen and consider taking the day off work tomorrow in order to clean up the mess.
I wondered where the wooden spoon had got to! Hope there’s still some cake left when I get back.
She looks so sad in the bathtub! Bubbles, that’s the ticket–
You are mistaking sad for grumpy. In actual fact she was pretty happy, she was pulling faces for the camera. The only thing she objected about the bath was having her hair washed. She insisted of making sure water didn’t get in her eyes by pressing her face into my shirt. Between Amy, myself, and the floor I’m not sure who was the most wet.