On balance, a pretty nice dilemma to have
on Aug 29 in General by DanSomeone in my office was talking about a recent visit from their boyfriend’s nieces. She described them as being incapable of letting a second go by where they weren’t receiving the undivided attention of a grown up. Whether it was doing a jigsaw or dressing up they insisted that an adult bear witness. These kids were six, but her recount of their behaviour rang true with a recent worry I’ve been having about my parenting style.
I’m a pretty full on Dad. On days when I’m not working I like to spend as much time as humanly possible with my daughter. Generally this involves an outing of some sort; to the community farm, play gym, swimming, or whatever; but we also bake or paint or read books at home. My point is that I very rarely leave her to her own devices for any prolonged length of time. Periodically throughout the day I’ll log on to the net, check my emails, read the headlines, and obsessively see if I’ve had any new comments since the last five minutes I checked. I might even go upstairs for a little bit or leave the front door open so Amy can wander in and out as she pleases. But as a rule we spend most of our time together.
My question is: can too much of a good thing be a bad thing? I’m not fishing for compliments here, I know I’m a relatively good Dad, and I know I’m lucky to spend so much time with my daughter. But should I be giving her more space to play on her own without me sticking my nose in? Is nearly three too young for her to be encouraged to make her own entertainment? Should I be leaving her to her own devices more often?
I imagine that she doesn’t receive constant attention at nursery; they work on a ratio of one adult to three children there and so there must be some rationing going on. And on days when Kerry has her, or even the odd occasion when we are both off work together, I’m sure that the balance is about right. I’m not worried for her development or anything drastic like that, I’m just a little concerned that in my desire to spend time with her I may be squashing her ability to spend time on her own.
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I’ve had similar thoughts about my own kids. However, I believe the only person at risk in this situation is you, Dan.
I’m pretty sure you’ve read more texts on human development than I ever will. So you know from the moment she was born, Amy has begun the slow, subtle process of leaving you and Kerry in the dust. In a few years, she will make choices for conversation, play, consolation, validation, etc. that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
This process is going to practically kill you at times (I know it does me). Amy, on the other hand, won’t have too much trouble with it at all.
You already know it’s coming. We both do. One glance at our blog archives is enough evidence to convict us both.
I say give the kid as big a dose of daddy as possible. It’s the least you can do. . . for yourself.
Whoa. That was depressing.
You should write more about strippers, hookers and meth labs. Like we do.
I think it’s wonderful that you and Amy have so much fun together. I also think this is going to work itself out, as Greg said.
When the new baby gets here, things are going to change tremendously. It’ll be much easier than last time in one way, and yet much more challenging because of having two.
Amy will spend more time playing alone by necessity. And as she becomes more independent, you can start over with the new child. You and Kerry just have to keep having children forever, and then no problem!
We have a similar style in our family, and both my husband and I enjoy giving our 19 month-old daughter our undivided attention every possible moment. We trust her to tell us when she wants to play on her own. She feels she can do whatever she needs to do, so when she desires alone time, she takes it. She will go into another room, and do her thing. She usually comes to check on us. You know, to see if we are okay without her.